That's what happened after the cut to black! Well, it's what might happen to James Gandolfini anyway. Also today: A beloved actress departs Weeds, a new horror movie sounds truly horrific, children are ruined forever, and a Jesus cartoon.

Let's just hope her husband already knows. This actor goes out of his way for secret plastic surgery and this actress got some fake bling from an ex. Everyone's got secrets, some are just better at hiding them.

The devil's prayers have been answered. Known eater of food Gwyneth Paltrow has taped an episode of The Marriage Ref that will air tomorrow. Soon your marriage could be judged by Gwyneth Paltrow. More than it already is. Look, video!

You know like become. She's playing one in a movie. Also today: Jane Fonda will be playing herself, the zombie TV show casts another actor, Tony Danza is becoming a high school English teacher, and Twilight newz.

We were too busy crying while watching Lost last night to even bother with The City. It's a good thing fictional freelancer Betsey Morgenstern was there to fill us in on all the details.

Our favorite show about merry musical misfits was back with a new invention last night, or rather a reinvention designed to save their sagging reputations and rehabilitate a bunch of junky old songs in the process. They mostly succeeded.

Last night's Frank Sinatra episode proved befuddling and, at times, infuriating, pretty much the opposite of easy, breezy Mr. Sinatra. Why are the judges the way they are? Why do they say such dumb things?

America is abuzz with the news that NBC Universal head Jeff Zucker—who has methodically and predictably destroyed the NBC brand during his tenure there—is considering running for elected office, once he gets canned. He's destined for politics.

Last night's thrilling and tragic episode was full of head scratch moments, but one major question still nags at us. As, you know, it's supposed to. Just what the hell is that darn smoke monster up to?

In honor of Cinco De Mayo, and shitty new Arizona immigration laws, here's a just-released trailer for Machete, Robert Rodriguez's gory grindhouse pastiche about people who "fucked with the wrong Mexican." Probably NSFW, definitely fun. And eerily timely.

For him, DL means "deluded lad." For this couple it means "didn't last" like their crumbling relationship. For this starlet it means "drunk lady" as someone set a trap to get her wasted and use the photos against her.

Remember the "Black Widow" who appeared on The Real World: DC and called Andrew Pandahat's girlfriend "ugly?" She's suing MTV for $5 million and accusing the producers of invading her privacy and inflicting emotional distress.

Did you see it last night while trolling the Christopher Street Pier for, um, a friend? That dull glimmer out across the water, coming from behind those Jersey bluffs? It was the Housewives, calling to us out of the dark.

The master of secrets behind Lost (well, sort of behind it) has a new movie coming out that no one's ever heard of! A teaser will play before Iron Man 2, giving a first-ever glimpse. So what's it about?

Like Hamlet and Maury, Gossip Girl is often about paternity. Is he my father? Is he not my father? Is my new dad poisoning my mother? Who's your daddy? So many important questions, so few DNA tests.

Or at least near where they make the Boeing planes. Also today: Spielberg's next project, a good show gets renewed, some news about your favorite TV stars, and another rocker goes to Broadway.

They play neighbors, but they couldn't hate each other more. Same goes for this married couple, who stays together for show, or how everyone in Hollywood hates this actress who succeeds on nepotism. Is there no more room for love?

Yeah, Conan, we get it. You got screwed out of a job. Now that your ill-advised interview on 60 Minutes is over, it's time to lay that to rest before your fans begin to turn against you.

She has to if she wants to write a gangsta rap script correctly. Also today: A sexy new Phantom, a twee indie movie gets turned into a twee regional musical, 3D sports!, and Baywatch alumni news.

Poor George of the Jungle has a dud on his hands. Meanwhile, Freddy Krueger is bigger than ever, you guys need to ease up on your dragons, and Sandy Kenyon's great dilemma.