When the Washington Post reported Monday that the Democratic National Committee’s servers had been breached by a team of Russian hackers, the DNC was quick to claim that nothing pertaining to the party’s many supporters had been pilfered. But a new cache of apparently hacked documents obtained by Gawker contains a wealth of donor information, including e-mail addresses and cell phone numbers for hundreds of high-profile and wealthy Democratic fundraisers.

Think about it, a little more: Mitt Romney or Newt Gingrich. Mitt Romney or Newt Gingrich. Mitt Romney or Newt Gingrich. It wasn't the best year for recruiters of Republican presidential candidates. And now that the deadline has passed in most early states to get on the primary ballot, there's no chance for anyone else to jump in. Unless the incompetent rich Republican donors "pull some strings," or whatever it is that the rich do in emergencies.

Is it possible that Michele Bachmann's campaign has not been managing its money well? Word is she's in "dire" financial straits, and refuses to make fundraising calls. Everyone donate a couple grand to keep the funny going!

Remember when a Mitt Romney political action committee received a $1 million donation from "W Spann LLC," a mysterious company that was created in March and dissolved in July? And we all thought it was al Qaeda or Dr. Claw or someone? Turns out it was just a regular old rich guy!

Here's just the latest sign that our campaign finance laws are healthy in every way the Founding Fathers could have imagined: A secret company that no one knows anything about has given Mitt Romney's SuperPAC $1 million and quickly dissolved into nothingness. The folks behind this fly-by-night operation are probably relaxing on a beach in Mexico by now! Oh man.

While some hedge funders appear to be sticking by President Obama, mostly because he ate a fancy meal with them, others are still desperately searching for a viable Republican alternative who won't even occasionally use semi-mean language in public about the lords of high finance. That's why they're still trying to convince New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie to run, because he only says mean things about all middle class people, all the time.

Koch Industries, the wealthy industrial corporation run by right-wing activist billionaires David and Charles Koch, recently got a standard-issue voicemail solicitation from Democratic Senatorial Campaign Committee chair Sen. Patty Murray, asking for money. A simple "no, sorry" wouldn't suffice. The company's PR chief had to publish an arch letter condemning Murray for hypocrisy, along with a recording of her voicemail.

You know why Mitt Romney will win the Republican nomination for president? Because he has the most money, the end.

Sneaky CBS Radio News reporter Mark Knoller listened in to a private chat between the president and elite donors following a Chicago fundraiser last night. The president had no idea that this reporter could still hear the feed! Naughty Mark Knoller. Anyway, what's the dirt?

Be scared, Democrats, because Daddy's taking the credit card away. That's right: George Soros, the billionaire financier who's bankrolled many Democratic victories in previous years, isn't donating to them this year, saying that even he can't stop the Republican "avalanche."

Michael Bloomberg, having already delivered an eloquent defense of the Islamic community center near Ground Zero, has returned to his typical testiness. Today, for example, he told a radio host, "It's a shame we even have to talk about this."

How did American Crossroads, Karl Rove's "grassroots" fundraising operation, suddenly leap from $200 in monthly donations to a total of $4.7 million? Apparently 97% comes from four billionaires. A Republican Congress better reward them with some top-notch ponies! [Image: AP]

Apparently "there's talk in GOP circles" that Sarah Palin should replace Michael Steele as RNC chair, after Steele made the terrible mistake of calling the Afghanistan war stupid. This will not happen, because Sarah Palin is a terribly unpopular person!

Chelsea Clinton's wedding this summer won't have much to do with Chelsea Clinton—it'll just be a Democratic fundraiser for major donors. We'd say "poor Chelsea," but she's probably known her wedding would be like this since elementary school.