Lilly the five-legged puppy was born to be a star. But some misguided "dog lover" types are determined to see to it that she never achieves her Freak Show career dream! You monsters.

Downtown artist Dash Snow died of a heroin overdose last week. The formation of his legacy is well underway. Was he an authentic artist with a tortured soul, or a selfish jerk who left his daughter fatherless?

Body-displaying sex symbol Jillian Barberie Reynolds still has a job as a, heh, "weather and lifestyle anchor" on Fox TV in L.A., while actual journalists are getting laid off. How long will we allow sexy ladies to defile our televisions?

Chrissie Brodigan, captured the hearts and minds of New York after pulling her puking pug dog off the L train and subsequently getting arrested for it. Now, she's been fired from her job. This has gone too far!

Chrissie Brodigan was victimized once, when her pug dog threw up on the L train. She was victimized again when she was arrested for the puking incident. Now she may lose her job.

Speaking of important Michael Jackson news, pancake-painter-to-the-stars Dan Lacey has some! He painted this moving portrait of "Joe Jackson with a Michael Jackson memorial ticket and a pancake upon his head." Ebay is censoring it!

You might have thought that Los Angeles is a progressive city, but think again. All it takes is one little wink-wink ass-fucking photo shoot with a movie star and high school students to get parents all upset.

Yesterday, Chrissie Brodigan said she was manhandled by a cop and arrested just because her pug dog threw up on the L train. But the cop says she's a raving anti-Semite! Let's explore this breathtakingly minor controversy.

Bill O'Reilly has been harassing George Tiller, the Kansas abortion doctor murdered at the church where he served as a deacon earlier today, for some time now, both with incendiary rhetoric and by dispatching producers Jesse Watters and Porter Barry to ambush him, his lawyer, and the Governor of Kansas.

Should you, the Average Joe Schmoe Loser Nobody "Little Person," be allowed to see all the dirty details of a rich, famous person's divorce? Rich, famous people do not think that you should, surprisingly!

Today, after much protest, controversy and hysterical outrage, Barack Obama delivered the commencement address at Notre Dame. In his speech to the Catholic school's graduates, Obama addressed growing concerns about his "respect for life" head-on.

Who shall stand up in defense of no-offense-but-no-gaymars-please Miss California, Carrie Prejean? Besides certain parts of the straight male anatomy, HAHA? Tabloidian sex fiend Andrea Peyser shall! Hark:

The AP is currently suing (and being sued by) Shepard Fairey over his famous 'Obama' image, stolen from the AP. Here's the front page of the AP photo site on Friday. Ha. SUBTLETY.

Edwina Pearce, a spokeswoman for the Cancer Council Victoria, which produced the ad in Australia, said the boy, whom she identified only as Alexander, shed real tears.

Ha, Barack Obama's official photographer thinks he snapped this shot of a young Vladimir Putin standing there dressed like a big old nerd, ready to meet Ronald Reagan, 21 years ago in Moscow. Conspiracy?

"Is it racist for white people to shoot black zombies?" asks the prestigious Wall Street Journal. It's a touchy issue, and we all have our opinions. But are those opinions stupid?

Ha: Mazda, the corporate owner of merman Michael Phelps, made Phelps apologize to the entire nation of China for inhaling THC-laden smoke, from a bong. Just imagine the devastating effects that had, on China.

Did you know that acclaimed pancake-head artist Dan Lacey is also an erotic cartoonist? It's true! But now his eBay-ing rights are under attack from a dreaded conservative blogger.

In your special weekend media column (whoa!): Traders die, generals lie, and the media influence of international oligarchs multiplies:

This little ad for Will Ferrell's new one-man show about GW Bush was banned from both ABC and CBS after outraged viewers decried its profane terminology. Bunch of D's. Watch it below, for freedom: