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If you woke up this morning and noticed that something in the air seemed, well, different, your senses were not deceiving you. As the final days of May trickle to a close, that can only mean one thing — it's time to hit the beach! For those of you who haven't been swimming in the Pacific yet this year, might we suggest bringing an inflatable alligator to the beach with you this weekend? After all, nothing puts a damper on a lovely day at the beach like getting caught in a riptide and ending up marooned on Santa Catalina Island (especially if a burst of negatively charged exotic manner ends up making said island up and disappear!). Whether you end up at the beach or not, Molls McAleer is here to guide you on your journey of all the fun that can be had in Los Angeles this weekend. Enjoy!

If you were wondering just how ugly things had gotten between shawty-fêting hip-hop superstar 50 Cent and his ex-babymomma Shaniqua Tompkins, we refer you to this eyewitness video of the pair verbally sparring on the streets of New York yesterday, surrounded by a small crowd of celebrity-domestic-squabble afficionados. At the center of the dispute: the couple's once-shared Long Island home, where Tompkins lives with 50's 10-year-old son. (He wants her to pay rent and sued to evict her. She fired back with a countersuit claiming the house was a gift.) At 5 a.m., the house was ablaze—a conveniently timed turn of events that instantly aroused suspicion from local fire-safety authorities:

As if Harvey Korman's passing wasn't enough cosmic, clipworthy grief for Mel Brooks devotees, today comes word that the filmmaker's 30-year-old production shingle Brooksfilms is closing its doors. It's not quite the loss it sounds like at first blush — the company hadn't released a film since 1995 — but as symbolic deaths in the family go, this one smarts. Brooks founded the shingle in 1978 to avoid potential genre confusion over The Elephant Man and other dramas he would produce throughout the '80s; Brooksfilms also yielded his last great comedy, History of the World, Part I, before tapering off with the likes of Robin Hood: Men in Tights and Dracula: Dead and Loving It. Then came Broadway, and Brooks never looked back. That doesn't mean we won't, though; join our reminiscing with the accompanying greatest hits (sorry, no Solarbabies here!), and Netflix accordingly. [NYP, video by Molly McAleer]

[Photo Credit: Bauer-Griffin]

No sooner had we endured the traffic overload at the Petit Trésor website long enough to order a pair of custom-bedazzled Isla and Amelie onesies for the proud parents, came shocking news over the Biological MaternityWatch transom suggesting the Chosen Twins were in fact still resting comfortably inside their mother. People.com debunks:

If you've ever wondered how far below the poverty line Tara Reid is living these days or what kind of child support Alec Baldwin doles out to Kim Basinger, there is a guy in Cincinnati named John Snyder who is living your dream right now. Illegally, of course, and maybe under threat of prison time, but still: Snyder, an IRS tax examiner, is accused of viewing the confidential records of 197 celebrities over the last five years, including Kevin Bacon, Sally Field, Vanna White, John Cleese, Portia De Rossi, Randy Quaid and even "the late Eddie Albert of the classic sitcom Green Acres." Eddie Albert! Has this man no shame? Maybe not, but you can bet he has a lawyer:

Last night's Lost season finale—spoilers ahead—was as gripping as TV comes. (Even if you're like us and stopped watching regularly somewhere around Season Two, thus forcing you to concoct your own cockamamie plotlines. We've now settled on the island being a secret Revlon animal-testing facility from which no one escapes alive.) No sooner had we recovered from the hapless bunny accidentally sent back to King Arthur's Court, when googly-eyed island bully Ben dislodged the Land-Mass-Disappearing Frozen Donkey Wheel of Doom.

[Photo Credit: Flynet]

Welcome back to another round of Defamer Attractions, our weekly guide to picks, prognostications and perversions landing at a cinema near you. Much like last week, one new release has hijacked America's consciousness with hormonal aplomb, while Liv Tyler and her coterie of bagheaded stalkers look on from outside. We have only positive things to say about Julianne Moore's lurid dabblings in incest, and a glance at new DVD's reveals at least a few reassuring titles for the shut-ins among us. As always, our opinions are our own, but they're also just about bulletproof — finally, something we all can agree on!

Big news! The first Morse code beeps heralding the arrival of two more biologically achieved additions to the Jolie-Pitt clan have landed in our Google Telegraph inbox. The joyous development comes almost two years to the day that the couple's first amorphous Chosen Blob was ushered into this world by a coterie of Namibian midwives. By contrast, genetically flawless Jolie-Pitt White Children Numbers 2 through 3 (names pending) were delivered in France, with all the First-World-medical-facility pampering that implies. More details as they come, including the all-important How Jennifer is Handling the News report, and whether or not it involves any huffily dispatched text messages demanding to know, "So r u in or out?? My body is a ticking biologicl wonderlnd!!"

· Leave it to the unlikely arena of a TRL interview with Jason Lewis for a probing analysis of the lopsided gender-divide among SATC fans. (To Lewis's credit, he never once utters the phrase, "Cause they're, like, old and not hot.") [MTV]
· It's the Burn After Reading red band trailer! We think we just witnessed the Coens' greatest work since really-gay-sounding Anton Chigurh chilled us to the very core. [/Film]
· Celebrity Bogus-Rehab-Excuse Theater now continues with Steve Tyler's shocking admission that his recent stint was only to give his aching tootsies a chance to heal. Yeah, right. Maybe from the needle marks between their toes! [Reuters]
· All-purpose furry-footed fantasy creature James McAvoy is rumored to be favored for the lead in The Hobbit. [theonering.net]
· At celebtags.com, you look at a photo of a celebrity, then submit the first word or phrase that comes to your mind, then can glance at a tag cloud mapping what everyone else submitted. It sounds pointless, but it's kind of addictive. Look out for the billboard-sized word used to describe Sarah Jessica Parker. Meanies! [celeb tags]

We have watched this clip three times and, frankly, we are still unsure as to how to properly contextualize what you are about to see. Let's just say that it involves Molly McAleer, a box of Hostess cupcakes and the dulcet tones of Adam Duritz (and, most likely, the spirit of Takeru Kobayashi). To say any more would be to spoil what has to be one of the strangest episodes of Defamer To Do's since its inception earlier this month. Enjoy!

• Pledge to Hedley Lamarr [YouTube]

Hollywood Forever Cemetery—that beloved local necropolis where in one visit you can pay your respects to Don Adams and Mel Blanc, have a picnic, then catch an outdoor screening of Shampoo with a couple thousand of your closest friends—is in jeopardy, friends. Noting that the atmosphere has become significantly less relaxed for visitors in recent months, LAist did a little further digging, and learned that Brent and Tyler Cassity, the charismatic brothers from Missouri who rescued the celebrity graveyard from years of neglect, are now under investigation for suspicious business transactions involving prepaid burials at their Midwest locations. From the St. Louis Dispatch:

Everyone’s favorite tipsy greaser Kirsten Dunst is reportedly claiming her month-long stay at rehab center-to-the-stars Cirque Lodge was just a quick fix for feeling down in the dumps. As the actress recently told E! Online, she was not in a state of Natasha Lyonne meth-face madness, nor was she popping pills or playing the Brits’ favorite party game of Booze Snorting — she was just depressed! But when we gave the Cirque Lodge's admission guidelines a quick once over, we found no mention of specific plans aimed at those suffering simply from depression. So we decided to place a call to the Cirque Lodge today to see if our dear Kirsten just might be telling the truth. Sadly, as the Magic 8-Ball might say, "Outlook Not So Good." Here's what the spokesperson we spoke to today told us:

Asked to assess their Daytime Emmy chances, straight-talking Gay and the City Mario Cantone pointed out for the ladies of The View that voting traditionally favors the lesbian nominee, effectively shutting them out of the race. Still, it wasn't too late to mount an 11th hour, for-your-team-swapping-consideration campaign; before long, the proceedings had devolved into a shocking, four-way sapphic hug-in orgy, the likes of which daytime TV hasn't seen since New Jersey Disney Channel-watchers accidentally glimpsed a portion of Anal Gang Bang Co-Ed Sluts #19. [The View]

Presidential politics is but a blip on our radar most days at Defamer HQ, but every now and then a ping so rattles us from our afternoon stupor that we can't help but take notice. Today's wake-up call comes from angry activist and sometime actor Donald Sutherland, who just joined the stirring realms of downmarket punditry at The Huffington Post:

A little-known Hollywood antitrust ruling from the early 1900s—passed to prevent Fatty Arbuckle from an abuse of monopoly power—proclaims that every 15 months, a Next Big Funny Thing must be announced. That coronation is immediately followed by the casting of the new cat's whiskers in every humorous screenplay in existence, where he'll be called upon to play a variety of subtly tweaked takes on the same buffoonish character. Previous beneficiaries of the Doughy-White-Comedian Competition Law include Adam Sandler, Mike Myers, and Will Ferrell, and now, the star of Sundance breakout hit The Foot Fist Way, of whom an LAT headline demands to know, "Is Danny McBride the next comedy superstar?"

PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are submitted by the loyal readers of Defamer. As a few emailers have noted, it took us a few weeks to collect this installment — if you want to see this feature run more frequently, be sure to send in your tips early and often! Submit yours to tips[AT]defamer.com (please put "sighting" or "PrivacyWatch" in the subject line so we don't lose them) and tell everyone about the time you saw "Hey Now" Hank Kingsley (aka Jeffrey Tambor) buying travel-sized saline solution and a "single fleet enema" at Gelson's.