In 1994, an Ohio court declared Donald E. Miller Jr. dead. He had been missing for several years and his wife needed to formalize his death to qualify her daughters for social security benefits. On Monday, Donald E. Miller appeared in court to testify on behalf of his own existence. He lost.

When Rep. Jesse Jackson, Jr. emerged from last summer's disappearance—he had, his family said, been seeking treatment for bipolar disorder at the Mayo Clinic—his chief of staff told reporters that he was "convalescing with his wife and children at home in Washington." But last week, he was seen convalescing in a D.C. bar with two different women on two consecutive nights.

Congressional Republicans have become quite talented at taking legislative "hostages" at crucial junctures, making extreme demands, unifying behind them, and ultimately rolling Democrats into embracing horrible pieces of legislation. Maybe it's time for Democrats to come up with a plan for this sort of thing. So are they? Sorta.

Rep. Gabrielle Giffords returned to the House of Representatives on Monday, receiving a standing ovation and enthusiastically greeting her colleagues after casting her vote (her first since being shot in January) for the debt ceiling bill, which passed 269-161.

Joe Biden supposedly told House Democrats today that Republicans acted like "terrorists" during the debt ceiling debate. To be fair, he was only agreeing with another congressman. But if he did say it, he deserves a standing ovation.

Some TV camera people caught Speaker John Boehner fleeing to his escape elevator in Capitol Hill last night, after everyone finally reached a debt ceiling deal that no one understands but should pass Congress today anyway. Think he wasn't tired? This guy, Boehner, not tired? Get out of here. Just listen to this noise he makes. A pure sigh of relief, or the desperate wail of an aging farter? You decide, America. For now it is merely John Boehner's "sound."

Who and what should liberal Democrats be happy about with this debt ceiling deal that may or may not pass, say, today?

The House has just passed Speaker John Boehner's debt ceiling bill — the third version, of course, after Boehner had to throw in a modest constitutional amendment today to get a few more Tea Party members on board. It doesn't really matter, because the Senate will still instantly kill it, and then... well, something will get through by the Tuesday deadline. Right? Ha ha, probably not.

Looking across the vast debt ceiling hellscape today, it appears that Speaker John Boehner will finally, finally get House Republicans to pass his two-tiered debt limit hike by tossing in modest balanced budget amendment to the United States Constitution. Let's just say that that doesn't improve the chances of getting out of this pickle with a bipartisan solution, with only four days remaining. What is to be done, instead? Just have Timmy Geithner mint a trillion dollar coin, obviously.

When Rep. John Boehner assumed the speakership, he said he didn't want to be an arm-twister for votes, and that he wanted the people's voice to be heard clearly. A nice sentiment! But now he that needs votes for his debt ceiling plan today, that's all over. How will he screw over dissidents? Let's look at the case of fellow Ohio Rep. Jim Jordan.

Speaker John Boehner (R-OH) is cautiously optimistic that enough GOP members had fallen in line over the last 48 hours to pass his debt bill. The plan would cut nearly $917 billion in spending over the next ten years, raise the debt-ceiling by $900 billion and avoid sending the nation into default.

Crabby old rust sandwich John McCain took to the Senate floor today to lambast the dead-ender Tea Partiers in his own political party's House wing, who have been meeting Speaker Boehner's final debt ceiling offer with some resistance. What a saint! Let's just forget the last couple of years of McCain, now that he has criticized the extremely criticizable House Republicans.

Counselors at the youth summer camp that we know more commonly as the "House Republican Caucus of the 112th Congress" penciled in time for a movie yesterday! All of the campers were so excited to relax a little bit after pretending to be members of Congress for so long. And better yet, they got to watch an R-rated movie — without their parents' permission! Is that even legal?

Why had no one thought to ask death-soaked bubonic replicant Donald Trump, America's foremost lover of declaring bankruptcy, about the debt ceiling until now? In retrospect, it was irresponsible to form a single opinion about the issue of raising America's borrowing limit before soliciting the advice of this prominent capitalist cartoon character, from television. What is to be done, Mr. Trump?

It's a brand new week in debt ceiling negotiations, as America teeters towards the brink of insane, self-inflicted collapse. Hooray!

Word has been trickling in from a variety of sources all day about the basic outline of a deficit-reduction deal that President Obama and Speaker John Boehner are nearing. While both sides are denying it in their preferred arenas — the White House through its spokesperson at a press conference, John Boehner with a telephone call to Rush Limbaugh — it still seems like we've got our hands on the latest trial balloon! Summary: It sucks for Democrats.

Grover Norquist, head of Americans for Tax Reform, is the guy who makes most Republican members of Congress sign a pledge never to raise taxes, making him one of the more powerful people in Washington. But today he's confirmed that there's a loophole in his pledge — one that's potentially worth $4 trillion in new tax revenue! Washington is too weird.

A couple of months ago, the Senate's bipartisan "Gang of Six" that was formed to broker a passable deficit-reduction deal broke apart, after some members realized that six senators cannot simply craft their own deal in private and expect everyone in Congress to pass it. But as of today, the Gang has reformed, with President Obama's blessing! And they have a plan, which still may or may not pass the House of Representatives.

What will be the final budget-cuttin' number Congress agrees on before raising the debt ceiling, assuming they don't go with "the apocalypse option" instead? Two trillion? Four trillion? Nine trillion bajillion dollars? Let's go with "zero trillion but something that lets Republicans pretend to look tough anyway" as the probable end to this farce of a government negotiating process.

The world is tuning in with disbelief at House Republicans, who are still preparing to blow up everyone's precious global economy. House Republicans, meanwhile, are passing around a dumb blog post from RedState's Erick Erickson outlining supposedly good reasons for causing a Depression! Good heavens.