· Andy Dick whips it out onstage, is ejected from a Canadian club. The funny part: It was a planned part of the act. (The whipping-out, not the throwing-out.)
· At this rate, there will be no remaining Hollywood marriages by the middle of September. Who could've imagined that Britney and K-Fed would become the new standard of marital stability?
· Everyone has his or her own way of dealing with the incredibly slow Pope-selection process.
· This blog is trying to preserve the dying art of giving cute names to common sitcom writing dilemmas.
· Casting for The Long Left Turn: The Jeff Gordon Story just got a whole lot easier.
· When Middle-Management Attacks: Lockhart Steele, Gawker Media's very own version of David Brent, muddles his way through his first day as guest Gawker co-editor in an orgy of self-linking, inside Krucoff baseball, and Spiers-baiting.

To: Elizabeth Spiers
You were totally right. Writing this site is a nightmare an ether binge without the literary payoff. I can't believe I gave up our languorous lunches for a week of this. (Really, how do you afford those shoes?) We're supposed to be "managing" the bloggers hold on, sorry, wiping tear from eye not "blogging" ourselves, right?

· Walter Mosley will read from his new book, Little Scarlet at the Dave Eggers Learning Annex, also known as 826LA. A discussion will follow, but if you fail to make a reservation, you'll never get anywhere near the place.
·The 3rd Monday Film Night at Art Share celebrates its first anniversary with a free film screening of Mulholland Drive. Nothing marks a year of achievement like hot lesbian action needlessly shrouded in Lynchian obscurity. That's what we've always said, anyway.
· Music Monday: Queens of the Stone Age at the Henry Fonda; Hellen Stellar plays the Viper Room; Black Halos encircle the Troubadour.

Towards the end of the Widespread show at Radio City on Saturday night*, it occurred to me that I probably shouldn't have gotten so baked in advance of guest-editing Gawker for a week. This is obviously a coke-fueled operation; the last thing anyone needs is the peace-love-brownies crowd taking the helm. Well. Too late for that. Up at an impossibly early hour this morning, I saw quiet moments of bliss on the streets of the Lower East Side**: parents walking their children to school; traffic attendants weeping with joy that I was moving my car hours before the 9AM deadline for the first time, like, ever. The blueberry muffins were still warm at Sugar Sweet Sunshine. And so, with glad heart and those fond memories, we're sealing the doors to our own private Sistine Chapel and breaking out the blow. Keep in touch!

As you may or may not have noticed, the addition of a guest co-editor to Gawker not only allows yours truly to sleep in past 6 AM, but has resulted in double the content. The system works, and Gawker will likely stay a two-man ship (if not more) for the rest of its days — frankly, this bitch merits the attention of more than just one drug-addled editor. So there you have it.

· If you've ever wondered why Princess Leia wears those buns, now we know it was to prevent her hair from getting caught on Darth Vader's codpiece.
· Actor Judge "Beverly Hills Cop" Reinhold enters the Academy's version of the witness protection program.
· Frequently bare-chested Amityville Horror star Ryan Reynolds thinks scaring people is easier than making them laugh. Harder still is making them laugh in parts where they're supposed to be scared, but he really pulls it off.
· If having a baby's made Gwyneth Paltrow lose her memory, maybe she can start jotting down notes on Apple's head with a Sharpie.
· A definitive and comprehensive list of African-American actors and characters appearing in films directed by Stanley Kubrick.
· Behold Kevin Federline, master ironist.

Friday
· The Family Guy cast members Seth MacFarlane, Alex Borstein, Seth Green, Mila Kunis and Mike Henry attempt to prove that many animated television characters are voiced by actual human beings (some famous!) as they stage a reading for Family Guy Live at the Wiltern. Coincidentally, the show will be re-premiering on Fox soon.
· There is music on Friday night, in a variety of venues and featuring a number of styles: Crooked Fingers at the Knitting Factory; Dead Meadow at Spaceland; Q & Not U at the Troubadour; Radio Vago at El Cid.
Saturday
· The FAB Market street fair enables you to eat and buy things among the arts community in downtown LA. We are fans both of buying and eating things, so this sounds like a delightful weekend option.
· We always find ourselves at a loss to describe the Create:Fixate's cool events, so hit their website and figure out exactly what's going on.
· There is also music on Saturday night, but in a smaller variety of venues: J Mascis and the Fog/Dinosaur Jr at Spaceland; The Killers at the Wiltern (also playing Sunday).
Sunday
· We're not exactly sure what Earth Day celebrates (we suspect Priuses are involved), but the WorldFest 2005 Earth Day Festival sounds like a wonderful party full of people much more environmentally aware than we are.
· Feel stifled by the Amoeba Records corporate behemoth ever since they expanded to three stores? Go way indie at the First Annual Los Angeles Independents Record Fair at Little Temple.

Now is the time when we genuflect in front of the money-altar of our this week's sponsors, for commerce is what makes the world go 'round. And bathroom stall blow, but that is a story for another time. If you'd like to advertise on Defamer and instantly watch your stock price shoot up to record levels as consumers buy your product or service like it's going out of style, see this page.

Well, that's it for me. If I may fracture the editorial "we" into a discrete "I" for one moment, let me say that today marks the end of my guest co-editing stint here at Gawker. It's been fun, but now I must be on my way.

A slurry shout-out to this week's sponsors, whose cash flow helps us celebrate spring in the city's finest biergartens. Interested in keeping us lubricated? Info here.

· Futuristic head-danish. Still chic after all these years.
· Tyra Banks loses her Top Model shit...now with video!
· If you view the infamous Star Wars line-up in this 360-degree panoramic shot, the geeks almost seem real. Almost. [via BoingBoing]
· Frankly, we're less than satisfied with any of the poll choices. Not a single Red Bull or Cheeto pun in the bunch. Tsk. (scroll to bottom of page) [via Gawker]

· The following event is sold out, but sneaking in may, in fact, be mandatory: Gene Wilder talks with Leonard Nimoy about Wilder’s memoir Kiss Me Like a Stranger at the Writers Guild Theater. The mind boggles at this wonderous pairing.
· Veteran celebrity assistant Heather Howard explains how she turned her Hollywood torture into torture-ade as she reads from her novel Chore Whore: Adventures of a Celebrity Personal Assistant at Book Soup.
· Remind yourself why we still put up with Robert DeNiro at a screening of Raging Bull at the Egyptian Theatre.

We at Defamer realize that readers from less geographically-desirable locales often stumble upon this site, hungry for a glimpse of the ludicrously glamorous lives that every single resident of Los Angeles leads. Even at the relatively downmarket Defamer HQ, we can barely make it to the refrigerator without tripping over an Oscar nominee who's popped in for a snack! A reader submits a tale of a totally typical night of dining here in the greater Hollywood area, allowing gawkers to get a feel of what life is like in the celebrity fishbowl, where every meal is a cornucopia of elbow-rubbing with beings from all wavelengths of the fame spectrum—young and old, differently-abled and upright, obscure and world-renowned.

· Craig Baldwin's Sonic Outlaws at the UCLA Hammer Museum looks at the work of musical acts that use sampling in their art, practically begging the RIAA's lawyers to knock down the door and start spraying lawsuits around the room like shotgun blasts.
· Local "photographer to the hipster stars" Mark the Cobrasnake will stalk the party for the Vapors magazine party at El Centro celebrating its photo issue. Hit the Cobrasnake's site tomorrow to see if you were photogenic (or wasted) enough to make the cut.
· You have only one more night to catch the Los Angeles Italian Film Awards Festival at the ArcLight. If you find yourself sitting in Melinda and Melinda, you're in the wrong theater.

Yesterday, we offered up the inaugural edition of what we hoped would become a running feature, the Fauxteur Fashion Minute, in which readers spot Hollywood's hottest, hackiest directors in the wild and hold forth on their sartorial sense. We joked that a Brett Ratner installment would be forthcoming, but were reduced to tears of joy when, mere minutes later, our prayers were answered.

Hollywood PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are sent in by our readers. Send yours to tips@defamer.com and let the world know that George Clooney is a very, very handsome man.

· Greatest. Petty. Thefts. Ever.
· Even at the end of his life, it was rumored that the Pope could bench 350.
· "Third rule of Desperate Housewives Fight Club, someone yells, 'Bitch! You're in my light!'?? Oh, it's on."
· Pantheon Zeus is unhealthily obsessed with the idea of Rosie O'Donnell portraying a retarded person. We're going to spare you the e-mails.
· We have just one question about this: Was it a skull or a full head? Because if it was an entire head, there might've been some embalming fluid in there, and we all know how awesome that combination is. OK, two questions: Whatever happened to using an apple or a Coke can with holes punched in it?

· CalArts hosts a roundtable discussion on What Makes a Great Magazine? at the Redcat with panelists from Hearst Magazines, Giant Robot, and the LAT. Nod knowingly when some guy from Maxim thrusts his hand in the air, grunting, "Ooh, ooh, B-list actresses in bikinis make a great magazine!"
· Enjoy an evening of watching shorts and clips of movies offering "creative resistance and political pranking" at "Blows Against the Empire" at Sponto Gallery in Venice to help wash that stale Spears taste from your mouth.
· Tired of your comedy having that insidious, namby-pamby, lefty bent? M Bar hosts Right Wing Comedy Night at Comedy Death-Ray, with Matt Besser, Greg Proops, and other comics who'd probably like to strangle Janeane Garofalo.

We break from today's onslaught of studio-related news to bring you this quick-hitting fashion critique of one of Hollywood's hackiest directors, who was unlucky enough to gas up next to a reader who's got an eye for style:

We love it when celebrities loudly conduct their important business calls in public. It fills the air with the happy noise of the commerce that makes our little city go, go, go, and helpfully alerts all within earshot that Someone Important is nearby and Getting Things Done. We love it even more when a reader records snippets of those conversations for the public record. You'll have to continue on after the jump for the pay-off, because everything's more fun when it's a guessing game.