The Business Insider posted an unconfirmed report that the New York Times' David Paterson story is so big that the New York governor will resign tomorrow. But Paterson's office is pushing back, telling Gawker "the governor is not resigning."

Previously: Trouble Looming for Gov. Paterson?

The Observer's John Koblin heard the New York Times is supposedly working on a major story on our wacky governor. The guy's admitted to drugs and adultery, what else could there be? (We're all ears!) Update: More sex, looks like.

Is the New York Times working on a "bombshell story" about Gov. David Paterson's personal life "that will be far worse than his acknowledged extramarital affair with a former state employee"? That's the rumor, and it could involve the claim the governor and his wife, Michelle, are swingers. God help us all if Oprah connected to this in any way. [NYDN, Daily Intel, Gawker]

Page Six spotted would-be Senator Harold Ford dining with Governor David Paterson at Butter last Tuesday. Which means it's time up update the ol' campaign trail map! Study it, Harold, because your New York geography needs work.

• As if Lindsay Lohan didn't have enough problems in her life, it seems she's a "secret hoarder," too. In an interview with the Style Network's Niecy Nash, LiLo's shows all her "stuff," which includes a bedroom filled with shoe boxes and a living room that's been turned into a giant closet. On the plus side, if Sam Ronson ever goes missing, at least the police will know where to start looking. [Us, DM]
• Tiger Woods is supposedly leaving sex rehab in Mississippi by the end of this week, which means he's changed his ways or he's planning on playing in a golf tournament in Arizona in two weeks and he's not going to let his compulsive sexual habits get in the way of that. Elin Nordegren has already flown down to pick him up. Just so there isn't an incident involving a flight attendant in the first-class lounge on the way home. [Radar, NYP]
• Season three of the Real Housewives of New York debuts next month and now word comes that creepy couple Alex McCord and Simon van Kempen may be booted before season four. It's supposedly because "viewers don't have a positive reaction to them" and Simon threw a fit when he found out he wasn't going to be paid as much as the housewives because, well, he's not a housewife, although you're excused if you thought otherwise. [NYDN]
• Precious star—and Academy Award nominee—Gabourey Sidibe would really, really like for Justin Timberlake to be her Oscar date. So, Jessica Biel, if you could step aside and make it happen, that would be great. [People]
• Jon Stewart sat down with Bill O'Reilly last night. Highlights here. [Gawker]

While the Post led with "fat man flips bird," the New York Daily News tried news (and Beyonce) on the front page: David Paterson has $620k to spend on a primary campaign. That is not as much as Andrew Cuomo.

Things aren't exactly looking up for Gov. David Paterson. Over the weekend, the Post reported that a state trooper discovered Paterson "snuggling" with a woman in a utility closet at the governor's mansion a couple of months ago. ("The trooper opened the door and the first thing he saw was the governor and a woman inside and the two of them snuggling together, embracing. There was nothing more than that, snuggling, and they had their clothes on.") Today comes word that Paterson only has $620,000 remaining in his campaign coffers, which is about 20 times less than what his presumed opponent, Andrew Cuomo, has amassed in contributions thus far. Don't count Paterson out just yet, though. He huddled with some of his supporters yesterday to hash out his "winning strategy" against Cuomo, so expect Paterson to turn everything around over the next few weeks. [NYP, NYDN]

Gov. David Paterson could probably save $2.1 million a year by not having 200 state troopers assigned to protect him. Instead, he recently proposed that New York legalize "mixed martial arts" (or ultimate fighting, the "sport" that features two people beating each other to a pulp inside a cage)—a move Paterson says would generate $2.1 million a year in additional tax revenue. It turns out that most New Yorkers aren't ultimate fighting fans: According to a new poll, 68% of state voters say they're opposed to the idea. Too bad the pollsters didn't ask if people would be more inclined to support the proposal if the matches involved politicians in Albany. That could be a real moneymaker! [NYDN]

Because he doesn't have enough to worry about right now what with the massive budget deficit in Albany and the prospect that thousands of state employees may be soon laid off, David Paterson is taking up a new cause: horse-drawn carriage rides in Central Park:

Very little has gone right for Gov. David Paterson in recent weeks. Embarrassingly, his son was detained by the NYPD after he was spotted playing dice and found to be in possession of someone else's credit card; a week later, the Post reported he had an "intimate" lunch at a New Jersey steakhouse with a "sexy mom" woman who wasn't his wife, a charge he denied; and he's fallen far behind of Andrew Cuomo on the fundraising front—Cuomo has nearly five times as much cash in his coffers—which certainly doesn't bode well. Maybe it's time for the governor to pursue a new campaign strategy? It looks like he's going to get the chance to do so, whether he likes it or not: Tracy Sefl, Paterson's "most visible" campaign strategist and his chief spokesperson quit her job today. [NYP, NYT]

Andrea Peyser chuckles at NY guv David Paterson being spotted on a dinner date while "wearing a shiny, purple shirt," musing "Could be Paterson's Garden State wardrobe malfunction was a cry for help." Or a consequence of blindness! Ha. [NYP]

Hot and meaty: The New York Post is claiming an exclusive on Governor David Paterson having a wildly flirty, inappropriate dinner with a young, pretty Latin woman in a Jersey steakhouse that's suggestive of an affair. But is it?

Today in dubious "quotes": the New York Daily News quotes a "friend" of Alex Paterson, the New York governor's son who was recently detained by the police for playing a dice game and possessing a missing debit card:

"Eat my panties off me," Mrs. Pratt rhythmically coos. Vogue threatens Anna Wintour's town car, Elin Nordegren invests in another house, Ryan Seacrest cries over Simon. Come, plumb the depths of Wednesday's gossip.

The hapless governor of New York, David Paterson, now must overcome the arrest of his 15-year-old son for possession of a stolen credit card and shooting dice. This in addition to the president himself opposing his re-election bid, and the whole cocaine-use-and-infidelity-and-pot-smoking thing. "Comically unprepared to take office" indeed. (via)

"Gov. Paterson's teenage son was picked up today after cops caught him shooting dice on an Upper West Side street corner and possessing somebody else's debit card, sources said." [NYP, NYDN]

David Paterson isn't taking any chances, apparently. According to the Post, New York's exceedingly unpopular governor now has 200 state troopers assigned to protect him, a force larger than the one currently patrolling all of Long Island. [NYP]

Things are looking up for Gov. David Paterson. According to a new Quinnipiac poll, "only" 49 percent of registered voters disapprove of his job performance. That's a nice bump from a couple of months ago when the figure stood at 57 percent (and a huge jump from his 19 percent approval rating back in May), not that anyone should take this as an indication Paterson actually has any chance of beating Andrew Cuomo if they go head to head in the Democratic primary next year. [NYT, NYP]

Lil' Wayne's Real Estate Agent deserves sainthood. TV parents are popping out "A Milli" kids a minute. Kourtney Kardashain is America's Best Mom-To-Be. Katy Parry brings one home to Dad. Let the beat build! Here's your Saturday Morning Gossip Roundup: