Yes, and the Sith will do all the yardwork.

TVNewser has the scoop on CNN s American Morning co-host, the one and only Bill Hemmer. Hemmer, it seems, is having problems getting his New York job moved to D.C. (There are still summer internships available, no?) Reports the Newser:

Well, those little guys are irresistably cute.

The crazy thing is, you have to give your name, address, and social security number to submit.

Yeah, on FOX News. The Pope's in The No Spin Zone!

Yes. It's shown us that death is not a private matter for family and friends, it's a public spectacle for politically motivated partisan hacks, opportunistic cable news channels, hack late night comedians, and unfunny bloggers to pick over the desiccated body of a sad, sick woman who is unable to speak for herself yet has become the empty vessel into which the aspirations, fears, and soul-crushing lies of snakes, scoundrels, and fools are dumped like so much toxic sludge from the rotting core of this dying planet.

Darn, no button for "This is related to news, how?"

Wow, we thought for a second there we'd left our copy of Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy in the DVD player. How else to explain this utterly stupid banter we just heard on CNN's Live From:

Next up: Is there a god?

Just Say No!, by Bill Mitchell

Don't ask why, but we've got CNN on again in the Gawker "office," and President Bush is giving a speech honoring the Boston Red Sox. We've heard the following:

Of course not. They should get jobs running the World Bank.

Last night on Larry King, Growing Pains star Tracey Gold spoke about her felony arrest for driving drunk, injuring her husband and one of her young children:

Holy Metrimony [Sports Illustrated, CNN]
Seinfeld - The Outing [TVTome]

CNN

Can someone please explain why the hell CNN just spent the last 20 minutes of American Morning highlighting the Barney Christmas Special? The spectacle made the Today Show look positively hard-hitting, and my codeine-addled brain simply can't comprehend what's going on...
American Morning [CNN]

We have a confession to make. Gawker HQ's televisions are often tuned to, um, real news. Yeah, even we have to turn off E! here and there and get some loving from CNN. So you can only imagine how hot we felt when the gang at American Morning read the following excerpt from a viewer letter:

The Black Table's Scott Dickensheets hasn't actually seen a copy of Maer Roshan's new mag, Radar (which hits newstands tomorrow), but figures he's read enough reviews and seen enough previews that he "knows all about it." "Such clouds of hype have enveloped the launch of Radar magazine that even young Iraqis in the desirable looting demograhics have stopped to tell CNN how delighted they are by editor Maer Roshan's quirky editorial philosophy and determination not to treat celebrities with the usual glossy obeisance." (I'd link to the neverending love-it/hate-it reviews, but reviewing the reviews is more entertaining. And far less substantive!)
The bleeps, the sweeps and the creeps: Radar Magazine pops up on the radar screen [BlackTable]

· CNN's future obituaries [via MeFi]
· Scale comparison: Baghdad vs. New York [via Anil]
· City of Tomorrow links and images [via Muxway]

Tina Brown discusses the broadcast media's mad scramble to book relevant guest speakers during wartime. Winston S. Churchill (yes, they're relatedauthor of My Grandfather Invented Iraq) was in serious demand but when he appeared on CNN's Crossfire recently, "former Clinton spin-doctor James Carville s introduction to his guest was so perfunctory and hastily prepared it could be summarised as 'So, Winston, who the fuck are you?'" Tina also laments the cancellation of her talk show, and says that "'If only Tony Blair were President' is still the prevailing feeling among Americans." (Perhaps in New York, Tina. The rest of America's prevailing feelings about the PM would better be described as "Who's Tony Blair?")
CNBC's pre-emptive strike [Times2]