The ongoing War on Smoking, having already eroded your inalienable right to smoke in various public locations of your choice, is taking things to a whole nother level: they are going to quite literally blacklist smokers, refusing to hire them and even mandating piss tests for tobacco, to ensure that smokers remain unemployed, depressed, and smoky.

A US Airways flight from DC to Hartford was all set to take off Monday when—hey, do you hear a sort of muffled, thumping, screaming sound? Yes. Yes, definitely. The passengers did in fact hear that sound. It was a baggage handler who'd been locked in the cargo hold under the plane, by one of his colleagues, by accident. Whoops! Could be a very tense situation at the workplace, after that. The baggage handler got out though, and was fine (physically). The plane got off on time! It could have been worse.

John Taylor Skilling, the 20 year-old son of incarcerated former Enron president Jeffrey Skilling, was found dead in his apartment yesterday, surrounded by prescription drug bottles. He was reportedly "despondent over a recent break-up with a girlfriend." [Photo: FB]

According to a new report, killer Tracy Province planned to commit 'suicide by bear' in Yellowstone park this summer while on the lam. Instead, he gave himself up. But how does one commit suicide by bear? Here's how!

David Kato, a Ugandan gay rights activist and one of the people outed by local newspaper last October, was found dead in his home. One suspect is in custody and another, who supposedly lived with Kato, is still at large.

Metro-North officials say the footage on this Youtube video—showing a train door that remains open for two and a half minutes as the train flies full speed through New York City—is "very disturbing." Um yeah.

The Way We Live Now: just messing with you, but seriously. Sometimes you hear something so crazy you're like, "You're just messing with me." And they're like "Yea—but also, it's true." We can't even afford to die any more.

Pedestrian deaths increased in 2010, and it was Michelle Obama's fault. This is what we're learning today! Specifically: Maybe if Michelle Obama's anti-obesity campaign wasn't urging people to exercise regularly, cars would hit them less often?

A lengthy new report on the 2002 kidnapping and murder of Wall Street Journal reporter Daniel Pearl says that a photo of a hand definitively proves that 9/11 plotter Khalid Sheik Mohammed killed and decapitated Pearl, on video.

McDonald's (formerly "The United States Department of Health") has plans for Japan. Big plans. Idaho big. With a hash brown on top.

Fever benefits! Zicam problems! Chemo hair preservation! Oxytocin limits! Flu vaccines! Obesity costs! Mental illness wackjobs! Fluid colds! And screen hypnosis death! It's your Tuesday Health Watch, where we watch your health—as if you have any left!

On Christmas, 42-year-old British charity worker Simone Back posted a Facebook message reading, "‘Took all my pills be dead soon so bye bye every one." 148 comments—many of them mocking her—followed. The next day she was found dead.

Dr. Charles Bizilj took his eight-year-old son to a gun show two years ago. There, he videotaped his son's death, as the boy lost control while trying to test-fire an Uzi. Today, Bizilj is testifying in court. It is awful.

It's a massacre's-worth of celebrity death hoaxes! Owen Wilson, Adam Sandler, Aretha Franklin and others have been felled by bogus death rumors in the past few days. Let us mourn.

Mass transit will never be safe from terrorism, so it's not worth worrying about. You can't keep bombs off trains, buses, and subways and still expect them to function properly. It's best not to even contemplate the following statistics.

An 88-year-old Brazilian woman, Maria das Dores, was declared dead on December 22 at a hospital in her town. Luckily an undertaker decided to check inside the coffin, because she was still breathing and moving. An investigation is underway. [Telegraph]

On Saturday morning, 27 year-old Citigroup associate Jessica Fashano—by all accounts a bright, caring, and popular woman—walked into the Trump Place tower on Manhattan's Riverside Boulevard, rode to the roof, and jumped off. Why?

Three young men aged 15, 17, and 27 were hanging out at their usual spot, a railroad overpass in Commerce, California. They heard a train coming, so they moved to the opposite tracks. They didn't hear the other train coming.

Blake Edwards, the director of Breakfast at Tiffany's, the Pink Panther movies, Victor/Victoria, and many other famous comedies, died today from complications due to pneumonia. He was 88 and is survived by his wife, actress Julie Andrews.

A man with a camera was brave enough to get this close to capture a stand-off between an alligator and electric eel. Ever wanted to see an alligator get full on electrocuted (like shaking and all)? Now's your chance!