“Everybody’s blowing off work to play golf,” The New York Post reports. Disgraceful. Golf is sooo dumb no offense.

Two Connecticut teenagers were arrested and may be expelled from their high school after allegedly making threats to their peers while wearing Columbine costumes on Halloween.

Kentucky clerk Kim Davis has found a way to have her wedding cake and eat it too: she’s back in the office collecting a paycheck but she won’t be issuing any marriage licenses to gay couples, no siree.

You just found a bag filled with $150,000 in cash, mistakenly left behind by an ATM worker. What do you do? The answer, dear readers who work in law enforcement, is obvious—you turn it in. What do you definitely not do? What this guy did.

Professional franchise stars Chris Evans and Jeremy Renner are two grown men who really should know better.

There's a single N on the board. Might as well start guessing about horses.

They call it "rolling coal" or "hybrid repellent." It is what it sounds like: "pollution porn for dudes with pickup trucks," a setup that costs hundreds or thousands of bucks and gives liberal-hatin' drivers a way to protest Obama by puking clouds of exhaust smoke on little lefties in their lefty cars.

A teenage girl is facing jail time after she shot at a friend wearing a bulletproof vest—and missed.

A Miami teenager's overshare cost her family $80,000 last week after she posted a snarky, bragging Facebook status about a confidential lawsuit settlement agreement.

A Virginia man smuggling a quarter of a million dollars' worth of heroin blew his cover making up the world's dumbest alibi.

Police say that a woman was so desperate to get out of a traffic stop that she called in a fake report of a gunman at a convenience store across the street in the hopes that the police officer who pulled her over would rush to the "scene".

Here's some free advice: If you've been charged with fraud and the judge orders you to submit to fingerprint testing, don't attempt to pay for the test with a stolen credit card.

Attn: Millennials! It is not okay to text during job interviews or bring your cat, you dipshits.

Puns: glaring character flaw, or merry carrying case for guffaws? Pun-scuss (like "discuss" but a pun).

Hope you weren't counting on any fourth-graders to help you decipher next week's episode of The Fairly Odd Parents. These motherfuckers are D-U-M dumb!

"Endurance artist" David Blaine's latest stupid human trick is standing on a platform and getting electrocuted for 72 hours.

In more news that will take the wind out of my father's sails—Congress appears to be getting collectively dumber.

People are always getting upset about things and boycotting products and usually it's very dumb. There are two cases in point today: First, a conservative group wants Ben & Jerry's limited-edition "Schweddy Balls" ice cream boycotted, and then Glenn Beck is against revolutionary jeans.

It must have been a long weekend for Missouri Rep. Billy Long, as he stared at the wall for hours at a time trying to to link the death of Amy Winehouse with our current debt ceiling debacle in 140 characters or less.

Henceforth, P. Diddy will be known as "Swag," according to CNN. Well, for one week only. Of all of Diddy's many name changes, this is the dumbest.