At this point, seeing photos of 15-year old Miley Cyrus posing topless or seductively baring her taut tummy for rumored paramour Nick Jonas is the very definition of old news. But when it comes to the tween millionaire appearing in photos actually kissing a boy (or, gasp, a girl!) in public, these photos would likely tighten a few paparazzo's trousers. As the LA Times reports today, pictures of Miley's "first kiss" could potentially earn one lucky photographer anywhere between $30k to $150k. And we are officially confused. Why? Well, we happen to have more than a few pictures of Miley making out with all kinds of suitors, starting back when she was 14. So where's our cash? After the jump, see how the magic of Google can instantly debunk all the heated speculation on when Miley will have her first kiss, and when, oh when, will we get to see them. The time is now, Defamer readers:

While TMZ isn't exactly known for being on the cutting edge of originality, a segment that aired on last night's program came uncomfortably close to pushing the boundaries of brand (if not copyright) infringement. As we show in the attached video, TMZ aired a segment featuring American Idol finalists David Cook and David Archuleta being mobbed by a posse of paps while making their way through New York's JFK Airport. And, as you might expect, Idol winner David Cook drew the lion's share of the attention, while David Archuleta was left fending off the advances of one particularly enthused paparazzo. TMZ called this moment of potential embarrassment for Cook their "D-Listed Moment Of The Day." This immediately caught our eye because, naturally, we have been longtime fans of the catty gossip blog D-Listed. We reached out to that site's proprietor, Michael K, to find out whether or not he had any knowledge of this usage and he had this to say: "No. I have no idea what that shit is. I'm not involved in it." This news is a tad ironic, considering that D-Listed began its life as The D-List before "Kathy Griffin threatened to kill [their] asses", but it's interesting nonetheless. Making matters even more compelling, it's not exactly like TMZ can claim that they have never heard of the blog, considering it currently occupies a space on their blogroll. As they say, developing...

[Photo Credit: Getty Images]

Confession time. Over here at Defamer HQ, one of our guiltiest pleasures is the Miley and Mandy Show. There's just something about their millenial exuberance that warms our creaking Gen X bones. While we wait with breathless anticipation for M&M's next video (coming to a YouTube near you on June 10th!), we have the next best thing ... Molly and Edward! While Milers and Manders may have a better production budget for their videos, we've got hula hoops, CeCe Peniston and Wagandstuff. Enjoy yourselves this evening!

And here we thought Che had it rough with critics at Cannes. Enter Wim Wenders, the New German Cinema pioneer whose Paris, Texas and Wings of Desire were among the fest's most beloved films of the '80s, but yet who's fallen on hard times of late with a string of dodgy bombs including Don't Come Knocking and Land of Plenty. His return to the Croisette with Palermo Shooting, about a fashion photographer who comes face-to-face with death, isn't likely to help matters much — particularly not with the Absolute Worst Review of the 2008 Cannes Film Festival now making the rounds.

Our item yesterday about the rumored C-word contretemps between CAA agent Dan Aloni and Fox Atomic exec Debbie Liebling — which we heard led to a unilateral CAA ban from the Fox lot — drew quite a bit of interest from all involved. Make that "everyone but CAA," rather, which had Nikki Finke do its dirty work for them. Variety even accused us of "an exceptional Internet smear campaign" — before pulling its story down minutes later. But we'll get to that in a moment. First things first: After the jump, a studio "denial"!

Our apologies if things seem slower than normal around here today. The hamsters that power our servers apparently decided to take the day off. Our fingers are crossed that things get back to normal soon. In a show of support, we are humbly requesting that you cross your fingers, too. Thanks for your patience...

Meet Andy Fiscella. Andy owns the Lohan- and Dunst-infested Crown Bar, as well as the Dime and Winston’s. Andy’s likes include: brown corduroys, Brett Ratner, and knocking on wood for good luck. Andy’s dislikes include: Britney Spears, grade-school bullies, and anyone who would dare compare him to Troy Duffy. Which, of course, means he also dislikes us. You see, like Duffy, the rags-to-riches-to-rags former bartender who penned Boondock Saints only to wind up screwed over by Darth Weinstein, has an eerily similar trajectory as Andy — though Fiscella’s inevitable downfall still lies on the horizon. In a Metromix profile on the poor man’s Brent Bolthouse, we’re given the chance to dive inside of a “hot spot” club owner's mind grapes. And predictably, they’re rotten, sour, and likely to cause you to vomit.

At some point in all our lives, we must ask ourselves: to tattoo or not to tattoo? We have yet to take the plunge, but when and if we do, we most certainly will not be inking our bodies with Pee Wee Herman, Bald Britney or (gasp!) Patrick Swayze as a centaur. But as a photo gallery over at EW proves, there are more than enough insane fans out there who are so in love with their favorite stars that they've etched a permanent image of their visage on their bodies. One might think a popular celebrity tat would be, say, Pamela Anderson or Scarlett Johansson, or maybe even Brangelina. But, sadly, it seems the sort of fan who goes through the pain of imprinting rainbow-colored images of their idols are mainly of the Jack Jordan stalker variety. The bad, the ugly, and the downright nightmarish tattoos in question, after the jump.

[Photo Credit: Bauer-Griffin]

Television networks, still reeling from strike-related ratings slips, have gone and broken the glass on their last-resort failsafe. They're cutting costs on reality shows. Executives are looking to further streamline the already seductively cheap 'n easy (that's why there are so many of 'em!) younger siblings of scripted programming by cutting down on non-studio filming and long editing times. Expect more shows, like the odious hit game show Moment of Truth (where contestants reveal terrible secrets while drooling for cash), that really only amount to "two people sitting in chairs onstage." More expensive reality shows like Hell's Kitchen need to be overseas hits before American networks will consider producing their own versions, which doesn't happen every day. What could this mean for reality favorites like Top Chef, Project Runway, and America's Next Top Model? We have some grim forecasts after the jump.

What would a Sex And The City movie premiere be without bouts of drama worthy of the show itself? While last night's premiere in New York looked glamorous on camera, on the scene it was another story entirely. From a controversial remark made by the franchise’s token villainness to fashion mishaps to thousands of ticketless die-hard fans ending up in tears, the scene outside Radio City Music Hall last night was chaotic and Cosmo-drenched. And that was just the crowd! As for the stars of the film, there were signs that sex-despising Sarah Jessica Parker's co-stars weren't entirely pleased to pose in front of the movie's poster (you know, the one that they don't even appear on). All the scandals and controversy, plus the highs and lows of the cast's fashion choices, after the jump.

[Photo Credit: Bauer-Griffin]

Amid all of Tuesday's post-holiday hustle and bustle, we regrettably overlooked perhaps the most profound news item of the day: Harvey Weinstein indirectly hopped in the Valkyrie fray at Cannes by picking up US theatrical/DVD rights to Operation Valkyrie, a 2004 German retelling of the failed plot to assassinate Adolf Hitler. It's the same film Tom Cruise and Bryan Singer made (or are making, with worse accents) only to see it bumped twice to a Feb. 2009 release-date Siberia by Cruise/UA's partners at MGM — oddly the same folks with whom The Weinstein Company shares its own distribution deal. Small world, eh? It gets even weirder — kind of.

It’s a rare day at Defamer HQ when we receive a denial from an A-lister’s publicist that actually makes us fall in love with them a little. Referring to our post last week suggesting Nicole Kidman may be posing nude and pregnant for a major glossy magazine cover (à la Demi Moore), we received the following note in our inbox from her rep, Catherine Olim of PMK: “Nicole is amused at this story, but it is ABSOLUTELY NOT TRUE. She is not posing nude for any magazines, has not done so, will not be doing so, pregnant or otherwise. Heaven only knows where this came from! Seriously. Do quote me.” And quote you, we will. Our apologies, we should've never assumed that Nicole Kidman would drop trou for anyone other than Stanley Kubrick. Or Steven Shainberg. Or Jonathan Glazer. Or Anthony Minghella. We could keep going, but that's what Mr. Skin is for. [Defamer]

A hearty morning "Congrats" goes to the gang at New Line Cinema, which, in lame-duck fashion even more stylish than Carrie Bradshaw, sent its final film as a stand-alone studio into Publicity Hell when thousands of ticket-holding fans were turned away from last night's Midtown Handjob Market Sex and the City premiere in New York. Complaints have been aired everywhere — from the "near riot of Louboutin clicking girls" noted by our colleagues at Gawker to the bereft throat-cancer survivor in the Daily News — and we expect heads to roll within the hour at New Line HQ. Except, wait! They already have!

Happy news emerged this morning from the deep, dank reaches of the Alliance of Motion Picture & Television Producers headquarters, where it was announced the major studios have come to last-minute terms with AFTRA on a new three-year contract. Conveniently or not, the report comes a few hours before AFTRA's former negotiating partners in the Screen Actors Guild were set to resume their own talks with the majors. And with AFTRA reportedly agreeing to conditions on new-media residuals similar to those accepted by the DGA and WGA during the latter union's strike, SAG has until June 30 to determine if the terms are good enough for itself — or detonate! The! Industry! with another labor stoppage.

· As anyone who has ever done it will attest, there are few feelings more liberating than quitting one's job. The following video is of an assistant on the Ellen show who found himself teetering on the brink of sanity until he up and quit his job on May 20. He describes the decision on his blog as being "an exciting stupid move to prove to myself that I need to keep moving toward my dreams… Every time I’ve made a major move to pursue my dreams I have lost something (2 girlfriends both 3year relationships) but I’ve gotten a step closer. This time around I don’t know what I have to lose… as I look at it right now I have nothing to lose, and those seem to be pretty good odds. If I never do anything, don’t ever say that I didn’t try." Good luck making your Hollywood dreams come true, Delbert. [Delbert Shoopman]
· Finally, a device for those of you who prefer your exercises in misogyny to sound crisp and lifelike! [Videogum]
· A few months ago, we told about the disastrous first screening for Will Ferrell's Step Brothers. Our operative described it as being "less entertaining than Two And A Half Men." From the looks of this preposterous red-band trailer, that description might end up actually being a compliment. [/Film]
· While we're having a hard time fathoming why on earth Kill Bill billboards are still up in New Zealand, the simple fact of the matter is that this is our third favorite billboard of all-time (behind Angelyne and Vincent Gallo's Brown Bunny blowjob). [Copyranter]

No question, the Sex And The City movie premiere at Radio City Music Hall is going swimmingly for some people. Fameball Julia Allison and her buddies Mary Rambin and Megan Asha, for example, got inside the hall and snapped photos like the one at left of cast member Sarah Jessica Parker (from Rambin) and now appear to be happily seated next to actress Ashley Olsen. Vogue editor Anna Wintour is present and accounted for. But a line of ticketholders stretching for an entire city block was turned away, according to a disgruntled email tipster, who wrote: "There was a near riot of Louboutin clicking girls to the security windows in the front... Some were in near tears waving their tickets and yelling into their cells." Hopefully the lady from Singapore who bought a fake ticket for $19,000, but then got a free authentic one, wasn't among the crowd, because this would push her over the edge. I told you this was going to get ugly. Full email report after the jump.

Who doesn’t adore blind items? True, many are snoozy (“Which unmarried local newscaster is totally making out with his assistant!?!”), but when the sneaky item involves “rotund actresses,” “cocaine-fueled romps,” and name-calling on the level of “this beast,” we are all over it. In today’s NY Daily News, those lovable married gossips Rush & Molloy serve up one of the juiciest Just Askings we’ve seen in some time: