connections

Defamer Connections: Humiliate A Huge Movie Star

mark · 08/21/06 05:25PM

We at Defamer realize that Craigslist's "Please check this box if you are actually a famous person anonymously seeking out sexual companionship" celebrity-verification system leaves a lot to be desired, but we can't take the chance that a "huge blockbuster movie star's" request to be humiliated by a less genetically gifted individual might go unanswered, potentially leading to an ugly Santa Monica Boulevard trannie solicitation incident if he's forced to take to the streets to satisfy his unconventional appetites.

Defamer Connections: Clean Your Way Through Your Hollywood Vacation

mark · 07/12/06 04:50PM

We at Defamer realize that once Hollywood-obsessed visitors on the loose in our fine city are done gaping at the celebrated names lining the Walk of Fame, measuring their appendages against those of the stars immortalized in the concrete in front of Grauman's Chinese Theatre (note to male tourists: avoid laying your genitals in Bruce Willis' infamous penis-imprint—you'll thank us later), and have escaped the Tickle Me Elmo who won't stop shoving them until they hand over five dollars for a Polaroid, they may be at a loss for further activities to fill the rest of their time here. Accordingly, we are happy to share an exciting opportunity offered by a pair of Craigslist-enabled entrepreneurs promising a one-of-a-kind experience for the adventure-hungry traveler:

Defamer Connections: 'Pirates' Pants-Plunderer Seeks Quickie Treasure

Seth Abramovitch · 07/11/06 04:05PM

Impressive CGI sequences and box office shattering numbers aside, we at Defamer realize some of this summer's major releases may leave audiences feeling a little underserved. All the more credit, then, to an anonymous Craigslist patron who seeks to enhance his Pirates of the Caribbean viewing experience, but doesn't need expensive bells and whistles like 3-D IMAX sequences to do so:

Defamer Connections: Date Yet Another Writer-Director With Issues

mark · 06/12/06 06:33PM

Defamer is committed to bringing together professionals from the entertainment industry who are "working," yet still insecure enough about their place in the local food chain to clarify that said employment is not at a national coffee-retailing concern, and the creative, screwed-up women who might tolerate these and various other "eccentric, funny, Jewish-y issues." Writes an anonymous Craigslist poster who doesn't need to look for dates on Craigslist, OK?:

Defamer Connections: Bottoms Up For 'Crash' Haters

mark · 03/06/06 08:26PM

Once Jack Nicholson cracked the Seventh Seal and read the words that ushered in Armageddon (we can't even bring ourselves to retype them), things seemed pretty bleak. But while we merely sat and waited for the Four Horsemen of the Hacky Apocalypse to gallop through our party and slaughter us like stuck pigs while we waited in the bathroom line, others were less passive about their post-Crash victory fate (warning: link very NSFW):

Defamer Connections: No Oscar Date? No Problem!

mark · 03/03/06 08:10PM

Strapped for an Oscar date with the ceremony less than two days away? Craigslist, provider of creative solutions to virtually any kind of Hollywood problem, is more than happy to play matchmaker. Why pay hundreds (or even thousands) of dollars to hire an escort—who'll probably just drug you and steal your wallet while you muse aloud about saving him/her from "the life"—when companionship like this is only a click away?

Defamer Connections: Relief For NBC's Rejects

mark · 02/03/06 12:56PM

You've been in this situation countless times: You've just labored through a meeting with some blank-faced NBC development people who are convinced that your brilliant idea "doesn't smell like a show," and, pacing the cold streets of Burbank, you're surprised to see that the frustrating encounter has made you visibly aroused. Covering up your unexpected tumescence with a copy of that day's Variety, you wonder where you can go for for relief. Never again shall you beat off in frustration in the Peacock's parking garage:

Defamer Connections: Lonely Writer Needs Hot Lady For Impressing Colleagues

mark · 11/16/05 01:10PM

We at Defamer realize that it's often quite difficult for successful TV writers to find suitably exotic arm candy while spending their best years locked up in a sitcom writers' room, that virtual hermetically sealed sausage chamber jam-packed with white dudes making dead baby jokes while waiting for the Nerf ball to finally come their way. We spotlight this anonymous message in a Craigslist bottle in hopes that we can help one lonely guy find someone sufficiently "presentable" to drag along to industry events, hopefully saving him some money on the extortionist prices levied by top-shelf escort services:

Defamer Connections: Must Love Dogs, Indentured Servitude

mark · 07/28/05 02:27PM

Defamer is committed to connecting Hollywood directors who lack the funds to hire separate employees to handle driving, cooking, cleaning, pet-tending, and assistant tasks with ambitious job-hunters willing and able to do anything for a chance to get their hands dirty (an occupational hazard of doggy poop-scooping ) in the business. Offers Craigslist: