At 3:45 on Monday morning, Mexican marines stopped a car heading west from Nuevo Laredo. Inside was $2 million, nine weapons, 500 rounds of ammunition—and this man, "40," the leader of the Zetas drug cartel.

A woman who temporarily lost custody of her newborn baby because she failed a hospital-mandated drug test after eating a poppy seed bagel won a huge settlement from Pennsylvania child welfare services and her hospital on Tuesday.

Law enforcement officials in Ypsilanti Township, Michigan, say a 41-year-old man had apparently ripped off a sizable chunk of his own genitals with his bare hands while under the influence of magic mushrooms.

The New York Times website just published a Style section piece on hip downtown party drug MDMA, aka "molly." Perhaps you've done molly in a sparsely furnished loft somewhere—or a cramped bathroom stall—and soon felt, as one woman described it, "very turned on—not even sexually, but you just feel really upbeat and want to dance or whatever." Or whatever.

The latest California crime wave: widespread theft of Tide Detergent, which is being traded for crack. "Money laundering" joke goes here.

Here is the trailer for Crystal Fairy and the Magical Cactus, which is not a twee children's tale, but rather a road trip-drug trip movie with Michael Cera and Gabby Hoffman. It looks like so much giddy fun madcapery. And it has a great soundtrack!

Scientific studies show that the vast majority of Americans are not doctors. That does not, however, prevent Americans from medicating themselves with "alternative" medicines and supplements, as if they were doctors. Why are we Americans so dumb?

A large quantity of marijuana was found inside a residence in Leicester, England, thanks to the incessant farting of a police officer who had recently started a high-protein diet.

A Bluffton, South Carolina, man who admitted to growing pot plants to help his sick wife was charged with marijuana trafficking after turning himself in this week.

The demolition operator in the Philadelphia building collapse that killed six people was a felon with a lengthy rap sheet who was high on marijuana and painkillers at the time, officials say.

Today marks the arrival of two new prescription drugs designed to help Americans lose weight. For hundreds of dollars per month, clinically obese Americans will be able to purchase cutting-edge chemistry that is less effective than just taking long walks sometimes.

Medical marijuana for pets.

A comprehensive new report from the ACLU about marijuana arrests in America confirms three key points: A) Weed arrests are overwhelmingly racially biased; B) Weed arrests consume an insanely large amount of money and resources; and C) Weed needs to be legalized, ASAP.

In a desperate bid to prevent police from arresting her drug trafficking sons, a 74-year-old woman from Aragon, Spain, swallowed their entire stash, causing her to suffer a heart attack and die.

A social studies teacher in Illinois is facing possible dismissal after he informed his students of their constitutional right to skip self-incriminating questions on a drug and alcohol use survey administered by the school.

"A coroner said Friday that Christ died of a cocaine overdose."

Pike Place Market butcher William Von Schneidau calls his latest creation the "pot pig."

Last year, my boyfriend and I went to West Virginia to visit my mother while she was undergoing chemotherapy for cancer. It was the second time she’d been diagnosed in three years, and the side effects from these treatments were much worse. My previous understanding of cancer had come pretty exclusively from pastel paperbacks, all dignified vomiting and heads shaved in solidarity, but the reality seems more Dante than Nicolas Sparks. A half-joke about supplemental painkillers was soon brought, tentatively, to the table.

Rob Ford, Toronto's conservative mayor, is a wild lunatic given to making bizarre racist pronouncements and randomly slapping refrigerator magnets on cars. One reason for this is that he smokes crack cocaine. I know this because I watched him do it, on a videotape. He was fucking hiiiiigh. It's for sale if you've got six figures.

After selling cocaine to undercover cops at least 19 times over the last two years, a Papa John's delivery guy from Brooklyn was finally arrested this week for trying to unload $27,500 worth of the drug along with a large pizza and a box of Papa's Chicken Poppers.