A Texas man was killed Tuesday after he launched a firework off his chest, Houston’s KPRC reported.

Well, oh, shit: a live animal was just put through an x-ray scanner at LAX.

On Monday, 66-year-old Brookyln rabbi Yekutiel Rapp was killed after a livery cab driver allegedly struck him while he was crossing the street near his Crown Heights home, then ran over him two more times. The driver was not arrested on the scene of the crash and has not been charged with a crime.

A heat wave with temperatures rising well over 100 degrees in Karachi, Pakistan, has left nearly 900 people dead as of Thursday, the Associated Press reports.

According to the New Mexico Department of Public Safety, an autopsy has determined that Walter Scheib, the former White House chef whose body was discovered outside Taos this weekend, accidentally drowned.

Lo! What fresh horrors shall the demon gods of global warming be visiting upon humanity in the near future, according to relentlessly negative scientists? Well, killing grandma, for one.

Former White House executive chef Walter Scheib was found dead in New Mexico on Sunday, the Taos News reports. According to authorities, Scheib had gone hiking in an unfamiliar area in the Taos Ski Valley last Saturday when he apparently vanished.

An Ontario teen was shot to death early Sunday morning after he tracked down the smartphone he left in a cab and tried to take it back from three unnamed men, the CBC reports.

Imagine it’s Saturday morning, and you’re about to enjoy a book and a cup of coffee on your back porch, and you’re greeted by four two-foot tall winged eaters of dead meat. They’re staring you down through the glass sliding door, as if to say Do you feel lucky, punk? Oh god, not the vultures again. Welcome to Rick Mize’s world.

The mechanics of dressing a dead newborn are basic. The little girl’s face is white, lacking the flushed cheeks normally present in a newborn. She has a full head of hair and a button-type nose that makes you want to give her Eskimo kisses. Someone, probably a nurse, has put her in a onesie with yellow tulips embroidered along its Peter Pan collar. Livor mortis, but not rigor mortis had set in; the baby’s fingers are pliant and cold when I hook my finger into hers.

Black market butt injections claimed another victim Saturday in a rented basement in Far Rockaway, Queens.

On October 30, 2002, David Letterman gave his whole show over to one guest: Warren Zevon, who had just been diagnosed with a fatal and untreatable form of lung cancer.

Late yesterday, the New York Times reported that David Goldberg, SurveyMonkey CEO and late husband of Facebook’s Sheryl Sandberg, had been killed after he slipped on a Four Seasons treadmill in Mexico. That’s a strange way to go—but even stranger is that the resort is now denying it.

A New York commuter is alive today after climbing off of the subway tracks just before an incoming 6 train would have struck and smashed him. No thanks to anyone but himself.

A lonely Argentine shepherd was found dead in his bed Tuesday, lying next to what initially appeared to investigators to be another person, but was quickly determined to be a scarecrow outfitted with "special features," including jeans, lipstick, a wig, and a 6-inch plastic sex tube.

Prisons in Texas are hot. Too hot for human beings.

A tipster forwarded us this video, purportedly of a group of Tulane University students beheading a goat.

A fifteen-year-old boy died on Thursday while attempting to jump from one roof to another in the Crown Heights neighborhood of Brooklyn, the New York Times reports. The teen was with a group of friends on an adjacent roof when he fell to his death.

Sir Terry Pratchett, author of more than 70 novels, including 40 in his satirical fantasy series Discworld, died at his home Thursday. Pratchett was 66. He was diagnosed with Alzheimer's in 2007, and continued to write as he struggled with the onset of dementia.

On Monday morning, a popular photography teacher at El Dorado High School in Valencia, California was found hanging in her classroom by students, the Orange County Register reports.