As my colleague Cord Jefferson notes, the 2012 election returns have been widely interpreted as the ratification of an ethno-political realignment that first occurred in 2008: Black, Latino, and Asian voters are firmly in the Democratic column, and they will remain so in ever greater numbers. The white population is shrinking relative to its brown counterparts, and demography is destiny. Brown people are Democrats, white people are Republicans, and brown people are having more babies. Good luck, GOP!

In the run-up to, and immediate aftermath of, every presidential election there will be those who say they are moving to [insert foreign country here] if their candidate's main challenger wins.

Conservatives everywhere are still scratching themselves trying to figure out how a website called UnSkewedPolls could possibly have skewed them wrong.

Last night, campaign consultant Dan Levitan invented a new game on Twitter: Drunk Nate Silver, in which we imagine the things America's favorite statistical wizard might do when he's drunk. It's the funniest thing on Twitter right now.

Comedian Roseanne Barr came in 5th in the presidential race Tuesday. She tweeted Obama congrats, though. Flip-flopper.

For a few brief, terrible moments, Mitt Romney was President-Elect.

There is a particular type of white person who startles easily, like a sensitive, inbred racehorse or a motherless baby bird. As you might imagine, this has not been an easy week for them. What do they fear? Everything, mostly. Religions that are very similar but not identical to their own. Loud voices and bold fonts. Multi-book series that are not trilogies. More specifically, they fear what will happen to this most American of the Americas during another four years of an Obama presidency.

Obama was re-elected and Nebraskan "news junkie" Shelly Dankert, a self-described "conservative pro-Palin YouTuber," is pissed.

"It makes me wonder who my fellow citizens are. I've got to be honest, I feel like I've lost touch with what the identity of America is right now. I really do." —Boston Republican voter Marianne Doherty, on her feelings following Obama's reelection.

Below is a brief but shockingly accurate dramatic reenactment of what you will see in the video above, from last night's campaign coverage:

So hey, Washington and Colorado legalized weed yesterday, which is AWESOME and makes me want to smoke a bowl and listen to My Bloody Valentine while naked.

Janna Ryan's husband Paul didn't get the big promotion he was after last night, and boy did it show on her face; she looked like the most miserable person in the world when she went up to hug Ann and Mitt on stage after Romney conceded the race.

Following President Obama's re-election last night, rational people (conservative and liberal alike) continued on with their lives, business as usual. But in Mississippi, this was not to be.

Mindy Meyer, the Flatbush law student with the very pink Web site will not, for now, be a New York State Senator. In yesterday's election, the 22-year-old with dashed pink-elephant toenail dreams received only 2.86% percent of the vote in her home Brooklyn district against incumbent Kevin Parker. Sad to report, but your parking tickets will not be pink anytime soon.

Did you know President Obama was going to win last night? If you read Nate Silver, the New York Times political blogger and statistical geek, you did. If you don't read Silver, though, you're probably wondering who the hell he is and why everyone is talking about him. Don't worry. We're here to help.

While most of us are celebrating Mitt Romney's defeat in the streets by legally smoking marijuana and gay-marrying randomly-chosen passers-by, not everyone is quite so happy. And thanks to Twitter, we know about it. Vibrating bologna loaf Donald Trump, mistakenly believing that Romney won the popular vote, is calling for "revolution," — revolution! — while former SNL actress Victoria Jackson is sobbing and telling Christians that they "disgust" her. We've saved all of their most embarrassing (some already deleted) Tweets here:

Janna Ryan's husband Paul didn't get the big promotion he was after last night, and boy did it show on her face; she looked like the most miserable person in the world when she went up to hug Ann and Mitt on stage after Romney conceded the race. More »

Tonight, on television: the season finale of American Politics. After millions of years of campaigning, human president Barack Obama and liquid-metal terminator Mitt Romney will meet on the Sacred Plains for the mythical and deadly Dance of Swords, the traditional choosing ceremony for our people. Who will win their bloody game? Who will retain control the Senate? Will Chris Christie finally attract the attention of his crush Bruce Springsteen? Will top CNN analyst The Will.i.am Hologram seize return to prophesy the birth of a God-Emperor whose reign will surpass a thousand years? Crack election experts "the staff of Gawker.com" will be here to "live-blog" the results as those questions — and more! — are answered. Join us!

Kick off your finest shoes, walk to the nearest hospital, then stand there waving the American flag and repeating your vote until it is counted — the polls have already started closing in some states!

When I tell people my father is a black Republican, many of them look at me curiously, as if I've just told them I was raised by mermaids. I assume they're surprised not only because much of my personal politics sit decidedly left of center, but also because black Republicans, who made up only 2 percent of the delegation at this year's Republican National Convention, have become somewhat of an urban legend, a phenomenon you might hear about on the news from time to time but will never encounter yourself in real life. On top of their rarity, America's black Republicans must also contend with the fact that some of their most notable comrades come off as either unserious or downright unhinged. For every levelheaded Colin Powell in the public eye, there is a man like Herman Cain, whose bid for the GOP's presidential nomination earlier this year was more circus sideshow than political campaign.