In your last 2009 media column (crying all around): Scientologists now practice their nuttery journalism-style, E&P closes, Tim Tebow ready to lead Christian Soldiers against Fox, and Regis returns!

Guys! Andy Martin, the crazy antisemite who started the "Obama is a Muslim" rumor and who is now running gay-baiting ads against some Republican in Illinois, went to college with Roger Ebert!

Orange County Newsmaker of the Year, Birther Queen, Attorney, and Dentist Orly Taitz says it is time to begin our armed rebellion! But her former lover says she is treacherous!

As Christmas approaches and hearts across the world are warmed by good cheer, New York Post grave-pisser Andrea Peyser would like to take the time to piss on a murdered man's grave. She's a contrarian, what can she do?

What is just the latest thing that respected American political figurine Sarah Palin has done? She was spotted cavorting about on the beach in a visor with John McCain's name totally blacked out. Her Sharpie-based assault has not gone unnoticed.

Oh, hey, CPAC is coming up. That is the annual conference for dedicated conservatives. And just to prove that the Republican Party is back in a big way, the John Birch society is a 2010 CPAC sponsor!

In your tricky Tuesday media column: Ski Resorts are the Stasi of Colorado journalism, the White House press corps exercises its shit-eating grin, The New Yorker cuts its fiction, and a dead magazine overview.

Sadly, no pictures, but Sarah Palin signed a copy of her book for Minnesota Representative Michele Bachmann. She wrote, "Michele, we love you." This does jeopardize our Lost Highway Balthazar Getty/Bill Pullman theory of those two, a bit.

Last week at this time, nutty Johnson & Johnson heiress Casey Johnson was sitting behind bars, having been arrested for stealing jewelry, clothing, shoes, and underwear from a former model named Jasmine Lennard. (She was also accused of leaving behind a wet towel and used vibrator as her "calling card," but that's another story.)

One of the Chicago men charged in October with plotting to murder the guy who drew the controversial Danish Muhammad cartoon is now also charged with planning the 2008 Mumbai terrorist attacks. Murderous cartoon-hatred is a surefire craziness indicator.[NYT]

"Republican Facebook Racism" is such old hat these days, that we barely noticed the crazy Tennessee mayor dude. And that is itself kind of a problem! Look how many fans this wonderful bigot has!

You should probably read the incredible summaries posted by those who witnessed this bizarre celebration of one man's incredibly dysfunctional self-regard. The basic story: Glenn Beck is "Eddie," and he is poor, and his mom makes him a sweater, and then he kills his mom with ingratitude, and then he cries on the floor while a black woman sings at him, and then he runs through a cornfield during a storm, and his mom comes back to life. And then Glenn Beck, who is no longer Eddie, explains that the capitalists at Simon and Schuster forced him to write that terrible dream ending, and in reality, he did kill his real-life mom with ingratitude.

Harold "Hal" Turner, pitiful racist guy with an internet radio show, is living out a fantasy by being put on trial by the Feds for advocating the murder of judges. Which is less hardcore when you consider he's a snitch.

Lib bigots are faking climate change and electing a British monkey to the presidency. Only outrageous crypto-conservative statements in the media can save us. Time for your daily outrage-off! Today: Andrew Breitbart vs. Birthers. Vote in the outrage poll below!

We feel it is important for PR professionals to be aware—for the record—that the owner of the PR-centric media guide Bulldog Reporter is an odious free speech-hater and enemy of journalism. [Update: Letter from Sinkinson added below].

Iver Johnson Revolvers "are not toys: they shoot straight and kill." Nevertheless, they're "absolutely safe," and "Papa says they won't hurt us." In 1913, as now, gun owners were mainly schizophrenics. [Copyranter]

The Republicans were embarrassed when their candidate in NY-23 turned out to be too electable to be acceptable to the psychos who've seized control of their party. RNC members have proposed a solution: a purity test!

Last week, Forbes columnist and NYU professor Tunku Varadarajan won our Outrage-off for his column about crazy Muslim murderers lurking amongst us. NYU radicals have struck back with a revolutionary pie-ing of Varadarajan's Islamaphobic allies!

If you're a sexxxy lady, reactionary New York Post sex columnist Andrea Peyser will rhapsodize about your long, smooth legs. But if you're an ugly, fat, liberal lady (by Peyser standards), Andrea Peyser wishes you death. Lonely, ugly, fat death.

Everyone is paying so much attention to one crazy liar lady that they have forgotten all about the other one, the one who still holds elected office! Thankfully, Michele Bachmann is stepping up the crazy.