In your icy Monday media column: Fox News anonymice reveal obvious scandals, turmoil at Essence, Bernie Sanders is moved to insanity by Keith Olbermann, Peter Chernin's big plans, and Euna Lee says she considered suicide in prison.

An Italian court convicted Amanda Knox for murdering her study abroad roommate; four American teens have been arrested for a roadside prank that turned near-fatal in Japan. America, it's time to stop screwing up on foreign soil. Here's how.

Why, oh, why did Newsweek allow Bill Clinton to contribute to a feature called The Decade's Happiest Endings?

• George Stephanopoulos will probably replace Diane Sawyer on GMA. [TDB]
• Now that Bloomberg LP is talking over BusinessWeek, columnists Maria Bartiromo and Jack Welch are both parting ways with the mag. [NYP]
• CNN is laying off four of its web anchors since it no longer plans to produce live video on CNN.com. The good news? With Lou Dobbs no longer on the payroll, it should save $9 million over the next few years. [NYT, [NYP]
• Euna Lee, one of the two CurrentTV reporters who was imprisoned in North Korea earlier this year, has scored herself a six-figure book deal. [NYT]
• Shares of Playboy jumped yesterday after it was reported the apparel conglomerate Iconix was in talks to acquire the (struggling) company. [NYP]
• Another senior Observer editor is bidding goodbye to the paper. [Politico]
• Fashion mags are expecting their fortunes to improve in 2010. [WWD]
• Is the Fox Business Channel a lost cause at this point? [VF]
• Television is more getting more and more obscene, supposedly. [NYT]

Imprisoned journalists Laura Ling and Euna Lee were freed from North Korea's clutches in August. One week later, Ling—the more telegenic one, with the famous sister—was shopping a book. But Euna Lee beat her to a book deal!

Tila Tequila's crazy domestic abuse squabble: drank and puked out by the D.A., while Anna Wintour gets stalked by teenage crazies. Mischa Barton channels Marissa Cooper. Mayor Bloomberg might know about Lady Gaga's peener. Presenting: your Saturday Morning Gossip Roundup.

• Charlie Gibson is retiring as anchor of ABC's World News Tonight at the end of the year; he'll be replaced by Diane Sawyer, who is stepping down as anchor of Good Morning America to take the job. And now Brian Williams will soon be the only man anchoring a nightly network newscast. [NYP]
• The 66th installment of the Venice Film Festival kicked off today. [THR]
• Thanks to the success of Royal Pains and Burn Notice, USA has scored the highest summer ratings in the history of cable television. [B&C]
• Current TV's Laura Ling and Euna Lee have broken their silence and are now describing some of what happened when they were captured in North Korea. Not all it, though. You'll have to buy their book to read the rest. [LAT]
• Is Jared Kushner looking to unload the Observer? That's the rumor. [Gawker]

Now that they're safely back in the United States formerly imprisoned journalists Laura Ling and Euna Lee are free to spill the beans on their harrowing North Korean adventure. But mostly just justify their mission and assert their innocence.

Current TV journalists Laura Ling and Euna Lee automatically became heroes after being snatched up by the North Korean government, because that's just how things work, in America. But some activists overseas think the women hurt more than they helped.

Now-famous recently freed Current TV journalist Laura Ling and her already-famous-before sister Lisa Ling—who you know from your television set—have reportedly landed a book deal! Like we said, being kidnapped is the career move of a lifetime.

Laura Ling and Euna Lee, freed from North Korea. David Rohde escaped from the Taliban. Kidnapping is a constant danger to journalists—and an awesome career opportunity! Here's how to take advantage of the scarynewsiest moment of your life.

Current TV journalist Laura Ling did actually momentarily, for a second, "very, very briefly" cross into North Korean territory before she was arrested there last March, her sister said. Kim Jong-Il was right! Let's go to the official record.

Bill Clinton gallantly flew to North Korea to rescue Current TV's Euna Lee and Laura Ling from Kim Il Jong's clutches. Who paid for the flight? Clinton's extremely fertile wingman, Steve Bing, the Associated Press reports.

It's truly heartening to see Laura Ling and Euna Lee back safely on American soil. But the questions about the Current TV journalists will soon turn beyond the sentimental now that they're out of harm's way. What, exactly, happened?

• NBC is pulling out all the stops to promote Jay Leno's new show. Don't believe it? Try this out for size: "In early September, NBC will even adopt a portion of Interstate 10 in California to reiterate Mr. Leno's time slot." [NYT]
• Notwithstanding the Leno blitz, NBC is still looking to cut its budget. [NYT]
• No one cares about CNBC these days, in case you haven't noticed. [Slate]
• More on troubles at Condé Nast (revenues may fall by as much as $350 million this year), and the recent round of receptionist-purging. [NYP, NYO]
• The lobbyist scandal goes on. A couple of days after it was revealed that MSNBC's Richard Wolffe is now working for a lobbying firm comes the news that CNN's Bill Schneider has signed up with a D.C. think tank. [HuffPo]
• Related: Wolffe has another Obama-related book in the works. [TNR]
• Experts say the prognosis for BusinessWeek is not good. [DailyFinance]
• As you might expect, the mood has been very upbeat at CurrentTV today now that Laura Ling and Euna Lee have returned from North Korea. [NYT]

Laura Ling and Euna Lee are safely back on American soil in Burbank, California. After the jump, Lee reunites with her daughter, and Ling talks about the emotional end of the Current TV journalists captivity in North Korea.

Bill Clinton went on over to North Korea, met the crazy dictator there, and won: North Korea has pardoned Current TV reporters Laura Ling and Euna Lee for their slanders and calumnies.

Bill Clinton came through. Last night the former president jetted off to North Korea to negotiate the releases of Laura Ling and Euna Lee, the two journalists who have been imprisoned since March after they were accused of crossing over into North Korean territory without permission. Now they'll be going home. Kim Jong-Il has issued a "special pardon" and agreed to release them. [Reuters]

Remember Laura Ling and Euna Lee, the journalists for Al Gore's Current.TV locked up in a North Korean prison for crossing that country's border? Well, since Gore and Hillary haven't been successful securing their release, they're sending in The Closer.

Current TV journalist Euna Lee—currently imprisoned in North Korea—summoned the Swedish ambassador to pass on a message to her husband: He must make sure he sent in their daughter's summer school registration form. *Tear.* [via BayNewser]