The good news is that there's a possible Gisele Bundchen/Tom Brady sex tape floating around Manhattan. The bad news? Only a handful of restaurant staffers at New York's highbrow Philippe restaurant have seen it (for now, at least). Thanks to a "security camera" watching over the eatery's precious downstairs wine cellar, a few lucky and lusty busboys and girls have had the pleasure of watching the model and the easy-on-the-eyes quarterback "hook up." But Gisele and Tom aren't the only couple being salivated over in what the restaurant's frequent celebrity guests apparently consider a private room...

• Apple's miraculous iPhone has exponentially increased the productivity of scuzzballs like sometime Britney Spears boyfriend Adnan Ghalib. Though paparazzo Ghalib has his hands full shopping for pregnancy tests with singer Spears, getting uppity with his former coworkers and maybe cutting exploitive photo deals, the iPhone allowed him to also have internet sexytime chats with other women. Britney found the messages and threw Ghalib's iPhone in a pool, then threw the pap out of her house. He wrote a stupid note offering her "milky soup."

A hip-hop producer, rapper, fashion designer, TV producer, Broadway actor, entrepreneur, and all-around party boy, by the time you finish reading this, he'll likely have started a new business venture or given himself a new name.

Matt Phillp has taken what is definitely our favorite picture of all of fashion week at the Heatherette show. There in the front row, infamous fey dandy Patrick McDonald was placed next to sorta-thuggy Diddy. This proves that either the show's publicist (the infamous Kelly Cutrone!) is either a genius or a just a nutty crazy lady. Also to be noted! Lady Bunny two rows behind them, taking pictures and laughing her ass off. Heaven. So long, fashion week! It's been... well, it's been!

• Lindsay Lohan had coke on her in her DUI arrest this morning; she was arrested after cops got reports of her white Denali chasing another car. (Two other people were in her car, by the way,and they were released.) [TMZ, TMZ] [Photo: X17]
  

• Paris "I don't do drugs" Hilton was spotted exiting a limo in a cloud of marijuana smoke. Paris, honey: seriously, stop! Quitting weed makes you so much sharper and more inclined to like Park Slope! [Page Six]
  

• Sean P. Diddy Puffy Diddy Combs' babymama beard, Kim Porter, has moved out. One wonders what the last straw was. [Page Six]
  

• NoLIta establishment shut down for "unlicensed massage." [Racked]
  

• But Fox smear ads compare the CNN anchor to Paris Hilton, which is just unfair. [Page Six]
  

It's not just Diddy who is responsible for doggy death: according to the Humane Society and TMZ, Hova is also guilty of using the fur of Chinese raccoon dogs to trim jackets. The Rocawear coat, like the Sean John coat that was pulled from Macy's shelves in November, is labeled as "faux" fur. We suppose Jigga should have probably listened to his own advice when it comes to Chinese bitches: they do keep bootleggin your shit. (Hey, the "and a bitch IS one" joke was taken, okay?)

Sean Jean coats sold at Macy's in New York may be trimmed with the fur of Chinese raccoon dogs (pictured — aww), according to the Humane Society of America. The coats in question are currently being tested to determine the provenance of the fur, which was advertised on Macy's website as being fake. If the fur is from doggies, Macy's will pull the coats from its shelves — the store has a no dog or cat fur policy. We'll leave the question of the policy's arbitrariness aside for the moment and focus on the big picture: what does this mean for Sean "Diddy" Combs' image? We can't decide which easy joke to go with, so pick one from Column A: feud with Bow Wow, what would Natasha Lyonne say, something about Rosie O'Donnell.

Group Says 'Fake' Fur on Coat at Macy's is Real [Reuters via BWE]

• Angelina collapses for the third time in three days. [China Daily]
  

• Mary-Kate gets herself an oil heir, presumably one who can pay for his own porn. [MSNBC]
  

In a video announcement, YouTube's founders referred to its purchase by Google as "two kings are coming together." Cocky? Not really — they were just making a Sean Combs Burger King joke.

Via Eat the Press, the following analysis of George W. Bush from noted psephologist Diddy:

• Well, that solves it: It's Anna Nicole Smith herself who's cashing in on the photos of her with her newborn child and son Daniel, who died shortly after the pics were taken. With the help of an aggressive photo agent and the money-throwing suits at In Touch and Entertainment Tonight, she's set to bring in around $600K. Self-exploitation heals the heartache, doesn't it? [Lowdown]
• Joe Simpson reaches a whole new level of fucked-up and crazy: he actually acts as a paparazzo, taking pictures of his daughters — the same images that all the other swarms are taking — and selling them to WireImage as part of an exclusive deal that cuts out all other photographers. Eventually, Simpson will strike this kind of deal with Penthouse. And then, only then, being daddy will be worth it. [Radar]
• In a very public screaming match, Lindsay Lohan tells her partner in crime, mom Dina, to "go to hell" — during Dina's birthday party, no less. But not even the birthday girl gets to gank Lindsay's stash. Bitch had it coming. [Page Six]
• Rosie O'Donnell's big, scary lesbian liberalism makes View co-host Elisabeth Hasselbeck cry. And when Elisabeth cries, the ratings win. [R&M (2nd item)]
• Diddy pulls a diva act. When someone wears white chinchilla, that's usually a given. [Philly Daily News]
• In his divorce, Matt Leblanc will be representing himself. Pitfalls and blunders, accompanied by a laughtrack, TK. [TMZ]
• Stephen Baldwin continues to spread the word of baby Jesus and, in the process of doing so, remains in the public eye. Troublesome. [Page Six]

Much like every other publication in town, the Observer sent a reporter to last week's Video Music Awards, only to discover that the blingy fracas was less than — oh, what's the word? — halfway interesting. In fact, a major highlight comes not from a celebrity, but from a reporter:

Not to be outdone by Diddy, Gawker mascot Andrew Krucoff takes a camera into the bathroom to note the new viral (ha ha, get it?) ad for Jackass 2. The footage is kind of grainy, but the video stream is strong. (It's hard to stop, sorry.) We just want to know if Krucoff was filming with one hand and holding his dick with the other. Because we never figured him to be that coordinated.

Really, there's nothing we can add.