British department store chain John Lewis is known for its annual Christmas ads, which feature some sort of aggressively cute concept and a new cover of a popular song that will immediately top the U.K. charts. This year, though, they've been hard at work developing weaponized make-you-cry technology. Hope you like sobbing!
Maddy the cat went missing two months ago, but her family never entirely gave up hope that she might come home. And then, this: Mom spotted the beloved 13-year-old pet wandering around near a gas station and brought her home for a surprise reunion with the kids.
Kids are annoying no matter how you slice it, but if they are crying their heads off and yelling "I want fucking pie!" when you're in line at a Burger King, the only natural recourse is to then buy every single pie in sight so that the kid just has to fucking deal. One man, a Gawker hero, claims on Reddit to have done just that.
Sadie, age 5, has just confronted the fact that her adorable baby brother won't stay a baby forever. His little baby smiles will soon become slightly-less-adorable toddler smiles. And eventually, the icy finger of death will beckon her, her brother, and all of us. Probably when we're a hundred.
Beyoncé's been making Kelly Rowland cry a lot lately. More than usual, probably.
Lifetime premiered its Taylor/Burton biopic, Liz & Dick, last night. It was highly anticipated because Lindsay Lohan starred as Elizabeth Taylor and schadenfreude is the marijuana of the masses. So we all went on Twitter and giggled our way through it (not terrible enough, my ass). The film delivered precisely zero insight into the strange, twisted saga of the Hollywood royalty involved. They joke broke up and got back together a lot and she breathed heavily and threw things. Grant Bowler, who played Richard Burton, got most of the straightforwardly campy lines (he talked about the "ocean inside" Taylor), but Lohan's amusingly horrific acting made up for Christopher Monger's bland script.
Crying is only natural, but only for humans, says The New York Times in their super academic op-ed, "I Cry, Therefore I Am." Michael Trimble, the author of the teary piece in question, is an emeritus professor of behavioral neurology and a consultant neuropsychiatrist at the Institute of Neurology, University College London.
Everybody's going to be crying when Oprah's new interview with Rihanna airs later this week. Rihanna's going to be crying. Oprah's going to be crying. The balmy Barbados breeze is going to be crying. We're going to be crying.
That's Madonna performing "Like a Virgin" last week during an MDNA Tour stop in Berlin with tears streaming down her face. Why are tears streaming down her face? I don't know. She'd performed this song live for audience in this ballad style almost a dozen times at this point, and it doesn't seem that the song grabbed her like it did during this performance. (In other words, this doesn't seem to be a cry-every-night-at-the-same-exact-part Janet Jackson "Again" scenario.)
Last night's BET Awards featured a 20+ minute extravaganza tribute to Whitney Houston that included Mariah Carey talking about herself (...and Whitney), Monica blowing the doors off the place with a cover of "I Love the Lord" (from The Preacher's Wife) and Chaka Khan reclaiming the song that Whitney once made her own, "I'm Every Woman."
We've got two options here: (1) A person sobs remembering times with his mother, who struggled with bipolar disorder and depression and died of cancer in 2003, or (2) Newt Gingrich does a very Newt Gingrich thing in trying to save his campaign by crying a couple of days before voting starts. Or (3), some sort of comibination. We've got three options here! You decide.
If you give someone Ron Paul's book Liberty Defined for Christmas, hopefully that person specifically requested it? Because here we have some gal reading a line about Israel being an "apartheid state," and crying. Oh well, you tried. But it would be best to resume giving her the newest editions of The Best Bland Bathroom Reading for People Who've Never Left Their Bathrooms starting next year.
With Christmas nearly upon us, television has been crammed full of weepy Christmas episodes and heart-wrenching tales of all kinds. As a result, there have been a lot of women crying on TV lately. I guess all the men who make the big TV machine run think that bursting into tears is the first, and probably best, option that a woman has when confronted with conflict. Maybe they've driven the women in their lives to the brink one too many times. As they say, write what you know.
In a new promo for her May 7th concert movie on HBO, Lady Gaga is seen talking backstage before her gig at Madison Square Garden. She's crying and talking about how she still feels like a loser thanks to the high school bullies who tormented her. Aww.
