Courtney Love bid $120,000 at last night's Elton John Foundation benefit lto go out on a date with Bill Clinton. Fortunately for the former president, Love didn't end up winning the auction. But that's okay. She has fond memories of meeting Hillary Clinton a few years ago: "I had breakfast with [Hillary Clinton] once at the Chateau Marmont in about 2004. We have the same hairdresser. We had a great breakfast—she's great, she gossips. We gossiped and we talked about corporate mergers. She's a lot more fun than you would think." [NYM/Vulture]

Several large NYC landlords are moving to ban smoking inside their own apartment complexes, and on the sidewalks outside them, as well. Clearly, this violates our just-made-up list of Places People Can Always Smoke, No Takebacks.

British writer Ian Martin (The Thick Of It decided to unfollow all of his real Twitter friends and replace them with racist psychos. American conservatives, in other words. He calls this project "wrongtwitter." It is eye-opening.

Today in "what on earth is Sarah Palin talking about": is John McCain responsible for all those legal debts she accrued that forced her to stop governing Alaska and instead write a steamy political romance-thriller?

Nidal Hasan, a Muslim, killed a bunch of people at Ft. Hood. This is a challenge to the right wing to come up with the most outrageously crazy thing to say, about Muslims. Today: Bill O'Reilly vs. Bryan Fischer.

So far this week, the UN missions of six separate countries have been temporarily shut down and decontaminated because they received envelopes full of flour in the mail. This whole "anthrax" thing is overrated.

Nidal Hasan, a Muslim, killed a bunch of people at Ft. Hood. Clearly, this calls for the angriest members of the right wing to compete to say the most paleoracist anti-Muslim thing. Today: Pat Robertson vs. Tunku Varadarajan.

It took a punch to the face to make newspapers edgy again. Could a drunken punch to the face (of a woman), after an argument about racism, make the Ivy League edgy, too? One Columbia prof is testing that theory!

Here's a fun post that connects Fort Hood to "the feminization of the military." Enjoy!

This wonderfully creepy man, of the Yearning for Zion Ranch in Eldorado, Texas, faces 20 years in jail. But it was all just polygamist love, and you don't know and you weren't there he says.

Tom Cruise! He is so crazy, what with the Scientology madness. It's been so long since we heard examples of his craziness. Thank god there is a new tell-all book! In which Tom Cruise controls inanimate objects, with brainwaves.

Peter Braunstein is a convicted rapist and certified psycho with serious mental problems. But he's so tabloid-y! What's his latest crazy celebrity obsession, for the public to point and laugh about? Inside Edition knows!

Two Chicago men have been arrested and charged with plotting to kill the Danish cartoonist who drew this controversial Muhammad cartoon back in 2005. Religious fanatics will not rest until they have incompetently harassed this mediocre cartoonist to distraction.

The CDC's complex swine flu education efforts have been so consumed with twittering away vaccine fears that it forgot to inform a few Michiganders of the very basic fact that you can't catch H1N1 from a dead body.

The Swine Flu is either a excuse to declare martial law and enslave the white race, or it is genetically engineered plague with no cure. Either way, isn't it convenient that President Obama's daughters haven't been vaccinated?

This week, everyone was crazy or in jail or getting laid off. And the conventional wisdom got turned on its head!

It only cost the city of Mount Vernon, Washington $17,748.85 in police overtime and whatnot to host their "Glenn Beck Day." Cheaper than buying a slave! [UPI]

Check out this picture of disgraced Dolce & Gabbana flack-turned alleged felon voicemail hacker Ali Wise being like, "OMG...Muscle Milk Light?!" What? Oh, today's news: Ali Wise was mean, say snitches. Others say: Nuh uh!

Pretty blond fashion PR women can get away with anything—except being charged with surreptitiously hacking the voicemails of multiple romantic rivals in a fit of jealous insanity. That's not a good "PR Play," it turns out. Sorry, Ali Wise.

Ali Wise, the former Dolce & Gabanna publicist who got in a bit of trouble for hacking into the voicemail of anyone dating her ex-boyfriends, has been charged with four felonies. The true extent of her craziness is absolutely crazy.