During all previous recorded human history, small butts on women were preferred. But now people prefer larger butts on women, according to the crack buttock analysts at the New York Daily News. Again: fat-bottomed girls are attractive, which is new.

In your melting Monday media column: perversity finds its way into the Grey Lady, fake NYT trend story may be fake, Katie Couric could return to CBS, and David Carey leaves Conde Nast.

Growing up these days is no walk in the idealized child-friendly park. Kids face a variety of trend-based obstacles, from rubber-band bracelets to sexxxting. And crappy childhoods are now more expensive than ever!

The poor petless people who go to the city's dog runs to ogle other people's dogs (hence "dogle") are pretty sad. They're like old men in trenchcoats fondling themselves by a playground. It's just... Aw! Puppy! What were we saying?

When you go to work out should you be all focused and intense and hardcore, or should you just be flipping through some magazine on the elliptical, while sexting? Well, look at it this way: Do you want to die?

Americans: Why are we so nasty? Appliance scientists (appliantists) say that our average countrymen only clean their refrigerators once or twice a year—which is once or twice more than you do. We just don't know what we're doing, fridge-wise.

We all know that New York Times fake trend stories are annoying because they are 1) fake, and 2) trend stories. But do not neglect their third worst quality: many are terribly written. Allow us to show you.

If you want to write an article that gets the people talking, one good way is to just start classifying women in random groups, related to age and hot sexxx. Hot sexxxy cheetah ladies cannot resist this delicious media bait!

Hello, the very latest made-up trend you must know about unless you are some sort of plebe is the simple fact that Midtown is back. According to everybody.

Vanity Fair editor Graydon Carter tells the New York Observer that Midtown is back. You know who agrees with him? Catherine Malandrino, and restaurateur Gherardo Guarducci, and Waris Ahluwalia, "the turbaned jewelry designer and fixture in Wes Anderson films," and nightlife photographer Patrick McMullan, and socialite Ann Dexter-Jones, and socialite Bettina Zilkha, and socialite Lisa Anastos, and socialite Derek Blasberg, and fashion designer Prabal Gurung, and Le Caprice owner Richard Caring, and designer Devi Kroell, and gallery owner Neal Grayson.

Have you heard that some whiny men are now asking/demanding that their wives-to-be give them a "man-gagement" ring before getting married? According to a poll conducted by Brides.com (which may or may not have been funded by the jewelry industry), 45 percent of women said they'd consider buying their fiancé an engagement band. Really? Well, at least they'll both have something to take to the pawn shop when they split up! [NYDN, ABC News]

All you do is take some element of popular culture, like a popular television show, and then ask, provocatively: Is society itself changing in response to this pop culture thing? Today: Glee makes chorus groups "cool" again.

Here is how fake trends turn into troubling fake trends: Wooed into masculine complacency by male body lotion ads, men become metrotextual and start signing their text messages with "Kisses." Next thing you know, grandpa's sexting.

Matt Harvey reminds hysterical trend story writers: Heroin has always been, and always shall be.

Those fish pedicures that no one was actually getting, but which managed to generate loads of press nonetheless? State Senator Jeffrey Klein of the Bronx announced yesterday that he plans to introduce legislation to ban the "treatment," since "you can't sanitize fish" and it's "dangerous and clearly unsanitary."

"Professional comedians find camaraderie and economic relief in an unlikely Queens neighborhood." Is Astoria really an "unlikely" Queens neighborhood, for white comedians? No. It's the most likely. Hollis would be unlikely. Every Allen Salkin story makes me so mad. [NYT]

Parenthood these days: It is full of challenges, or so we hear! As a parent, will you be able to successfully continue jogging? And what about your tennis game, and the peer pressure that goes with it? Parenting is hard!

A politician shouted during Obama's speech. A tennis player yelled at a line judge. A rapper grabbed a mic during an awards show. All in the same week. You know what this means: A fake trend is sweeping America.

A New York Times columnist last week wrote that Facebook was almost dead after a user "exodus." Just six months earlier, though, she wrote that Facebook showcased a "perfect" cultural vitality. And she cited the same source.

Is it possible to spin a fabricated trend story with a local angle out of the fact that Jayson Blair is now a life coach in Northern Virginia? The Washington Post found a way!

Things that would otherwise be boring are in fact not boring—and worthy of extended commentary by the New York Times—if they happen in The Hamptons. In The Hamptons, everything is consequential. In The Hamptons, they wear various t-shirts.