Weed is the past. Dabs are the future (of weed).

If there's one thing that the State of California wants in a drug and alcohol counselor, it's a spotless past free of crime. So the state was appalled to learn that felons may be counseling people about drugs. Do we want to live in a society that legalizes speaking from experience?

The sun has risen, and it's time for "Hey, Science," our boldly scientific weekly feature in which we have your most provocative scientific questions answered by real live scientists (or related experts). No topic is off limits in our ongoing quest for truth and time-wasting. This week, doctors explain: Why do cardio exercise when you could just do cocaine?

Low-rent Viagra text ads blanketed a National Republican Congressional Committee website just as Pfizer announced the popular senior erection helper will now be available online directly from the manufacturer.

It's impossible to know for sure exactly what white substance burst forth from supermodel Cara Delevingne's pocketbook on Saturday, as she merrily searched for her keys in front of her London home. Perhaps it was a baggie of bone ash, to make a glaze for tiny ceramics. Perhaps it was a pinch of anthrax, to poison her littlest enemies. Perhaps it was 1 gram of flour, to bake a cake for a fairy queen.

Five years off Adderall and Dexedrine and I’m still in withdrawal.

A beauty queen from Thailand who was among the 20 finalists in this year's local Miss Maxim competition has been disqualified by the publication after a video emerged showing her teaching a five-year-old boy how to snort a substance believed to be Ketamine.

Admitted recreational marijuana smoker Barack Obama is still letting the Justice Department harass established San Francisco medical pot dispensaries out of business, with the 15-year-old Hemp Center in the Richmond District the latest to be threatened by the feds.

Police in St. Petersburg arrested a very confused individual on Sunday after he allegedly phoned 911 over 80 times in a row to order food and drugs.

You think popping a mint is going to help you? Think again. Swedish researchers announced Thursday that they were able to detect drugs like marijuana, cocaine, amphetamines and prescription pills simply by breathalyzing subjects.

The Department of Justice sued Swiss pharmaceutical giant Novartis twice this week for allegedly treating doctors and pharmacies to kickbacks, bogus speaker fees, fishing trips, and Hooters outings in an effort to promote Novartis drugs.

Between this rave review of Nathan For You and his recent attempt to strap himself to a flying plane, Canadian comedian Nathan Fielder is fast becoming someone you should know.

Police in Stockholm have reportedly discovered drugs and a stun gun on the tour bus of World’s Worst Baby Monkey Mother Justin Bieber.

According to the National Enquirer, this is a photograph of House Speaker John Boehner's soon-to-be son-in-law, a Jamaican-born man named Dominic Lakhan. He does not look like someone you would imagine to be related to the leathery, weeping John Boehner, but that's the beauty of America.

Amid reports of a vandalized hot tub cover and a stolen snowboard, one item on the sleepy police blotter for the ski resort town of Steamboat Springs, Colorado, stood out for being the most exciting incident to occur within city limits in some time:

A 19-year-old who stands accused of hijacking the semi-trailer truck of an acquaintance and crashing it into several vehicles along I-15 near Temecula, California, told Highway Patrol officers he "was being chased by zombies."

The first national poll to ask potential voters their thoughts on marijuana since two states legalized the drug back in November has found that support for legalization is now a majority opinion for the first time since the question was first asked by Gallup back in 1969.

When a Texas Highway Patrol trooper pulled over a gas tanker as part of a routine stop for commercial vehicles, it's probably safe to assume the trooper expected the ordeal to pass without incident. Instead, the trooper discovered roughly 3.9 tons of marijuana stored inside the tanker.

YouTube prankster Vitaly Zdorovetskiy — he of the incredibly ill-advised "Miami Zombie Attack Prank" and that nasty BangBros porn (NSFW) where he desperately tried to get it up but couldn't — is back by popular demand with a special April Fools' Day prank.

So-called "after dentist" videos are a dime a dozen. Which is why you can trust that this one's a good'un.