The show that has entertained millions for so long has finally died, in this its eighth year. We mourn those who've been killed in this tragedy, and celebrate those who managed to escape it.

The Wall Street Journal's magazine WSJ. was the glossy linchpin of Rupert Murdoch's plan to grow his beloved newspaper's revenue. But instead of minting money like the New York Times' T, it's shriveling.

Rather than trying to clean up her image, be-weaved country tune warbler Kim Zolciak, from Real Housewives of Atlanta, is doing the next best thing. She's decided to sue her former publicist.

Last night Red Eye was talking about Travis the Chimp—who was shot and killed after eating a lady's face—wondering why his crazy owner spent so much time with him. One guest figured he was well-endowed.

Just in case the plunging stock market, deepening recession, and report of bedbug infestation didn't give you enough to worry about today, here's something else to insure you see your shrink for many years to come: Scientists say that water levels around the city could rise by two feet or more in the coming decades, and the streets of New York may end up looking "like the canals of Venice." Better make friends with these people while there's still time! [NYP]

Japan's finance minister resigned over this video of him sleeping and slurring at a G-7 meeting in Rome. If he was drunk, he wouldn't be the first to buckle under economic stress.

People like Nadya Suleman, the IVF junkie mother of 14, and Alfie Patten, the 13-year-old father from England, are getting famous just for reproducing. It's a pretty gross trend.

I mean, did you really think it would be a hit? Joss "Buffy" Whedon's new Fox series Dollhouse had television's second lowest-rated premiere of the season, after something called Crusoe. Its lead-in, Terminator, also tanked.

Not even usually scruplesless LA PR flacks are immune to the public outcry over Nadya Suleman, that lady who made science give her 14 children. She's been dropped by the pair that was representing her.

Somehow we knew Alec Baldwin would come for you first, Joaquin Phoenix. The actor seems as hostile to strung-out hippies as his 30 Rock alter ego Jack Donaghy.

Everyone's been debating whether Joaquin Phoenix's crack-up, as evidenced on Letterman the other night, is real or a hoax. It sure looked real to the director of his last movie.

A Continental Express flight from Newark crashed into a home in the suburbs near its destination of Buffalo. All 48 people on the plane were killed, plus one on the ground.

His disastrous Letterman interview brought Joaquin Phoenix's whole quitting-acting-to-become-a-bearded-rapper shtick to a dizzying climax last night. Dave played it off as legit. Others think it's all an Andy Kaufman-esque hoax. We think it's both!

Here's Joaquin Phoenix on David Letterman later tonight, either stoned out of his mind or just medically catatonic (or both). Letterman makes several heroic efforts to politely prompt Phoenix before ruthlessly mocking him.

Second-string New Yorker movie critic David Denby hates 'snark.' He wrote a whole book of fiction about it! What would the man think if he knew that snark—yes, snark—is creeping into his own publication's content?

Well, maybe "creepy" isn't the right word. But there's something both comforting and unsettling about how calm all involved seemed to be, even as Captain Chesley Sullenberger said that the aircraft couldn't make it to an airport runway. I guess maybe there just wasn't time to panic. Though something tells me that if I'd been up there, I'd have made the time.

Those gold-digging "DABA" girls, the ones who're complaining about their impotent, newly-out-of-work banker boyfriends in the New York Times, have become overnight successes. All by themselves! They've gone and snagged a book deal.

It's no wonder this unreleased "Speedfit" workout video was banned from YouTube: It's as embarrassing as rumored and contains an incriminating recording of her business manager to boot.

Because the current Brooklyn-set season of MTV's The Real World has been about real issues—What are gay people? Can we poke them with sticks?—and nobody likes real issues, next season will return to drunkenness.

Hero co-pilot of the Hudson Jeff Skiles, who was right there in the cockpit when Primary Hero Chesley Sullenberger landed that plane in the river, is finally breaking his silence! He's in the tank.