OMFG, I take it all back. The Gossip Girl phenomenon isn't the worst thing ever. I mean, how could it be when last night's triumphant return episode was just so good? I mean, well, it wasn't that good. It was no Brandon and Kelly hook up in Washington D.C. or Angela rides her bicycle down a Pittsburgh hill, arms outstretched. But, you know, it was good for this show. Starting with the lovely Breakfast at Tiffany's homage and ending with the mysterious revelation of the drug-sending "G" (who we know to be Georgina, played by Michelle Trachtenberg), it was as full of humor and intrigue as this show gets. Oh, and The HIlls was on. Recaps and video after the jump.

Barack Obama was on the Daily Show last night. It was a satellite interview, and it was Jon Stewart interviewing a politician he actually respects, which is generally (invariably) a recipe for awkwardness. But it turned out fine. Better than expected, actually, because Stewart actually made jokes in the second segment, and Obama played along without embarrassing himself. Then Stewart made Obama solemnly ask if America was happy with its cell phone service. Clip attached.

· Question: Why would David Letterman (and untold other horny comedy goons) be envious of a window washer? Answer: Watch the video. [Late Show]

· You'll have to wait until May 20 to get your hands on "Anywhere I Lay My Head," Scarlett Johansson's album of Tom Waits covers, but you can enjoy a sneak preview of her ear-raping rendition of "Falling Down" right now! [AOL Music]

· If you've not yet heard, Senators Hillary Clinton, Barack Obama and John McCain have all taped messages that will air on WWE's Raw tonight, in the hopes of currying favor with the "will readily buy into heavily spun violence-as-entertainment" block of voters. [WWE.com]

· We really can't decide which month of The Texas Polygamist Wives Calendar most does it for us. Oh, who are we kidding. December: You had us at your carefully coordinated ankle socks and sensible man-satchel. [BWE]

· Just in time for Cloverfield's DVD release: J.J. Abrams thinks the best place to enjoy it is at home, just a few steps from the toilet should the shakey images on your 65-inch LCD screen make you want to hurl. [Reuters]

Have you ever found yourself mindlessly trying on the latest pair of $800 jeans at Fred Segal and suddenly realized, you know what? It must be way hard for all those African girls out there in Africa and The Iraq Such As to even wear jeans like this. Why? As "Cameron Diaz" (flawlessly portrayed by Tracey Ullman) informs us, for the very first time all their genitals are falling off! The suckiest part? "This is the golden age of American blue jeans! It's really sad and amazing." The fictional burp-happy actress' solution, of course, is to star in That Terrible Time Of The Month, in which a gun-toting Diaz burps and farts her way through the jungle to save each and every halfway-severed ladypart from girls named Toko. For more insight, including Bono's method of miming the actual chop and toss, watch our clip after the jump.

TechCrunch founder Michael Arrington presents "tactical-level advice on getting press for your startup" in this full-length video from Omnisio of his Stanford speech Saturday. His level of candor (or "transparency" in Valleyspeak) surprised even me. He openly admits to playing quid pro quo with his sources — you supply the exclusives, he provides the fawning coverage to show investors. Journalists might sniff at Arrington's ethical judgment, but it works for him — as long as startups play by his rules. All this reminds me of Europe's last great monarch.

You're likely familiar with the work of Sam Rubin—KTLA entertainment reporter, World's Biggest Chace Crawford fan (sorry, JC), and, on paper at least, a grown man—whose motor-mouthed showbiz punditry becomes even more red-faced and spittle-flecked when the subject turns to anything Gossip Girl. (The greatest show ever! Just ask the writers of this New York cover story we won't be caught dead reading!) With the show's second-season premiere airing tonight, Rubin unveiled his own Sweded take on the middling teen soap's overtly sexual OMFG marketing campaign.

Over the years, Charlie Rose has hosted Silicon Valley titans like Wired editor Chris Anderson, Amazon.com founder Jeff Bezos, and Google cofounder Sergey Brin on his late-night public television interview show. When Facebook launched its Beacon advertising program in New York, Rose played master of ceremonies. But not until now, with the discovery of this clip titled "'Charlie Rose' by Samuel Beckett," has Rose effectively explicated the industry.

Having long ago abandoned The Olive Garden for the more refined culinary delights of, say, Applebee's, we've clearly missed the churning sexual undercurrents reinforcing the restaurant's starchy, salad-y, working-class appeal. But nothing gets past Kendra Wilkinson, one-third of Hugh Hefner's Girls Next Door, who infamously swears by not only the OG's quasi-Italian staples, but also the pure hormonal power of its female waitstaff. As such, Playboy is inviting the restaurant's sexiest servers to take orders in an upcoming pictorial. While we don't necessarily expect the chain's Hooters-ization to make our grandpa's 90th birthday dinner any less depressing, we heartily recommend following the jump to observe Wilkinson's classy video solicitation ("My food's getting cold, so I gotta fuckin' go") to tastefully doff those aprons. If Hef's as good a tipper as we hear, we may be filling out an application by this afternoon.

Slightly creepier than Charlie Rose talking to someone else, it's Charlie Rose talking to Charlie Rose [who, my editor wants me to remind you, is a PBS talk show host]. Filmmaker Andrew Filippone Jr.'s debut YouTube video got on today's Very Short List and now it's appearing on every blog ever. It deserves this attention, since it is the dark cousin of "Pretty Much Everywhere, It's Gonna Be Hot."

Wondering what will happen in tomorrow's Pennsylvania primary? You could look to national trends or polls of likely Pennsylvania voters. Or you could make like NBC and only poll the important voters of Pennsylvania: gun-owners, bowlers, and, yes, beer-drinkers. Nothing proves that you understand the working class like reinforcing a cartoon stereotype of blue-collar life! Of course the bowlers and gun-owners don't care for Obama. The beer-drinkers, though, are split. They should've specified domestic beer-drinkers, we're sure the Obama votes are coming from import snobs. Guzzling Kölsch and eating caviar! Elitists!

"Smells Like Teen Spirit" by Paul Anka. Maybe it is old, but I sure as shit never saw it before. Now I can't stop seeing it!

Perhaps you thought the New York Times made too much of stressful working conditions for bloggers in its infamous "Blog Till They Drop" article. But that's only because you haven't seen this video tour of a blogger sweatshop from activist group Barely Political. Watch it now people. My boss will surely cane me for posting, but it must be seen!

It's time once again for Dirt Sandwich, the brain-smoothing snack that simulates the experience of Being Pat O'Brien—if only for a few fleeting minutes, before dumping you out unceremoniously somewhere near the Nevada Turnpike. This week's episode, lovingly pressed by Defamer's own master videologist (and part-time FBI forensic psychiatrist who only has 88 minutes to solve her own murder!) Molly McAleer, is chock-full of as many deli-meat shockers and condiment exclusives as we could cram between two slices of bread: Christie Brinkley's bearded mystery man! Someone screaming at a white Mercedes! And two varieties of cancer! And for just $1.49 more, you can make it a combo with chips and a drink. So what are you waiting for? Dig in.

In India, McKinsey has an office called the McKinsey Knowledge Center. It provides "knowledge management," which I think means having poorly paid Indian college graduates Google information that six-figure McKinsey management consultants are too busy, or lazy, to find themselves. A dispiriting job, from the sounds of it. And yet the offshore oppressed have found a way to celebrate their lot in life with an anthem. Invidiographer Richard Blakeley has mashed it up with a Bollywood clip for a music video. The clip, in my opinion, puts the global transmigration of technology jobs in human terms: The razzle-dazzle sell made to clients and employees, and the crushing existential despair after reality sets in.

True, by now we've become somewhat accustomed to the trickery employed by so-called "reality" TV to achieve the sorts of heightened, 12-unemployed-bartenders -living-on-the- Radford-lot drama that keeps us glued to our sets. But we hold certain networks to a higher standard. History Channel—we expect those Ice Road Truckers to be careening over real roads, on real ice, in real trucks. And Discovery Channel: You offer us the delicious prospect of a Deadliest Catch, well then, that 5,000-lb. crab-leviathan your crew are hauling in better be the real thing, and not some Ray Harryhausenesque flight-of-fancy. Unfortunately, THR has stumbled upon a production outline that suggests the Xtreme fishing show may have been fudging some of the details:

On last night's 30 Rock, Alec Baldwin's network head Jack asked Tina Fey to help him invite a couple ladies to his upcoming fundraising dinner for cranky old presidential candidate John McCain. Of note: Alec Baldwin calling Chuck Norrins "C-Nor." Oh, and the mayor of New York was on the show! Michael Bloomberg, who was briefly going to be our next president in the land of imagination, presented Liz's ex-boyfriend the beeper king a medal for a heroic subway rescue. Clip above! And you can watch the whole thing on Hulu, because it's Friday so who gives a shit.

Young San Jose resident Alex Polvi presented the least informed, but probably most typical argument for net neutrality in his public comment featured in this video clip from the rescheduled network neutrality hearings hosted by the FCC at Stanford today. But hey, even if he said "Internet" more than a dozen times, he didn't say "marketplace of ideas" or "fascism," like many of the other commenters. The people who should be most worried about the complex debate aren't free speech advocates or corporations, however, but big pharma. Listening to arguments for and against were a more powerful soporific than Ambien. Highlights from the seven hour session after the jump.

· Quick—take shelter inside this cardboard Tauntaun! It's the Sweded version of The Empire Strikes Back! [YouTube via /Film]
· Videogum wonders where The Strangers, aka The Blair Floppy/Creepy Mask Project, really takes place. [Videogum]
· The Yogurt Elders have spoken: At long last, Pinkberry can hold its head up high and declare itself to be the real thing. [Eater LA]
· The Hoff ordered to pay $25,000 a month in Hasselmony. [USA Today]
· Enjoy these new production stills from Baz Luhrmann's upcoming Ralph Lauren Safari campaign movie, Australia. Check out that Hugh Jackman—now that's how you crack a whip! And don't forget Nicole Kidman—now that's how you cough up blood into a lace kerchief and look frail! [Australiamovie.com, iesb.net]