As you can imagine, most of the executions we wanted to carry out this week concerned people who sent us e-mail. Since that is sadly impossible (and, you know, illegal) we had to sate our bloodlust with the collection of commenters you'll find below. Thanks for stopping by, folks, we hope to see you again real soon.
We've got the Grindhouse fever and there's only one known cure, short of actually seeing Grindhouse: execute the bejesus out of a boatload of commenters. Block 'em all and let God sort 'em out. Let's do it.
You've actually been a fairly well-behaved—even entertaining and sometimes enlightening!—bunch this week. It's a shame to see any of you go. But upon us all the axe must fall, and this week we say goodbye to five members of the commenting community. Did you make the cut?
Hey, did you hear something? Yeah, you're right, probably just the wind. Oh, no, wait, it's COMMENTER EXECUTIONS! We've chosen to do things a little differently this week, with a group cull. Are you part of the group? The answer is after the jump.
We're in a surly mood this week at Gawker; surly and curt. After the jump we determine who lives and who dies, giving impossibly brief rationales for our executions. Yours, though, is not to reason why, yours is merely to comment and then face our wrath. The newly departed lie in state below.
What's that sound? Oh, it's a bell! And it's tolling for... these:
Without further ado, here comes the axe!
Thought we forgot, huh? Nope, it's Whacking Day! Say goodbye (for now) to:
Nothing is certain in this life save death. Much the same is true for comment status on Gawker; it can be rescinded at any time. For three commenters, that time is now. Today's executees:
We have a pretty good sense of how the comments section on this one are going to read, so think carefully before you repeat someone's obvious joke lest you wind up on this list in its next installment. Today's executees:
That picture of the guillotine can mean only one thing: We've overthrown the ancien r gime, and the Committee of Public Safety will soon unleash its reign of terror. Joyeuse Thermidor! Actually, no, we're just axing a few commenters. Up for the chop today:
Time once more for commenter ultraviolence, marinating us all in the precious bodily fluids of the executed. So many choices, but we tried to do the most harm to those doing the same. Today's victims:
The fat feathered gobbler isn't the only one on the block today. In the spirit of holiday sacrifice, we'll decapitate a few turkeys of our own, just to get you properly blooded up. Bring your own cranberry sauce. And don't worry, everyone gets a piece — but we get to carve.
Our commenter execution policy is tough but fair (and, let's face it, no permanent bar to re-entry.) Occasionally, however, one of the executed becomes so irate by having been banned that they wind up providing us with a fairly strong confirmation that out initial judgment was correct. After the jump we bring you the angry ramblings of a former Gawker commenter. We're gonna go ahead and assume that the [sic] is implied.
Did you miss us? And by "us," we mean bloody commenter revenge murders. Sometimes we like to give the commenting population an extra week to straighten up, but that time is past. And just to make up for our forbearance, you'll get more blood than usual today. A quartet of criminals go on the block, for their day is done. Consider it a meaty sacrifice on the altar of our new political age. So, let's clamber up the corpse-strewn ziggurat and see who's dead.
We'd like to mention that these regular culls do seem to be having an overall positive effect. Granted, we are merely chipping off the very point of the tip of the massive iceberg of commenters, but for the very first time, we actually had to consider for a moment who should get the ax. Only for a very brief moment, mind you, but that's a sea change from having to decide among dozens of killworthy nominees. For those of you still alive, keep up the great work. Enough with the carrot; time for the stick.
Welcome back to the comment execution terrordrome. Before we start chopping, some small advice — patience. Sometimes your comments are posted immediately. Sometimes it may take the system a few moments to digest your comment, once saved. No need to madly repaste your comment and save again, resulting in the public shame of a double-posted comment. We wouldn't be so cruel as to execute for such, but then, we've been punished for our forbearance in the past. Things could change. Meanwhile, the names of the dead:
Thought we'd wait a bit on this, right? The last bloodbath was comparatively recent, but as the comment village expands, so doth comment villainy. On a side note, we believe we've finally gotten that whole avatar graphic thing worked out properly, so go ahead and re-upload your personally visual witticism by clicking "Edit My User Profile" at the bottom of any Gawker post. Now, on to the banny goodness.
