Are you a 25-to-34-year-old male who prefers regular Dr Pepper, but wants fewer calories—and also knows that Diet Dr. Pepper is for queers? Allow us to introduce you to Dr Pepper Ten: ten masculine calories, made outta balls.

The sexual assault on CBS' Lara Logan in Egypt did, indeed, shock the nation. That doesn't mean that the White House should make it a top agenda item.

The internet is in a snit today over a tweet sent by fashion house Kenneth Cole that used the current civil unrest in Egypt (and the #Cairo hashtag) to advertise its new collection. Kenneth Cole is worse than Mubarak! [Updated]

You know why House Democrats despise Senate Democrats? Because they've passed 420 bills that the Senate has ignored. And they're all important: One names a post office for dead actor Jimmy Stewart. Can the Republic survive with such legislation tabled?

Fox News Anchor Greta Van Susteren started a poll on her blog asking if she was dumber than a guy who sent her hate mail. She "won." "havw [sic] some fun!" she wrote today, "the poll was a joke!"

This week, Fox News anchor Greta Van Susteren posted a poll asking who was dumber: She or a guy who sent her hate mail. Since we last checked, those voting "Greta" rose from 58% to 77%. A landslide!

A waitress at a McDonald's in Holland sold a co-worker a hamburger. The co-worker then asked for a slice of cheese in addition. So McDonald's fired the waitress for failing to charge the full price for a cheeseburger.

For 13 years, actor Larry Anderson was the face of Scientology as star of the hilarious 40-minute conversion pic Orientation. Then he got out of the church. But what about the $150,000 he spent on E-meters and Scientology cruises?

From 1966-1989, New York's WPIX broadcast footage of a Yule log burning in a fireplace each Christmas day. Today, a bunch of channels do the same. Now, Gawker is taking the Yule log into the Internet Age. Behold!

We're a Christian nation with a Muslim president who hates Charlie Brown. It's outrageous. The only solution is more outrage, in the form of outrageous right-wing idiot statements. Today's outrage-off: a Jesus-fearing Tennessee mayor vs. Fox News and News Corp.

Incompetent superflack Ronn [sic] Torossian's 5WPR threatens to sue alt-weekly for its cover story on 5W client Cinergy Health; soon afterwards, emails same alt-weekly a press release offering Cinergy's CEO for interviews. Sounds about right. [Houston Press]

Two pieces of incredible breaking news! Alaska Snow Empress Sarah Palin will tape a segment for The Colbert Report, and also she revealed the top-secret location of his upcoming "Persian Gulf" trip, on the Twitter!

The Wrigley Science Institute (as in makers-of-Doublemint) announced that chewing gum makes you smarter.

Your Press Release of the Day adeptly communicates the fact that fine cigars are all about taste. The taste of Monica Lewinsky's pussy, yea!

Oh, to create a musky scent that cries out to the world: "I am from Brooklyn." Bond No. 9 is giving it a shot, with edgy results:

PRWeek got predictions about the election from 30 flacks around the country. One (1) of them predicted a McCain victory. So be sure to hire Nick Kalm of Chicago's Reputation Partners for strategic counsel on how to horribly embarrass yourself in any large, public group! "Regardless of who wins, however, the level of partisan rancor will be so high, it will make people long for the 'good old days' of Bush's second term," he says. Okay, just for that we will print his entire god damn answer below:

"Pole Positioning LLC has created an indoor advertising device to help create brand awareness in a non-traditional manner." Ads on stripper poles. [via Ad Age]

Islam people: they're just like us! They go on Facebook and start groups and then spend hours and hours arguing with each other over bullshit. Except they're arguing about, like, god, instead of The Hills or whatever. You thought that the battle for Arab hearts and minds was playing out in the slums of Iraq? No, it's all about some upper middle class grad student nerd in Egypt talking shit online!

Ruh-roh, Kim Jong-Il is sick, what happens when he dies? Hell if we know!! And will we truly know tomorrow or whenever this guy gets back to the executive assistant charged with Explainer-ing it for Slate? Not really! As literary Tumblrer Keith Gessen pointed out while trying to make sense of the whole Ossetia mess, you know there's a redundant "inadequacy" to the international news in our dying newspapers when even bloggers with the attention spans of Piper Palin feel it. But isn't that because our dying newspapers have mostly killed their foreign bureaus because there's no money in it?Yes! Which is why, as readers, we are happy these guys from Boston have founded the Politico of international news. (It is already poaching people from Politico.) And those newsroom cutbacks may enable Global News Enterprises LLC.* to put together a pretty strong team. From an announcement in March:

Keach Hagey, the short-lived former Village Voice press columnist, is suggesting over on her blog at CBS News that yesterday's video of an average white man being assaulted by a group of black teenage girls on the A train could be a hoax. Why? Because the girl who filmed it was an aspiring filmmaker who claimed, at first, she didn't know the assailants but, right after being interviewed by The Smoking Gun, deleted her YouTube page! Oh, wait. that doesn't mean anything! In related news, Katie Couric's viewership on CBS is down a million viewers over a year ago.