Congressman Louis Gohmert (R - TX, of course), who compared Obama to Hitler last week, has uncovered a devious plot: Pregnant terrorists, immigrating to the U.S. and having American-citizen-terrorist babies. Louie Gohmert: Voting on laws that affect you every day!

After a six-week manhunt, police arrested the "mysterious ex-con" Brian Alexik, a 34-year-old weirdo with a cache of weapons, counterfeiting equipment and a weird relationship with the CIA. So is this guy the real-life Jason Bourne, or what?

Here's famously insane Texas Rep. Louis Gohmert reading a column from prominent conservative Thomas Sowell about why Barack Obama setting up a $20 billion BP claims fund makes him literally Hitler. Thanks again for the envoy, Texas' first congressional district!

Andrea Peyser is but a simple tabloid sex columnist. But she knows one thing: well, she doesn't know what she "knows," because that would be an epistemological question (epistemology=bad). But she's against filling kids' minds with trash like "thoughts."

Gary Brooks Faulkner, the sword-wielding patriot arrested in Pakistan while hunting Osama bin Laden, may have been near his prey in the mountainous Chitral district. Said one American spy, "If you're looking for Osama, you might try Chitral." [AtWar]

A 52-year-old California man, Gary Brooks Faulkner, was arrested Sunday in northern Pakistan carrying a 40 inch sword, a pistol, night vision goggles, and a book of Christian verses. He told police he was looking for Osama bin Laden. [AP]

Failed Hewlet-Packard CEO Carly Fiorina last week dissed California Senator Barbara Boxer's hair, and now that's all anyone cares about. But she wants people to focus on important issues—like how evil the Endangered Species Act is. [FoxNews]

Remember our close artistic visionary friend, Dan Lacey, pancake painter to the stars and maker of whims coming true? Yes. Well, he's being subpoenaed by insane birther queen and aspiring California politico Orly Taitz. Because of... conspiracy?

Chris Simcox, co-founder of the Minutemen border militia and recent primary opponent of John McCain, is getting divorced. According to his wife, it's just small stuff, like how he "twice brandished a gun and threatened to shoot his family."

The diversity-embracing New York Post posted a story this morning about the arrest of a suspect in connection with a Central Park sex attack last week. Already, the Post's peerless commenters have unearthed three separate deplorable angles.

Terrible possible news for the California Republican party: the most famous and eccentric birther in America, Orly Taitz, could win her GOP primary tomorrow for California secretary of state—a high-ranking position that involves certifying election results!

We're not sure what started the elderly Russian's assault on the liquor aisle, but points for determination. Apparently the mayhem ended with six cops trying to subdue the woman.

Remember that kooky video last week of the hospital PR man who simply would not stop touching a local news reporter, no matter what? Is there anyone in the world who thought that flack was good? Oh yes—there is.

The bids are in for Newsweek! Who wants to be the next owner of this classic American magazine, now that the Washington Post Co. has acknowledged it will never make a penny? A diverse group of...interesting people.

Sally Quinn is the wife of legendary Washington Post newsman Ben Bradlee. Sally Quinn has dedicated her life to the most petty, self-regarding, insular interpretation of what "Washington" means. Now comes a new profile of Sally Quinn. She is bad.

A new University of Washington poll found that many Tea Partiers believe "lesbians and gays have too much political power," and that despite hating our new commie government, they want Medicare and Social Security to remain in place.

Eliot Hess is a former hippie and current PR firm owner. Terry Borg and Thomas Pienkos are both executives in the Trump Organization. They all live in the same co-op. And their childish, idiotic email war is now big news!

The psychos of China have upgraded from killing defenseless school children with knives to killing three judges with an automatic weapon. Once they combine the guns with the school attacks, they'll be just like us. [WSJ]

Since George Washington is dead and Glenn Beck doesn't know who is going to be the next president, the only logical step is to...build a George Washington?

Philly fameball Arthur Kade is the self-proclaimed "White Oprah With Balls." Give him some props for that. And for the graphic you see here, which he made himself. Okay. So, how does White Oprah With Balls rate Lost's finale?