Craig Newmark, the hypernerdy classifieds-site operator who's destroying the newspaper industry, has found the limits of Craigslist. After repeated appeals online, he's taken to looking for a pair of lost glasses using old media.
Are you ready for MASS NANNY/MAID LAYOFFS? We're sure that Manhattan nanny Yvette is touched that her former employers are reaching out to the good people of Craigslist to help her find a new job.
The economy is worse off than we thought: It seems some Wall Streeters have been turned to drug dealing. A sting operation on Craigslist uncovered a rather unlikely culprit: "A Citigroup vice president, Mark Rayner, attracted police attention after posting an ad offering Ecstasy, ketamine, cocaine and crystal meth. An undercover cop arrested him after he tried to sell 50 Ecstasy pills and 7 grams of cocaine." But at least Rayner has a new career lined up—unlike the vast majority of the 50,000 Citi employees who were laid off yesterday. [NYDN]
Chin up, unemployed journalists! Though media companies seem to accelerate their layoffs every day — Time Inc. Europe, People and CondeNet were on deck Tuesday — the optimist looks for opportunity in the panicked horror. One might, for example, sell one's soul to the horrid zombie Web corpse of a long-dead print magazine. Or beg, probably in vain, for a job at Starbucks. And if none of that works, you can always write, for free, for PumpsMag.com, an "Exotic Dancing Industry" publication where editors "equate ourselves with Forbes, Esquire, and/or Cosmopolitan magazines in our demographic and content." You know it's a classy gig because it says so right in the ad! Details after the jump.
It's becoming a real hassle to offer sex for money on Craigslist, apparently. At first sex workers just had to think up a euphemism for prostitution, like "FULL EROTIC EXAMINATION" or "naughty sweet treat" or the cryptic "GFE" or the almost sweet "delightful relaxing time." Then, earlier this year, they had to have a working phone number, and listings dropped 80 percent. Now, under pressure from attorneys general in 40 states, Craigslist is going to require "erotic services" providers to pony up $10 for each listing, and pay with a credit card, which the police will be able to subpoena. The sex workers are already complaining, via NSFW ads. Law enforcement authorities say their real targets are pimps:
Everyone's favorite blowjobs-for-hire site has pledged to appease 40 state attorneys general by "curbing prostitution ads." You can read Melissa Gira Grant's in-progress response, but the kicker is CEO Jim Buckmaster's promise to start charging $10 a pop or so for Erotic Services ads. It's not pimping, it's protection — haha! I knew I couldn't say that with a straight face.
The problem with the staunch individualism bred into most Americans is their utter inability to band together for the greater good once every few years or so. Instead, we jealously hoard whatever we have, suspiciously eying our neighbor and selling him a broken lawn mower. Obama will maybe-probably win tomorrow, and a rally in Chicago is all planned. The black market for the free-yet-sold-out tickets is, of course, on Craigslist. Ticketholders have taken capitalism to its fullest conclusion, selling the tickets they originally got for nothing. (Hey, ill-gotten infusions of capital are what this country was built on!) They're are being offered in some cases for $1000 a pair: "No sob stories need apply—we're saving to put 3 kids through college, so I don't need to hear about your student loans and how you can only afford $20." Well God bless you, too! There's also flirtation-for-Obama tickets, date-for-Obama tickets... one thing's for sure: we ain't above sellin' it.Of course, it wouldn't be Craigslist without somebody coming on to tell us that we're all pathetic:
When you're just a lonely regular person, you can always post a personal ad on Craigslist. But what if you're a lonely celebrity person? And not just any celebrity person, but a celebrity person with a medical degree and board certification, who millions turn to regularly for health advice? Well, then it's not so easy. For starters, forget the Craigslist personals, and move over to the help wanted section—because what you're looking for is a PR assistant to help you weed through the available dating pool, smoking out the social-climbers, the gold-diggers, and the butterfacers in search of The One:
You can use Craigslist to find a sex partner in half an hour or less—or, once you've exhausted those options, to find a (lady) writer to help you tell your story of sex addiction—enabled in part by that very website! "I have basically been a sex addict enabled completely by the internet world for the last 13 plus years. I have met and been with dozens of women, men, couples and chatted with 100's more online..."
In a Craigslist post titled "R.I.P. Good Times? Save Money by Sharing our SoMa Office," a San Francisco startup seeks a cotenant to defray its monthly lease. It's an allusion toVC firm Sequoia Capital's times-are-tough presentation, which called on startups to cut their burn rates. What the ad doesn't say: The fact that this startup has space to spare means it rented an oversized office, likely in the hopes of making more hires, and now realizes it can't fill it. Any guesses, based on the details in the ad — a top executive named Justin, an office at 7th and Mission — who it is? Leave them in the comments. Here's the ad, with more pictures:
We all have dreams—dangerous, beautiful, wonderful dreams—though, sadly, not all of us get chances to realize them. But when you do get that chance, when those sparkling stars align, oh it's a most joyous occasion. I for one always wanted to get paid for calling people gay. And we all know that turned out! Pretty darn well. Now I'd like to pay it forward, and help out a young Craigslist poster who dreams of going on a romantic getaway to the islands with CNN anchor and silver fox pretty gay man Anderson Cooper. You see, the young fellow, moored in the dusty meat lockers of Chicago, has recently called it quits with his boyfriend of two years. Now he has these plane tickets and these hotel reservations and... sigh. So does anyone have the Coop's email address or phone number to pass on to the young dreamer? Oh, and Anderson, he'll pay for "90% of the expenses"! Who knows what the other 10% will be for. We're guessing that it begins with an 'A' and ends with '-nguillan rent boys with killer brown eyes.'
Here's another quasi-useless application powered by Google Maps: HookupMaps.com plots out the "casual encounters" section of Craigslist, so you can now see precisely where all the ugly people are getting busy in real-time. As for the person looking for a little excitement at Ground Zero, it's a "BBW looking for West Indian man," just in case you're interested and you meet the criteria. [HookupMaps via CNET]
Want to get knocked up by a blond Frankenstein who thinks everything in life is attributable to genetics? All you have to do is pay off his college debt! This Craigslist user will provide you with his "A+" manseed if you relieve him of his responsibility to pay for the education he's received. Just what is "A+" sperm? It's "Irish/Danish. 6', blond, light green eyes, great complexion, great teeth (never needed braces), very well endowed, can eat anything—and not gain weight, natural abdominal six pack." How like a god! Also? Genetics makes this specimen, "Very much into athletics, music, the arts, business..." Plus: "I believe I have great taste." Click through for a bigger pic. By the way, maybe delete the part about being Irish? The bottle is the curse of you people. [Craigslist]
Two years ago, after Ed Norton was chivalrous to a New York waitress, we wondered if his career was on the ropes because "Quality celebrities would never be nice to you." Well, the film star must have let the financial success of the Incredible Hulk go to his head, because now he can't buy groceries without pissing off Hollywood insiders with his insolence. Witness the attached Missed Connections ad on Craigslist, already pulled, which firmly establishes that Norton does not take kindly to being complimented while buying frozen shrimp. (Frozen shrimp? Those are tricky waters for a self-professed environmentalist!) Consider yourself warned the next time you see Norton at the Spotted Pig or whatever! (Click the thumbnail to view the original post.)
It was announced today that Barack Obama will be buying a half-hour of primetime television on both CBS and NBC just a few days before the November 4 election. The political infomercial reps good news for both networks (which can pre-empt low-rated shows like Gary Unmarried and Knight Rider in favor of a pre-sold half hour), but it may be even better news for the frisky Craigslister who just posted this offer:
Depression sex! No, not because you're depressed—because the economy is! As in, "the world is falling apart around us, let's cling together because we could all die and/or lose our jobs tomorrow." Remember the spate of hookups and reunited lovers post-9/11? This is a little like that. When the going gets desperate... the desperate turn to the Craigslist casual encounters.1.) Standard layoffs. Finance and Wall Street types, bored and sad in their apartments.
A young literary agency lass is having trouble making, like, a flowchart of all the publishers! She's taken to the Craigslist personals section for the cure: "I think there's a handful of major conglomerates who own all the main publishers... Does a chart like this exist? I'm a cute girl, and if you help me out I'll send you some free galleys :)" Hey, Ms. Cutie? We just busted you. Consider it your first lesson in tough love, and please take to heart the advice Toby Young just gave me: "Don't get too comfortable. You could be fired in the next 48 hours." In this climate, we're all lucky just to have a job. So do yours.
More than a dozen workers seeking $28.50 an hour for a job advertised on Craiglist showed up at a designated site in Monroe, Washington. Most wore, as requested, a "yellow vest, safety goggles, a respirator mask… and, if possible, a blue shirt." They didn't realize they were set up as decoys to confuse police, by a similarly dressed robber who pepper-sprayed an armored car guard at a nearby bank. The robber grabbed a bag of cash from the guard, then escaped down a local creek on an inflated tire inner tube. (Photo by KING-TV)
