Celebrities and pets: The last two subjects that Americans care to read about.

Cindy Adams' New York Post columns appear to be produced by a random word-generator machine. Her visage appears to be produced by Botox and shellac. So it is unsurprising to find that she is a Helsmley-level ratdog nut.

Rebecca Mead infiltrated Cindy's aboveground lair in a Park Ave. penthouse and recorded these ramblings about the gossipeuse's Yorkies before being chased out by Cindy's bloodthirsty wolf-celeb hybrid bodyguards:

Were you aware that "Pet Fashion Week" went down this past weekend in Chelsea? You missed it? Guess you'll have to wait until next year to see a dog model a handmade gown made of red satin and black lace. [NYDN]

There isn't much of a difference between a dog and a two-year toddler, according to new research. Both are on the "same mental plane," according to a psychology professor and dog expert who reports that like two-year-olds, "dogs can experience fear, anger, happiness and disgust, but not guilt." (Humans don't experience guilt until the age of four or so.) Regrettably, the study did not look into cases in which the parents were operating on the same mental plane as the toddler and dog, but we'll assume the results of that study will be coming along any day now. [Yahoo! News]

Dog Snuggies are here.

Lilly the five-legged puppy was born to be a star. But some misguided "dog lover" types are determined to see to it that she never achieves her Freak Show career dream! You monsters.

[via Adfreak]

The most silent victims of crime busts: dogs. Poor pups get executed by rabid cops who shoot first, bark questions last. Now, Maryland cops have to report to the governor's office whenever they kill a pooch. [Daily Beast]

And you thought one of the silver linings of the economic downturn was that it was sending really silly companies out of business. Pet Airways, the "first-ever all-pet airline," took off from Republic Airport on Long Island for the first time today. The airline, which plans to operate in five U.S. cities, is now offering one-way tickets for about $250. The perks, however, are hard to beat. Pets get escorted to the plane by attendants who will check on the animals every 15 minutes once they're in the air. The pets are given pre-boarding walks and bathroom breaks, and there's even a "Pet Lounge" at the airport for "future fliers to wait and sniff before flights." If your dog has been begging to get away from his/her owner for little summer getaway, consider yourself fresh out of excuses. [AP]

Chrissie Brodigan, captured the hearts and minds of New York after pulling her puking pug dog off the L train and subsequently getting arrested for it. Now, she's been fired from her job. This has gone too far!

Chrissie Brodigan was victimized once, when her pug dog threw up on the L train. She was victimized again when she was arrested for the puking incident. Now she may lose her job.

Was puking pug dog owner Chrissie Brodigan roughed up by the NYPD simply for tending to her dog, and its throwup? The most powerful cop in New York is now involved in the case. Read between the lines, people.

Yesterday, Chrissie Brodigan said she was manhandled by a cop and arrested just because her pug dog threw up on the L train. But the cop says she's a raving anti-Semite! Let's explore this breathtakingly minor controversy.

Please don't insist on having your dogs attend your wedding. Don't dress them up in special outfits, or make them play the role of ringbearer. Don't require they sit for wedding photos. Or send them for pre-wedding beauty treatments. Your guests may smile politely and tell you what a cute idea it is. These are the same people who will be laughing at you for weeks to come. (Unless, that is, the person is blind and it's a seeing-eye dog we're talking about, in which case ignore what you just read.) Next thing you know people are going to start holding bar mitzvahs for their canines or something. Oh, right. Too late. [NYDN]

How much does Mike Bloomberg pay his dog walker? This is the pertinent piece of information missing from today's Daily News profile of Eloise Cucui, the Hunter high school senior who walks Mayor Bloomberg's two golden Labrador retrievers, Bonnie and Clyde. (The News may also oversell her position a smidge, too, calling hers "one of the city's most important jobs.")

If you read one profanity-laced diatribe about labradoodle owners today, let it be this one.

A couple of weeks ago, state officials issued a report indicating New York City may need a new area code in the near future. It seems phone numbers for the 718 and 347 area codes—which are in use in Brooklyn, Queens, Staten Island, and the Bronx—will run out by late 2011. Cindy Adams doesn't live in any of those boroughs (her apartment is a Park Avenue penthouse, thank you very much), but she's still outraged by the prospect: "Making someone get another area code is like making them move to the back of the bus. It's discrimination."

Back in January CNN's Soledad O'Brien, serving on the co-op board of her Chelsea building, signed the eviction notice for fellow resident Steven Lyon complaining about the "size, slobbering, shedding, drooling, gassiness and odors" of his Neapolitan Mastiff, Ugo. A Manhattan Housing Court judge has now dismissed the case.

A notice to dog owners who still refuse to pick up after their pets: Parks Commissioner Adrian Benepe announced yesterday that the city is raising the fine for people who refuse to comply with the city's pooper-scooper law from $100 to $250. The fine doesn't take effect until June and Benepe says the move is merely intended to "change the culture of litter in our parks." Also? Dog poo may now be the city's secret weapon in tackling the budget deficit. [NYDN]