Matt Damon Will Play Jack's little brother in a biopic. Emily Post's Etiquette to be made into highly proper film. Jason Segal joins the Farrelly Brothers. The Olympics' ratings domination is done. Trade roundup's problems are not software-related.

Hollywood marketing departments aren't that creative, so how else to sell an ensemble pic? With a bunch of smiling stars smooshed on a poster, especially in a cute shape. The only one who appears on all three? Bradley Cooper!

Raspberries! Or should I say, Ratthhhberrietthhh! Last night's episode of our gay fantasia on irrational themes was surely the best, with a fun challenge involving celebrity impersonations. Some queens soared! Others left us bored.

We were too busy watching Florence Henderson do production numbers that we missed last night's episode of Kell on Earth. Luckily fictional freelancer Betsey Morgenstern was the only person not fired by Kelly Cutrone last night. She has the scoop!

Who knew one of our favorite ladies is hiding a secret? Is it Crackerjacks? Juggs McGee? Whoever it is, they're better off than a actress who fails at flirting and an athlete's wannabe-actress wife. It's all real!

Schlubby actors Kevin James and Vince Vaughn schlub it up in a movie. Jim Beluschi will schlub it up in a a TV drama. The UK Doesn't like Alice in Wonderland. Trade Roundup: Safety glasses required beyond this point.

On Easter! The cast of Fox's hit series about gay teens and the gay things they do will perform at the White House's annual Egg Roll. You know who Bush invited? The Jonas boys. In a handbasket, I tell you.

Betty White, beloved old lady of the moment, might be hosting Saturday Night Live, as fans have been clamoring for, just not by herself. It might be with a team of comediennes. Some folks don't like this idea. Really guys?

Wham! Bam! Bang! Slash. Squirt. Last night's episode of All My Mormons was a regular action movie, wasn't it? Well, part of it at least. The rest was your usual strange almost-sorta-melodrama.

HBO's Horatio Alger tale for the hipster set is full of advice about how to become the big, rich, fabulous New York City success you always dreamed of. This week, discover why networking with models is awesome!

This week a story about a mysterious island near Boston where a bunch of pale white people spend their time was the number one film. No, it's not about Martha's Vineyard! It's about Shutter Island.

She's a drunk, depressed mess, who can't work and can't get any help. Maybe she needs some trusty aides, like this celeb couple who treats their staff well. A disgruntled staff only makes things worse. Just ask this pair!

50 Cent continues to earn the "actor" part of his "rapper-actor" moniker. The Hurt Locker wins a bunch of non-Oscar awards. Shutter Island wins the weekend. Betty White might host SNL. The Roundup cares about hockey. Do you?

Look, in the sky! The clouds are parting and a heavenly ray of sunshine is screaming down towards Earth. It is the holy light of the Housewives, our most pious and delicate and wonderful and, occasionally, homeless creatures.

Two weeks ago, author Edward Jay Epstein explained how the $5 billion deal in 2004 had cleaned out Wall St. hedge funds. Now he has obtained the dealbook that spells out exactly what went wrong.

You guys, our sistah from anotha mistah Kayla Patterson, a dedicated Twilight fan, is reeeally mad at Universal. Why? Because their movie The Wolfman, starring Benicio del Toro as himself, totally copied the whole werewolf thing from New Moon, right???

Project Runway is all about vision and delusion. The vision that making little clothes for little people is harder. The delusion that we care. The vision that little girls are pure. The delusion of tarting up a bunch of children.

Never get homophobic at a fashion show! He should keep his mouth shut, like this actress who never mentions her costar in interviews. Another actress doesn't need to worry about her mouth, but her nose and what goes up it.

Owen Wilson, Woody Allen and Carla Bruni make a movie. Ben Affleck does a movie too—about wife-swapping. Steven Segal is back. Zac Efron is rich. Our last significant digit must be five or greater, because we're rounding up.

And then Shaun White double-cork 1080'd on Randy's face. See, the Wintry Hotlympics beat American Idol in the 9pm ratings last night. Idol hasn't lost its slot in six years. All it took were some "America, fuck yeah!" victorious Olympians.