A drunk idiot with a long, cab-related arrest record briefly hijacked a taxi early Saturday, and results were predictable: Police chased him the wrong way down a one-way street and he crashed into a utility pole. [NYDN]

The Tea Party is pulling out the big guns in its fight against slimy teachers and other unionized workers in Wisconsin today, with a rally planned at the state capitol featuring speakers such as Andrew Breitbart and Joe the Plumber. The details:

If you were filming your badass self driving 140 miles per hour and you got pulled over by police, wouldn't you maybe try to hide the video camera, or at least the tape? Stanislav Bakanov didn't care when he was pulled over for doing 118 mph in Oregon while filming a video to show off on YouTube:

Las Vegas police on Wednesday arrested 29-year-old Anthony Carleo for allegedly robbing the Bellagio Casino for $1.5 million in chips, while brandishing a pistol and wearing a motorcycle helmet. Carleo was busted after bragging about the robbery on the internet.

Two Brooklyn and Long Island drug crews probably thought they had one-upped each other in a deal last month when the Brooklyn guys sold the Long Island guys crushed-up sheetrock as cocaine for $16,000 in counterfeit bills. What dumbasses.

Police in Britain released this video of idiot teenagers car surfing in West Sussex, which resulted in driving bans for two people. In the video kids take turns flying around a parking lot, but they don't even do it right.

On Christmas Day, a Chicago cab driver picked up 25-year-old Joseph Hoffman. When they arrived at Hoffman's destination, he was passed out cold. The driver eventually called police, who found a mobile meth lab and other drugs worth $450,000.

Gun-totin' Texas governor Rick Perry is taking on the hippies in California with his brand of fast talkin', straight shootin' politics. He hopes to crush their dreams of a pollution-free utopian society by suing the Environmental Protection Agency.

69-year-old John Stolarz was released from federal prison on Wednesday after serving 22 years for robbing banks. Yesterday, Stolarz tried to rob a midtown Manhattan bank with a knife. It didn't work out so well.

Attention heroin smugglers: Most large airports, like JFK, have drug sniffer dogs. Crazy, right?

A 25-year-old "habitual felon" and convict named Eric Chambers has been charged for trying to sneak a Samsung cell phone into a prison in North Carolina. He twice set off metal detectors before police found a phone in his ass.

Here we have a video of a young (probably suburban) man wielding an AK-47, gangsta style: "AK fo-ty se-ben... something something bitch ass something... shut yo muthafuckin' mouth up something something [bang! bang! bang!] Oh my god. Oh fuck."

Luther Campbell, of the once-controversial rap group 2 Live Crew, has some deep thoughts on the "Ground Zero Mosque" he would like to share with everyone in his latest Miami New Times column. He even Googled Islam!

A Malaysian man, Keng Liang Wong, was arrested this week after his luggage burst open on a conveyor belt at the Kuala Lumpur airport, exposing 95 endangered boa constrictors. Wong has previously served time in the US for smuggling animals.

Police in Holyoke, Massachusetts arrested a man this week for receiving $100,000 worth of cocaine in the mail that was hidden inside a chunk of bologna, after being tipped off by authorities in Puerto Rico. Who mailorders bologna, anyway?

24-year-old Efraim E. Diveroli, who scored a $300 million weapons deal with the Pentagon for Afghanistan in 2007 and was eventually charged with ripping them off, is at it again, trying to purchase guns for "resale in the Miami area."

Here's a scenario: You're wanted on two active assault warrants, and you've got 19 bags of weed in your pocket that you're looking to sell. Want some advice? Don't show up to a courthouse with either of these.

Some idiot lit a match on an LA-bound American Airlines flight, which was then diverted to New Mexico.

Daniel Cowart, a 21-year-old white supremacist who was convicted of planning to assassinate Barack Obama, has asked a court to alter two Nazi tattoos before he is sent to federal prison. Apparently his personal convictions aren't so strong.

People trying to smuggle contraband into jail should do some research before bringing goodies in. The Butt Smuggler failed. The prosthetic leg guy did, too. And a Florida man was just caught with "blue prescription pills" attached to his penis.