Okay, nasty confession: I used to love the Metropolitan Diary that runs weekly in the Times Metro section. It was a little slice of an imaginary New York that never existed. There were no electrified Con Ed gratings, no J-Date date rapists, no Conde Nast bitchery, no New York magazine. It was a land where kindly elderly women, always on the cross-town bus, met charming young men from Princeton who made witty ironic remarks. (Once I tried to find this Manhattan, figuring some portal existed near the meat counter in Zabar's, but no dice.) But the Diary changed editors and it's gotten all hipped up, and now it kind of sucks. Today George Mannes at The Black Table brings back a little of the magic with some rejected submissions.
The Circular File at the Metropolitan Diary [Black Table]

Blogger Andrew Krucoff interviews Spin's Chuck Klosterman over at Gothamist's new Young Manhattanite interview project. Since Klosterman basically just moved here from the middle of nowhere, we're not gonna harsh on him. Poor schmuck.

When the Janet Jackson book gets written — and you know someone is pitching someone something right now — at least the index is already completed. Banterist's Brian Sack itemizes:

· Among the Sex and The City endings: Samantha gets prudish. (According to some, the four SaTC endings were filmed not just for secrecy, but for focus group review too.) [NYP]
· Ivana Trump flies Jet Blue? [NYP]
· Andrew Cuomo: single and loving it in new bachelor pad. [NYM]
· Old gossip: While Spencer Tracey was sleeping with Nancy Reagan (nee Davis), Katharine Hepburn was getting down with Judy Garland. [NYDN]

Whenever your brother is on trial for molesting children, it's a great idea to keep the family in the news by secretly planning to have Justin Timberlake rip off your clothes for the Superbowl's 80+ million viewers.
Tit's All For You [Vivid Blurry (Obviously Not Safe For Work)]
Outrage at CBS After Janet Bares Breast During Dinner Hour [Drudge]
MTV disclaims incident... [Yahoo Press Releases]

I'm still wondering what wackiness Bill Murray will pull out for his Oscar speech after the weirdness of his Golden Globes speech. (Given, you know, that he wins and all.) If he's anything like most of us, it'll sound like this kid's "fuck you all" Oscar dream speech. (Audio not safe for work in the slightest.)
Oscar Acceptance Speech [Rated Rookie]

I love it when people send me jokes — jokes, I should add, that surely have no basis in reality, even if they do match up perfectly with recent Page Six blind items. Take this joke I was emailed last night: "Why did Cynthia Nixon leave the father of her two children for a woman?"

Last night's Golden Globes was, of course, all about comparing Hollywood's racks. The bloggers at Amy's Robot have a fantastic pictorial roundup of last night's "breast" appearances. Amy and her posse actually watched the freakshow, and note: "Can you EVEN BELIEVE they made Nicole introduce the nominees for Best Actor?? SHE'S SLEPT WITH ALL OF THEM!! Tom, Russell, and Jude have all given in to the temptation of her side cleavage. And the maniacal grin on Tom's face through that torture! He must have had the Scientology Brain-Wash-O-Tron turned up to 11 during that whole mess."
Night of the "Golden Globes"...if you catch my meaning... [Amy's Robot, via Chicha]

Miramax head Harvey Weinstein is showing his true octopus nature — he's got his tentacles in everything. According to Jacob Bernstein, if you're writing about Harvey, he'll come at you with a book deal on another topic. Or, more likely, a lawyer. Or even better, a mole, who'll pose as a source, take "copious notes" on your book about Harvey, and take them straight back to Jabba in the Miramax lair.

Internet gossip Matt Drudge and techno tea-maker Moby are bitching each other out in print now; the fight started when Drudge Report printed Margaret Cho jokes "out of context," which netted her a slew of hate mail.

Us Weekly — and now People is backing them up — say that Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck have split.

We always knew Vincent Gallo was a Republican, but we never really got why. According to the Observer, "he thinks politicians spend too much time pandering to special interests like 'the gays, the AARP, handicapped groups.' When he gets going on the media s anti-Republican bias, as he did the other night, Mr. Gallo sounds like a regular Bill O Reilly."

There are oodles more fake (and potentially not fake) wishlists on Amazon not included on this morning's list, including: Wil Wheaton, Charlize Theron, and, of course, Harvey Weinstein.

This is a lovely story of an unreasonable landlord, a mysterious beauty queen, and the changing times downtown. A reader writes: "I've walked by this storefront hundreds of times over the years. It's changed owners and names but one thing that hasn't changed is the oversized, full color, blowup of 'Miss New York.'

Spoofing Amazon wishlists, like Friendster profiles, is by now an ages-old tradition. And then, sprinkled among the jokes, it looks like even real celebrities (or semi-celebrities) want gifts too. In true psychotic fashion, an anonymous source has been accumulating these wishlists for a while now. Click "more" for the whole list.

Trevor Thompson, internet ad salesman, does career day at a public school in Queens and enters a shame spiral of compulsive lying.

In honor of Post's Page Six king Richard Johnson's birthday, I think we should all have a 50% more scurrilous and gossipy day. We all have a little filter in our head that asks: "Should I really repeat that piece of pseudo-information, even though I have no idea if it's true and/or legally actionable?" Today you must discard that filter. Stop caring. Do it for Richard!
[Photo: Richard Johnson being snuggled up to by Gotham publisher Jason Binn.]

We could care about politics — is NYC still part of America? — but in case you're voting this year from below the belt, you may find these pictures of candidate Howard Dean politically persuasive. (Our Dean source did not comment on the authenticity of the photos, but we don't really care about that sort of thing.)
[Dean photos via Wave Slave Journal]

· Prince percussionist Sheila E. is Simple Life star Nicole Richie's aunt. Evidently Nicole is actually the biological daughter of Peter Michael Escovedo III, who was Lionel Richie's drummer. My head just exploded. I'm taking to my bed. [NYDN (fifth item)]
· Britney Spears stoned over upcoming tour; Jessica Simpson flak denies pregnancy. [The Scoop]
· Missing actor Spalding Gray's family is pissed that the Times printed their address. [NYP]
· J.Lo and P.Diddy meet in Miami, tear up issues of In Touch and Us Weekly. [NYDN]
· NYT "public editor" Dan Okrent has lunch with HarperCollins. Oh God no. Not a book. Please. [NYP]
· Bill Murray: "People who want to be rich and famous should try rich first because fame is a 24-hour job." [Cindy Adams]

You're as shocked as we are: Rosie O'Donnell's musical "Taboo" will close on Broadway. Reportedly, a confusing storyline about AIDS, drag queens, and drugs caused the musical to lose $200,000 a week. Strange — that equation added up to huge money for the equally crappy musical Rent.
'Taboo' to Close Next Month, at a Loss for Rosie O'Donnell [NYT]