This week’s Pacific Standard story on a racist neighborhood listserv (“When you all see these people... tell them to get out of our neighborhood”) reminds us to remind you: if you are a member of a racist or otherwise crazy neighborhood listserv, email us. The Park Slope parents ain’t getting the job done any more.

AMES, IOWA—Abortion. Abominable gays. And god’s abiding dislike of the current Democratic administration. Hey 90s kids: remember 1996? Remember the Culture Wars? They’re back.

Fellow worker: I wish you a very joyous “Struggle Against American Imperialism” month. Raise high your fists against the hostile animalistic imperialist!

Just a couple of years ago, Mohamed El-Erian was one of the most powerful financiers in the world, overseeing nearly $2 trillion as CEO of Pimco. Now, he’s, uh... well, he has a Fitbit?

Tall socialist New York mayor Bill “de” Blasio was elected as a stiff shot of progressivism to counteract the city’s Mike Bloomberg money-centric hangover. Now, one of NYC’s minorities—white people—are quite cross.

Cutting edge newspaper columnist Peggy Noonan today warns college kids about the danger of “trigger warnings.” Huh. Have you heard of this?

Damn, Texas A&M University at Galveston management professor Irwin Horwitz—you’re a wild motherfucker.

The president. Sitting atop a white rock—America, pure as snow, a monument. Lincoln. The ballot box—a throne of our nation. Shall the free press poop atop it? Undulating, in the wind.

Woozy 80s icon Peggy Noonan is, despite all rational reasoning, a professional political expert, paid real American money to deliver her thoughts on the public affairs issues of the day. Is Peggy Noonan a psychic psychologist super-detective? Maybe...

UrbanBaby.com has a reputation as the message board of choice for wealthy, sophisticated, hateful east coast urbanites. What is the real lineage of anonymous UrbanBaby posters? Why, they are glad that you asked.

Doddering Reaganite Peggy Noonan can remember the olden days—yes, that is clear. The rest of it is a bit of a blur, though.

Russia's economy continues to collapse today, just like yesterday and the day before. You don't think Vladimir Putin is gonna do some crazy shit soon? Take a look at this TV ad.

You may have noticed in the news today that Russia's currency is crumbling into tiny, useless bits before our very eyes. How will evil strongman Vladimir Putin respond? Probably by doing some crazy shit.

Reagan-era medicine cabinet and native-born American citizen Peggy Noonan has long had the gift of being able to interpret foreign cultures using nothing more than her pure heart and an overflowing mug of gin. Today, she turns her eye to the Far East.

Richard Cohen is a dotty old racist newspaper columnist with the Washington Post and one of the worst professional opinion writers in America. More importantly: he's a man. A real man.

Today's date is November 21, 2014. Illustrating Peggy Noonan's newspaper column today is a photo of Ronald Reagan's funeral. Ronald.. sweet Ronald... Peggy hath not forgotten you.

Wistful Reagan groupie Peggy Noonan puts her finger on the Obama administration's prime failing: "Coherence: The administration has been unable to explain persuasively the reasoning behind its current priorities (global warming? really?)." Global warming? Really? Not a word about inadequate airport hotels? For shame.

Andrea Peyser, a troll who lives under a bridge and also an anger columnist at the New York Post, is very angry about the fact that the NYPD choked Eric Garner to death, then let his mom out of a traffic ticket. She's mad about the ticket part.

Peggy Noonan was friends with Oscar de la Renta. Were you? Pity. A fine man. A fine, gentle, and wise man. A Reagan, of the world of drapery. Why can't you, the childish majority, be like him?

Breathy Reaganite Peggy Noonan is more than a doddering captive of her own apartment, peeking around corners for imaginary spirits that haunt her. She is also an expert on infectious disease screening processes. And a land, that we call, America.