You could spend hours coming up with strong contenders for the title of world's most thankless job, but how about any job that involves negotiating with North Korea? That would have to be up there.
Hosni Mubarak, the deposed President of Egypt, will reportedly apologize — and "plead for amnesty" — in a televised statement. Apologize, you may be wondering, for what? Good question! "[F]or for any offense caused to the people," apparently. But, look, all of that nonspecific "offense" isn't really even his fault! See, he's also going to apologize "for any behavior which may have stemmed from false information passed on to him by his advisers." Advisers are notoriously untrustworthy!
Ramzan Kadyrov, murderous warlord and "president" of Chechnya, is trying to recast his country as a hub for international football. And to celebrate the opening of a new stadium he had built in Grozny, Kadyrov hosted a friendly match between his team, made up of various criminals and murderers businessmen, and a team of retired international stars that included Argentinian great Diego "Hand of God" Maradona.
As her husband deploys tanks to kill civilians in cities across Syria, many have wondered where in the world the "glamorous, young, and very chic" Asma al-Assad could be. It turns out that the dual British-Syrian citizen is probably hiding out in west London where she grew up, according to reports. The Telegraph spoke with a "high-ranking Arab diplomatic source" who claims that she is indeed staying in North Acton with her family. The source also said, "Clearly her presence could cause huge embarrassment to the British, so none of this has been made public." Yes, that would be pretty embarrassing!
Poor Hosni Mubarak! The Egyptian dictator is, according to "a senior Egyptian official" who spoke with Fox News, "clinically depressed." The octogenarian has been in the hospital with heart problems since last week; according to doctors, he "spends all day in bed and is eating very little with his wife Suzanne by his side." Look, Hosni, don't get us wrong, the transition from fearsome autocrat to old Egyptian guy can be difficult! But you have to take care of yourself. Make sure you're exercising, and maybe take up a hobby, like gardening. We also hear meditation is great for depression. [NYP]
Today, the 15th of April, is "The Day of the Sun" in North Korea, the day on which the nation's founding father Kim Il-sung was born 99 years ago. But unlike his son, Kim Jong-il — who was born magically on Baekdu Mountain under a double rainbow on the same day as the creation of a new star in the sky — the late Kim was just your average Marxist guerilla from a modest background who single handedly defeated the Japanese in World War Two and went on to found the Democratic People's Republic of Korea, all while on his way to becoming the "Great Leader."
Deposed Egyptian dictator Hosni Mubarak was detained today, after his well-timed "heart attack" during questioning over allegations of corruption and for ordering the violent crackdown on pro-democracy protesters earlier this year. Last night his klepto sons, Gamal and Alaa were arrested and taken in for questioning in Sharm el-Sheikh, where the family has a massive compound, presumably built with money stolen from the state. In a statement, Egypt's prosecutor general said:
Looking for a fixer-upper vacation home in a tropical paradise? Then why not bid on former Panamanian dictator — and convicted drug-trafficker — Manuel Noriega's "dilapidated" 35,000-square-foot mansion? It just failed to sell at auction for a second time, with an asking price of $2.5 million according to the AP. Get a whiff of the desperation! It's time to lowball the Panamanian Economy Department, who said in a statement that the property will go back on the block for a third time. That would make a great episode of Million Dollar Listing, no?
Remember the "voluptuous blonde" Ukrainian nurse described in a Wikileaks cable about Colonel Muammar Qaddafi? Well, he had a bunch of them, most of whom fled Libya as the rebellion grew stronger. And luckily for us, Newsweek tracked one of them down. According to 24-year-old Oksana Balinskaya, Colonel Qaddafi:
Amid growing public outrage that resulted in the death yesterday of two Egyptian protesters, Hosni Mubarak has issued his first, self-pitying statement since he was forced out of office two months ago. Meanwhile, state prosecutors have summoned him for questioning, and arrested his former Prime Minister, Ahmed Nazif.
Libyan dictator Muammar Qaddafi can be forgiven for his physical appearance these days. After all, his country is being bombed, rebels are fighting an increasingly bloody war with his army, and his "voluptuous blond" Ukrainian nurse left him. But things weren't always this way. Back in the heady days of 1995 Qaddafi, now 68 years old, gave a Brazilian plastic surgeon an envelope "full of U.S. dollars and Swiss francs" to halt the appearance of aging. The AP spoke to the doctor:
Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad was called the "George Steinbrenner of Iran" in a leaked 2009 U.S. diplomatic cable made public by Wikileaks, after he fired two soccer coaches from Team Melli weeks apart from each other. Ahmadinejad also kept secret files on the team's players, similar to when Steinbrenner payed a gambler to dig up dirt on Yankees outfielder Dave Winfield.
