This week we had some issues with how people talk about transgender Americans. It's like Work It up in here or something. But that wasn't the real problem. The real problem was people seeing something and not saying something.

We love that we have such wonderful, wacky, and wild commenters, and we love that you guys disagree, argue, and have intense conversations. But some people need to know how to fight fair.

You ever been to a party and there's that one annoying person who always hijacks the conversation and brings it back to themselves and all the wonderful and important things they're doing right now? God, I hate those people.

Of all the annoying things that internet commenters do, and boy are there a lot of them, this is the one I hate the most. If you're commenting on an article, don't you think you should, you know, read the damn article!

There's a concept that applies to many reality television show fights that I wish the people on reality shows would embrace: both wrong. Sometimes people on both sides of a fight can be wrong. And for that, both should be punished.

There are many awful things that should await criminals: years in jail, solitary confinement, public humiliation, possibly execution (if you believe in that kind of thing), and rotting for eternity in hell (if you believe that kind of thing). But there is one that I'm sick of hearing about: prison rape.

We didn't execute any commenters last week. (Sorry, I was out of the office.) But that's the thing about the banhammer: You never know where or when it's going to drop. Who will get it this week?

After going crazy and banning multiple people for multiple offenses last week, I've decided to give the mighty banhammer a rest this week and teach you all about one of the newest commenting features here at Gawker.

You might have heard that old joke, "How does every racist joke start?" and then the person looks over his shoulder. It's true! No one wants people to think they're a racist, especially racists. Well, we're finally sick of them.

We all know the old adage "do as I say, not as a I do." Well, it seems there are some people who both say and do opposite things at the same time. Yes, it's time to stop saying that you're going to disagree with someone unless you're actually going to disagree with that person.

This week I was going to give everyone the ax who has a star but has yet to upload an avatar but, well, we haven't been showing avatars for days now. The tech team is working on it, I assure you, and while we wait I figured we'd focus on a few people who've engaged in one of my least favorite pet peeves.

The only thing we love more than a good joke are the peals of laughter that follow it. Who doesn't want people to laugh at their jokes? This is difficult to convey over the internet, though.

I had a friend who used to call diarrhea "the grunts." But the grunts we have around here are just the opposite. Rather than an unwanted and heavy flow, these grunts have little or nothing to say but just want to be heard. No more!

You ever go to a party and there is that one person who seems to piss off absolutely everyone he talks to? He doesn't stop talking, he just goes from group to group looking to start fights and get as much negative attention as he can muster? Well, we have one of those, and it's time he got kicked out of the party.

Being a Gawker commenter is a privilege, not a right. As such, we expect our esteemed commenters to display certain skills. They must be smart, witty, capable of making a sound argument, and they should also be able to find the shift key.

There are a bunch of easy, stupid, reflexive comments that people often make in an attempt to be funny. Although none of them are funny at all, there's one knee-jerk chuckle-chaser that really pisses me off.

There are so many new things here on Gawker these days that we thought it would be fun to bring back one of our older, time-honored features: commenter executions. That's right, we will be publicly and bloodily banning commenters who misbehave.

Do you like the new site design? The black? I think it's lovely. Reminiscent of DEATH. This is step 1 in my plan to turn Gawker into Jack Ketch's Blog of Commenter Executions and Pictures of Medieval Siege Weaponry. It's a new direction for the site, but think of the pageview counts when Gawker is the number 1 result for "Trebuchet" Google searches! None of this is true, really. I actually have no power. Which should be obvious, as most of my victims just return a few days later and continue the schtick they died for in the first place. It's a hard life, but a just one. After the jump, you shall find a few more victims to mourn until they return in 5 hours.

From our official Commenter Executioner, Jack Ketch: See the title? Get it? Because it's Friday the 13th and now you are dead! I was going to start this post with a history of Friday the 13th, why it's considered unlucky, and what a typical English Friday the 13th consisted of in my time. But then I realized I don't know anything about this day, and have been living here in the future for so long that I'm basically a lazy, ignorant, and slovenly American by this point. I can't even be bothered to write my posts in old timey English. I'll probably have to execute myself soon. So, it's Friday the 13th, which is bad if bad things happen to you today. Look both ways before crossing the street, don't stand near out of order elevator shafts, and make sure to wear your hat really low if you go wilding. They have cameras everywhere now. Fucking cameras. Let us jump, and please be careful not to slip, to the fun part.

Hey, hey, hey! It's time for some people to calm the fuck down... Abbe Diaz. I don't care who you are or what you've published—this kind of ad hominem, personal commenting-attack won't be tolerated here, because it's unintelligent and immature. And also, because I said so. The monkeys may be running the zoo here—but luckily, I'm one of them. That's all.