Thanks to the internet, dirty New York cops can no longer go around busting up bars and robbing them, because the surveillance footage will wind up on YouTube, then in the tabloids, and finally here:

A Fox News anchor finds the words "Top Cop" so difficult to read off the teleprompter he finally just gives up and says "ah, whatever." It's not the first time this has happened!

Hey, remember that college journalist who got in trouble last year for his bold, two-word editorial, "Fuck Bush?" Well that kid just got an honest-to-god scoop about a heinously corrupt (college) cop. Cussing indicates greatness!

Click to viewBoomp3.com Law enforcement-lover Seth Green took a moment out of his busy schedule to show his love for the girls and boys in blue in the Big Apple. The Sex Drive star has been a fan of the coppers ever since they found his missing bicycle a few months back. Green said, “I was already to go on Craigslist to look for a replacement, but then there was a knock on my door. I opened the door and there was Officer Smith holding my cherished Huffy ten speed. I was pretty down about it, but then like a ray of sunshine, Officer Smith warmed me up. We even busted some kids for skateboarding together.” [Photo Credit: Splash Pics] *A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

Last night, a mob of dangerously dancing hipsters armed with boom boxes and dressed as terrifying pandas marched from Union Square to Williamsburg, where the NYPD met them in force. Apparently, dancing and loud music on a hot August evening can lead to any end of mischief, so our boys and girls in blue twisted arms, threw people down, and destroyed at least one portable stereo.

Christopher Long, the Critical Mass cyclist pushed off his bike by a rookie cop—and captured on YouTube—is back at his job in Union Square's Greenmarket. He's not talking to press because there are pending charges against him of assault and resisting arrest. (They'll probably be dropped.) Meanwhile: investigation 2.0! Because of videos like this one, Police Commissioner Ray Kelly tells the Post that "Within the next two months, people will be able to send video and text straight to 911 to increase flow of information." Naw, they'll just hide them. Send all video footage straight to us. [Daily News]

We love LA, cops.

Internet first amendment rights were threatened yesterday when RateMyCop.com was shut down. As the name implies, the site allows users to rate local uniformed cops. The host, GoDaddy.com, told the owner that it was taken offline for "suspicious activity." The site is back up, but Rate My Cop's inevitable failure is a good reminder that the internet is still a playground for rich kids.

Philly local newscaster, former News 12 reporter, emailer of bikini photos to married sportscasters, and twice-divorced former dater of married WCBS anchors Alycia Lane allegedly punched an undercover lady cop in the face early yesterday morning after complaining that their unmarked car was traveling too slowly through Chelsea. And as a result we got to hear Pat Kiernan say "dyke bitch" this morning on NY1, the best way to start a week ever!

According to a stunning Post exclusive, the NYPD pretty much operates like last week's wacky Onion story about an "entire precinct made up of loose cannons." They obtained the 2006 annual report by NYPD's Internal Affairs Bureau, and they make the most of the alternatively hilarious and creepy findings. Cops are all stealing from dead people and doing drugs and coercing women into having sex with them.

Last night at one of New York's precinct houses, two officers of the peace were discussing O.J. Simpson's latest troubles. One was black (PO1) , the other white (The White One).

It's been months since the modest trickle of swag into Defamer HQ has yielded an item useful or interesting enough to survive longer than thirty seconds before finding its way into the trash can (seemingly each week, the UPS guy gets to hear our anguished cry of, "Fucking hell, another Mad TV screener? Is that show even still on?" before taking two steps backs towards the safety of his brown truck), but just moments ago, Fox delivered a winner to promote the 20th season of everyone's favorite shirtless-rednecks-denying-domestic-battery-accusations series: a keychain alcohol tester which, in the words of the enclosed note from the show's executive producer, "might prevent your being included in a COPS cameo." Finally, someone really gets us!

The power of Patrolmen's Benevolent Association cards are an open secret among those who often get pulled over or do stupid things for which they would normally be arrested. (to wit: a friend who was caught throwing lit matches onto train tracks avoided getting arrested by flashing his card), though they're distributed so widely that more often than not, they're ignored unless you have one of the special family members-only badges. Still, distributing the cards to journalists is a nice touch for anyone who's considering how they'd like to be bought off this year. Cheers, PBA!

Too golden — Stefan Eriksson (the Gizmondo exec who ripped his Ferrari apart in L.A.) might have taped the crash from inside the car. Who knows what it'd look like — cops haven't found the alleged video yet. But as a consolation prize, the L.A. Times (who's digging this story as much as I am) shares this simulation (opens in a media player) of the crash. Man, "crash the rare Enzo" would have made a great Gizmondo game — if Gizmondo's console hadn't been such a car wreck itself.

The LA Times picks up a new twist to the Stevan Eriksson Ferrari crash story. The crooked ex-Gizmondo exec who totaled his car (to be crystal-clear: split his car in half while driving drunk) in L.A. flashed a business card at the cops.