One finds the best celebrity blind items in the Home & Garden section of the New York Times. Joyce Wadler, who once helmed the newspaper's tepid Boldface Names gossip column, winkled out a delicious anecdote about one of luxury contractor John Finton's most demanding celebrity clients.
Once again, the troubled blonde union between Kate Hudson and Owen Wilson has come to an end, and both stars are up to their standard post-break-up habits. Hudson is said to be feeling “dumb,” and Wilson is making attempts to crawl into the sheets with the nearest yellow-haired hanger-on. And while the last time these two split, it became tragically clear which party came out on top and which wound up barely alive, we took a look at the career prospects in store for both, and worry Kate’s the one who might hit the skids this time around...
Teenagers fucking does not a network make, or so the CW is grudgingly realizing as its ratings plummet to a point where even The Wall Street Journal can't help but scoop the world on its obituary. To wit: Nearly 28% of its target 18-34 demo has disappeared this season! Ratings are down 22% during May sweeps! Young viewers are flocking to the Web! "Writers strike" this, "skittish advertisers" that, co-owners CBS and WB are ready to drop their joint endeavor faster than a pair of Gossip Girl heroine Serena van der Woodsen's panties, etc. etc. In short: Divest all ye sinners, the end is nigh — as in "a year" nigh, give or take a month or two.
It's been two surprisingly brisk years since M. Night Shyamalan unleashed his last utterly unwatchable labor of love upon us. That would be Lady in the Water—a project Disney would successfully argue was legitimate grounds for divorce, and that would ultimately go on to teach Warner Bros. a valuable lesson about never making movies about swimming pool mermaids hunted by weredogs with grass fur, regardless of how compelling the pitch sounded in the room. During that time, the highly self-regarded auteur and sometimes-actor has been toiling on yet another secretive project: The Happening.
Back in March, we heard Malibu’s own Ken and Barbie, Mel Gibson and Britney Spears, were aligning their forces of stupidity for the greater good. But it was tough to figure out whether or not they were on a date or set to co-produce a new film starring each and every one of their split personalities. But thanks to recent reports, it sounds as though the partnership was neither love- or business-bound. They’re just two confused drunks trying to stay clean together! Master of sobriety Mel recently flew both Britney and her owner, father Jamie Spears, down for a vacation at his Costa Rican clam shack for some R&R. But why now? And more importantly, why does Britney keep hiding her newly rotund tummy from the paparazzi?
The crowd—which including a wet-eyed de Rossi—instantly lept to their feet and cheered. After a rough year enduring the angry taunts of picketing writers, it's nice to see some harmony and happiness return to the Ellen set, with the only thing whipped at her face as she exits the building being handfuls of rice and blown kisses. All that's left at this point is to hammer out the event details—what is surely to be the most spectacular celebrity wedding of the year, with virtually no expense spared on the brides' custom-tailored tuxshedos and giant, Iggy-shaped ice sculptures.
Welcome back to Defamer Attractions, your guide to what's new, noteworthy and potentially toxic in weekend moviegoing. Today we survey the victims of Prince Caspian's box-office menace (including a particular race-car driver still convalescing from last week's pile-up), pick our first-ever foreign-language Underdog and browse the DVD shelves for potential Sunday-morning-hangover alternatives. As always, our opinions are our own but they are also 100% accurate, so plan accordingly!
Like it or not, nerd-turned-comedy-mogul Judd Apatow has tapped the fleshy center of the zeitgeist once again by unleashing Jason Segel’s manhood unto the world. And now, it looks like there’s a very hard hardcover release to look forward to in which Hollywood’s most legendary male assets are celebrated and outed — and we’re not talking shockers like Milton Berle. Among the nuggets revealed in Hollywood Babylon: It’s Back include the actor that's been called “donkey’d” by his female co-stars, the 1950s poster boy’s package was well-known in the prepubescent boy community, and who once posed nude for artists, earning himself the whisper, “It was the biggest I've ever seen. It made me drop my charcoal pencil.”
· OK, we think we can officially say we're excited about a new fall show: That would be Opportunity Knocks on ABC, Ashton Kutcher's contribution to the, "Hey—let's throw a block party game show!" genre. So much to love here, from the kid-sister diary hunt, to the whack-a-pottery challenge, to the identify-your -infant-brother's -screams quiz round. And just think how awesome it will be when they pack up the show and move it to the ghetto! [TV Week]
· Why yes, we do think we've seen this halo-effect used to great success on previous comedy one-sheets. [/Film]
· Jessica Alba radiates the unmistakable, bird-flipping glow of a woman nearing childbirth. [celebslam]
· An anonymous bidder paid $15 million for Takashi Murakami's jizz-vortex manga sculpture: someone who sounded a whooooole lot like Kanye West affecting a matronly British accent. [Gawker]
· Want to kill a few hours? Thighs Wide Shut collected the mother of all Indy ephemera link dumps, including a listing of every person ever really named Indiana Jones. (They were all born in the 19th century.) [thighswideshut.org]
· Stumble along with the ANTM finalists as they attempt to plug CoverGirl's new Blashtlashtlashblahsshsblashssplash! (Congratulations, Whitney.) [B-Side Blog]
There’s no shortage of sleazy surprises in the world of baby picture pimping. Today, TMZ reports that soon-to-be-dad Matthew McConaughey and his model girlfriend Camila Alves have hired an actual agent to auction off photos of their upcoming newborn’s visage to the major glossies. And the “brand agent” in question, Todd Shemarya, has quite a record — he’s the man behind Brangelina’s record-setting deal with People, and Christina Aguilera’s far less pricey cover with the same weekly. As disturbed as we are that such a man exists, we’re more saddened to learn that former nude bongo player and hairy beach hippie McConaughey would cash in on his first kid. We're actually starting to miss the hobo doing push-ups outside a trailer we'd grown accustomed to. Then again, the $1MM that he's reportedly been offered by three separate spawn-obsessed mags can buy a lot of t-shirts. [TMZ]
We take a moment now to honor the memory of the two biggest bitches in Hollywood history—that would be Bette Davis and Joan Crawford—whose man-swiping, lesbian-overture-rebuffing, Oscar-campaign-sabotaging exploits provided the behavioral template for generations of shock starlets to come. Today's Daily Mail provides a highly engrossing and detailed account of their lifelong rivalry, its poisonous roots stemming of course over ownership of a man—in this case, actor Franchot Tone. (He might not look like much, but trust us—this guy was totally the Joel Madden of his day.) It all came to a head on the set of the 1962 sleeper thriller that would offer both women not only an unlikely comeback, but all the near-fatal accident-rigging they could handle:
And so it ends: The long local nightmare that was the Anthony Pellicano trial has ended with essentially the same whimpering inertia that marked its duration. Those early reports of Pellicano's convictions have fleshed out in the hours since: guilty as charged on 76 of 77 counts of racketeering, conspiracy, wiretapping, wire fraud and identity theft, yet acquitted of "a single count of unauthorized computer access," according to The New York Times. (His four co-defendants were convicted of racketeering and racketeering conspiracy.) Pellicano will be sentenced Sept. 24.
While most of you would probably get fired if you were caught drinking on the job, over here at Defamer HQ, it's virtually a pre-requisite! In order to set the right mood for you to watch the Molly McAleer hosted Defamer To Do's for Thursday, May 15th, we need you to follow these four steps:
1) Quickly scope the area around your cube to make sure your boss isn't around — we wouldn't want you to get fired!
2) Pop open that bottle of Two Buck Chuck that we know you've been hiding in the bottom drawer of your desk
3) Pour yourself a tall, refreshing glass of Cab Sav
4) Click play and enjoy!
At this point in Jessica Simpson’s sad, sad career, it’s become clear that her only chance of making headlines is by sleeping with a new guy, getting dumped by that new guy, or whining over one of the many guys who’ve dumped and/or slept with her. As we learned this week, her most recent conquest — QB Tony Romo, who Jessica called “her future husband” in Glamour’s March issue before admitting that “this article could come out and Tony and I could be broken up” — rid himself of the Game Day Curse just as her ex-fling John Mayer was popping up all over the weeklies swapping spit with Jennifer Aniston and her fembot nips. Naturally, Jessica reacted by drinking herself silly and, we presume, making several late-night calls to her Dadager, Papa Joe, requesting her next romantic PR stunt stat. So the question is: which lucky bachelors will Joe pay off set her up with this time to guarantee continuous coverage of his darling daughter? Our suggestions, after the jump.
It was cute way back yesterday when we heard that Werner Herzog and Nicolas Cage are remaking Bad Lieutenant for a new generation of prurient cinephile wonks, but the novelty of Herzog's random-ass pairings requires a certain period of recharging to retain maximum effect. Which is perhaps why the potency of his other forthcoming, newly announced collaboration with David Lynch (!) on "a horror-tinged murder drama" doesn't have us positively reeling with anticipation.
· Fox's fall schedule announcement introduces only two new shows: a comedy called Do Not Disturb (formerly The Inn), and J.J. Abrams's new series Fringe, which will air Tuesdays at 9 after House. Details on Fringe are being kept under close wraps, but based upon a slew of promotional images over at TV Week, we think it revolves around a conspiracy discovered by a quality control technician at a menthol cigarette factory, played by Joshua Jackson. Joss Whedon's Dollhouse, meanwhile, and new animated shows Sit Down, Shut Up and The Cleveland Show won't air until mid-season. Executed: Back to You, Canterbury's Law, K-Ville, Nashville, New Amsterdam, The Next Great American Band, The Return of Jezebel James and Unhitched. [Variety]
· Daniel Day-Lewis may be taking over the role vacated by Javier Bardem in Rob Marshall's movie of the musical Nine. Bla bla milkshake jazz-hands bla bla. [Variety]
We’ve had a thing for Bill Murray since the first time we saw clips of his pity-me-but-look-at-me skits on SNL right up until his sad lonely guy role in Lost In Translation, when his gray hair and inability to smile deflated our crush ever so slightly. But unlike actress Greta Scacchi, who blabbed to a London paper about the night he innocently asked for her number and was harshly rejected by her and the too-cool group of Eurotrashy friends she rolls with, we’d never resort to the level of cattiness the Italian quasi-star did today:
