After watching this clip of new ANTM contestant Fatima's greatest hits, we are currently praying to the Top Model gods to please, please send house bitch Fatima home next week (pretty please with Janice Dickinson's remains on top!). Why? Not because she is a former victim of female circumcision (as she will have you know, over and over again), not because she can't even button a sweater, and not because she has a Mischa Barton-like ability to make legs even as skinny as her own look like thunder thighs on top of toothpicks. Nope, none of the above. We need Fatima to go home primarily because if we see Tyra do one more tiger growl impersonation of her, we will personally gut our televisions. And that will not be good for our career.

While execs at the Fox network long ago learned that people have a strong desire to watch shows aimed at an audience of gore-hound rubberneckers (think, America's Most Shocking And Deadly High-Speed Rollover Accidents Part Six), the folks at the more family friendly American Broadcasting Channel rolled the dice when they cast the last season of Dancing With The Stars. Their bet was that they could appeal to an under-exploited niche of the American television viewing audience by casting a one-legged former trophy wife of a Beatle. After all, would people really tune in to see whether or not she would fall on her ass while doing the Cha-Cha? Not surprisingly, they did tune in ... in droves, even. So when it came time for this season to roll around, producers decided to go right back to the developmentally-challenged well when they decided to cast the hearing-impaired Oscar winner (and stone fox) Marlee Matlin.

By Garfield's Jim Davis! Ha, no. This time-lapse shows Meredith Gran drawing her comic strip Octopus Pie, from rough sketch to line art to shading, in six minutes. But if you don't care about seeing the detail work, watch her draw another one in two minutes instead. Both are below.

Here's YouTube clip of a TV reporter possibly maybe getting knocked over by a sledder at Riverside Park. After he gets hits, he does a flip so beautiful it looks like the result of years of tutelage under a Russian gymnastic master. Much like The Hills, it's entertaining, even if it's staged. Update: It's back.

As part of Defamer's ongoing commitment to bring you the latest in viral videos that your far more savvy and productivity-challenged friends may have already seen a day or two ago, we now introduce you to Fred and Sharon Spencer. Like Lionsgate, their indie studio started in British Columbia (Kelowna, to be exact), and offers a wide array of production services, executing everything from low-budget horror to computer animation with trademark Spencer panache. They also are known to get in front of the camera from time to time, and for a small premium are available to swede your favorite blockbuster—or even recreate your child's graduation footage they accidentally erased when they used your Betamax tape to record a CBC Coronation Street marathon. So who needs a movie?

We're loath to admit we've fallen behind on new episodes of The Simpsons, so we're extremely grateful to the reader who pointed the following out to us: On Sunday's show, after a fairly hilarious sequence in which Homer engages in an illicit affair with a gyro cone (which, for $4300, could basically give you all the unsafe satisfaction you could handle), the portly paterfamilias then puts a happy ending on his marathon session of rotisserie lovemaking with a trip to Pudding on the Ritz. His order? "One Butterscotch Stallion."

We don't know why CNN anchor stud Anderson Cooper is always on Regis and Kelly, especially when it always ends up being quite uncomfortable for everyone involved, but he was back on this morning. And they forced him to almost involve himself in an "improv" exercise in which Kelly Ripa and comedienne Cheryl Hines pretended to be fighting over him, sort of. Cooper refused to participate in the make-believe love triangle and looked basically violated. [Related! PlanetOut.com asks just how much you know about Anderson Cooper!]

Eliot Spitzer's alleged call-girl — Ashley Alexandra Dupré, a.k.a "Kristen" — can sing. Whether she should? Less clear. Here's the single from her MySpace page, "What We Want."

· Well, who in their right minds wouldn't want Sanjaya to be the celebrity of honor at their Bat Mitzvah? Still, we hear he's pretty overbooked, and makes you pay for the hair appointment, so you might want to settle for one of this year's castoffs. What about the creepy dude who sang "Wake Me Up Before You Go Go?" He's probably not doing anything. [TRL]
· Here's what $4,300 of N.Y. Governor dollars gets you two hours with: some Alicia Keys wannabe with a MySpace page. Sigh. Remember when high-classed hookers didn't shamelessly whore themselves out like that? [MySpace]
· David Archuleta's atrociously dressed father is reportedly the stage dad from hell, making his son cry at rehearsal, and banned once from the Star Search set for harassing another contestant. [etonline]
· The final book in the Harry Potter series will be split into two separate movies. That reminds us...wonder how Gay Dumbledore is doing? Yup—still gay. [LAT]
· Seems like the Pixar Man just likes to keep a good, CGI-directing brother down. [LAT]
· The Tokyo Auto Show unveils revolutionary, toddler-pee-powered Ferraris. They really need to be seen to be believed! [Jalopnik]

We teased you yesterday with just a few still frames from Britney Spears's new video for "Break The Ice," but we can now premiere the full version in all its uncut, Japanimation glory. (It premiered on something called the blackoutball.com, which you could only access with two secret words, and we would never tell you what those were even if they weren't "danger" and "victory." Oh, darn—we gave it away!) Directed by Robert Hales after Britney watched his Lovestoned clip for Justin Timberlake and specifically requested the director, we're informed that no Louis Vuitton proprietary Cherry Blossom patterns were harmed during production. It looks nothing like her, but it's kind of cool. Enjoy!

For those of us out there who are active moviegoers, the weekend of March 14 has been circled on our calendars for some time. While 2008 has seen a handful of worthwhile releases hit the cineplex (think Be Kind Rewind, think Charlie Bartlett), the indie-inclined viewer has had painfully few movie choices from which to choose from so far this year. However, all that changes this weekend when Neil Marshall's Doomsday, David Gordon Green's Snow Angels and Michael Haneke's Funny Games make their way to a theater near you. While all three will must sees (at least in my book), one of these flicks is drawing significant levels of pre-release controversy (if not great reviews). Specifically, Haneke's Americanized remake of his own 1997 pic Funny Games is being labeled by notoriously cranky film blogger Jeffrey Wells as being "the ugliest and most repulsive violent melodrama I've ever seen (including the thoroughly disgusting I Spit On Your Grave)" and, simultaneously, "a smart and nervy critique of sexy-violent movies ... and one of the ballsiest movies ever released by Warner Bros. in its 90 year history." Um, sign us up!

The just-released trailer for The Incredible Hulk shows few signs of the shocking truth—splashed across the pages of The Finkeian Tattler—about the power-play going on behind the scenes. (For the uninitiated: Ed Norton has been offering up his creative point of view, which differs slightly from that of the 1200 other cooks required to make a superhero blockbuster. We know! Entirely shocking!) Based on these two-minutes of footage, it seems the touchy-feely beast of Ang Lee's version, weighed down with boring daddy-issues and roaming the streets of San Francisco like an HGH-abusing Gumby, has been replaced with something a little more in line with what Hulk fanatics expect from their gamma-ray-enhanced avocado-beasts. GRAGGGHHHHAAAAAAAAA!!!!!

Earlier I wrote about Tim Gunn's appearance at the 92nd St. Y last night. Like I said, he was delightful and informative, but unfortunately I didn't record or tape anything (I don't think I was allowed?) Luckily, the Y taped it, and posted a segment on YouTube. It ought to give you an indication of what a wonderful raconteur the silver fox really is. Tim talking about his childhood and J. Edgar Hoover dressing in drag, among other things, after the jump.

With 21 years dividing the first The Lost Boys from its sequel The Lost Boys 2: Return to Lost Boys Island (An Interactive Sing n' Say DVD Adventure), we weren't expecting much from its trailer premiere on MTV.com; recapturing adolescent-vampire lighting-in-a-bottle, after all, seemed to us as unlikely a scenario as Corey Haim securing work from a trade ad announcing his splashy return to the game. Just like we feared, the results are decidedly mixed, as while Santa Carla's immortal tweens population still seems to be up to all manner of bloodsucking hoodlumism, the complete absence of Corey Feldman's name-sharing, platonic life-partner from the proceedings suggests to us that Haim's eventual inclusion in the production whose shunning once made him cry was symbolic at best.

To say that David Archuleta arrived at the Idol Thunderdome last night carrying with him the judges' raised expectations is akin to saying the Magi had high hopes for that Nazareth kid over at the Ye Bethlehem Inn. He was, as Simon Cowell pronounced in the second week of competition, "the one to beat"—as good a coronation of Saviordom as any. His myth quickly grew: Animated woodland critters would suddenly appear every time he opened his mouth to sing...His voice could heal the lame, bringing to his feet scores of girls afflicted with a rare condition that rendered them incapable of lowering their arms...His farts smelled like freshly baked chocolate chip cookies. But anyone watching could immediately tell that something was not right:

Kentucky state representative Tim Couch wants to ban anonymous Internet commenters. Below, College Humor presents "Internet Commenter Funeral: Ashes to ashes, dust to F1RST!" and Couch's best argument.

Yahoo Amr Awadallah loves his company like a Spartan loves ripply abs and bulbous pectoral muscles. So he and some friends slapped some subtitles over Zack Snyder's 300 to make a 10-minute short called Yahoo 300. We excerpt the best scene above. Yahoo CEO Jerry Yang is King Leonidas; Bill Gates is Xerxes. Sue Decker is Sarah Connor ... er, Queen Gorgo.

As we noted earlier, living pop icon Madonna, who was once nailed to the disco-cross for our voguing sins, was inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame last night at New York's Waldorf Astoria Hotel. She was first introduced by recent collaborator/turning-out-victim Justin Timberlake, who warmed up the crowd with an amusing anecdote about the time Madonna injected his SexyBack with a B12 vitamin shot. (At least that's what she told him she was doing, though we suspect that syringe was pulling in the opposite direction, drawing the necessary genetic matter for a longer-term project that involves melding two generations of pop superstars' DNA together into a single, hybrid host body for her cryogenically preserved brain.)

AUSTIN, TX — Randi Jayne (née Zuckerberg) and Revision3 COO David Prager have done it again. She rewrote "Roxanne" as "Rock Band," an homage to the popular Harmonix videogame; Prager, though he didn't pair up in front of the camera with Jayne as they did in iPhone parody "Doncha," helped produce the video. In the clip below, Robert Scoble, Digg CEO Jay Adelson, Facebook fanboy Dave McClure, and media raconteur David Spark headline. They play undistinguished louts who, by playing the game, transform themselves into real rock stars. The backup singers include Jayne and Rana Sobhany, a marketer who's planning a SXSW party tonight at Six Lounge. The video:

Sesame Street Shoe Fairy and part-time unicorn jockey Neil Patrick Harris was cornered by ET recently, who demanded from the How I Met Your Mother star the inside scoop on news that Britney Spears would be making her primetime TV comeback on the CBS sitcom. Responding with all the expert assuredness of an extremely well-read bathroom-literature junkie, Harris expressed "shock that Mme. Spears" was feeling up to the rigors of a role unlike any she has tackled before (she plays a secretary). He then goes on to advance a fascinating theory: