Sienna and Jude's balls: Barbados-bound. Together they'll make domestic reconciliation layer cake. Lady Gagadong's moneyballs will drop on New Years. William Hurt is your new existential bicycle. Gene Simmons is still trying to rock. Presenting your Saturday Morning Gossip Roundup:

A pregnant Padma Lakshmi withdrawing cash from an ATM ... Nicole Kidman leaving her apartment building in the West Village ... Penelope Cruz and Javier Bardem arriving at JFK ... Kelly Bensimon shopping at Whole Foods ... Keri Russell talking on her cell phone ... Hugh Jackman picking up daughter Ava from school ... Catherine Zeta-Jones exiting her apartment building on Central Park West ... Josh Duhamel and Fergie walking around SoHo ... Rachel McAdams getting out of a car in front of ABC studios ... Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz leaving Bloomingdale's with their son Bronx ... Sarah Jessica Parker walking in the Village ... and Bethenny Frankel walking her dog in Midtown.

Mary-Kate Olsen walking downtown with her mom after a little shopping expedition ... "Advice columnist" Ashley Dupre going into an office building near Gramercy Park with an unidentified man ... Amanda Seyfried carrying a handful of holiday gifts in the East Village ... Michelle Williams crossing the street with her daughter Matilda ... Hugh Jackman leaving his apartment building ... Matthew Broderick walking with son James in the Village ... Fergie leaving ABC studios ... Sarah Jessica Parker leaving a hair salon in the meatpacking district ... Tracy Morgan filming scenes for 30 Rock in the West Village ... and Rihanna shopping with one of her friends.

While Anderson Cooper was guest hosting Live with Regis and Kelly, Ripa said, "Anderson was just saying to me, 'I hope I come out.'" Whoa, that can't be true. Anderson loves his closet something fierce!

Take that, Fergie, this lil' guy is gonna make you love drunk on his cuteness!

• Lindsay Lohan landed in India yesterday where she's taking part in a BBC documentary on child sex trafficking. And she's already making a difference! Just hours after landing, she hopped on Twitter to proclaim that "over 40 children" have been "saved so far." What she did to save these kids isn't clear (especially when she could use some saving herself), but why quibble over details? [Us]
• In other (and more dubious) LiLo news, the Daily News reports that Lohan has a new man: "Lindsay Lohan is covering all her bases before she ships off to India—and that includes kissing several boys goodbye." Given she's already left the country, you may want to ignore what follows from there, but the guy she's supposedly seeing is Adam Senn, the model and bad boy from first season of The City, who met LiLo during Fashion Week and is someone Senn is hoping to "get to know even better." [NYDN]
• Have Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel broken up? Who knows, but he was supposedly seen flirting with a bunch of women the other night. [P6]
• Today in Tiger: The number of women Woods has been cheating with hit 13 yesterday afternoon, just as racy text messages that Tiger sent Jaimee Grubbs and Rachel Uchitel surfaced. In other Tiger mistress news, a video featuring porn star Holly Sampson bragging about having sex with Tiger Woods also turned up yesterday. And Uchitel is supposedly planning to get tested for STDs now that she's found out how many women Tiger has been hooking up with.

New photos suggest the White House party crashers were seasoned social climbers and chronic liars; Reese and Jake deny a break-up rumor; Tila Tequila's "energy secret" is not an illegal substance. Monday gossip, here we come.

Ashley Greene leaving The Box last night with Kings of Leon bassist Jared Followill ... Robert Pattinson out and about in the meatpacking district ... John Mayer getting out of an SUV in Times Square ... Brooke Shields shopping in SoHo ... Julian Lennon walking in Midtown with a friend ... Ed Westwick shooting scenes for Gossip Girl on Central Park West ... Cyndi Lauper exiting Roseland Ballroom through the back door ... Anderson Cooper leaving the Ralph Lauren store on his bike ... Taylor Lautner shopping at Calvin Klein ... Josh Duhamel on the set of The Romantics ... Fergie leaving her hotel ... Katie Holmes leaving a Starbucks on Long Island ... and Kim Kardashian shopping with her mom, Kris Jenner.

Supermodel Karolina Kurkova and fiance Archie Drury walking in Tribeca with their new baby ... Daniel Day-Lewis leaving the Plaza Hotel ... Uma Thurman walking her dogs downtown ... Halle Berry leaving Morandi after having lunch ... Elijah Wood carrying lunch on the set of The Romantics on Long Island ... Sandra Bullock walking into her hotel ... Fergie leaving her hotel ... Hugh Jackman jogging downtown and later taking daughter Ava for ice cream ... Taylor Momsen filming scenes for Gossip Girl with Chace Crawford ... Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban holding hands outside their apartment building ... Heidi Montag leaving the Waverly Inn.... and Maria Menounos riding in a pedicab in Midtown because she supposedly couldn't find a cab.

So, here at SNL Digest, we're trying to have a hopeful, kind conversation about a show—and a tradition—we hold dear, the slope of its decline regardless. But last night's January Jones episode? One word: disaster. How disaster-y?

• Did you catch dethroned beauty queen Carrie Prejean's hissy fit on Larry King Live last night? It was awkward TV at its finest. [TMZ, YouTube]
• Mike Tyson had a meltdown of his own yesterday. When a paparazzo got a little too close for comfort at LAX, Tyson dropped the photog to the floor with one punch to the face. Both men were later arrested. [LAT, NYDN]
• The latest recorded phone call courtesy of Michael Lohan has Dina Lohan telling her ex that "time is running out" for Lindsay and she's started drinking again. As for how LiLo feels about having her dad air the family's dirty laundry: "My father knows nothing other than now to sell stories for money instead of getting a real job like normal people do, including myself." Lindsay is a normal person with a real job? Who'd have guessed? [Radar, MSNBC]
• Marc Jacobs and Lorenzo Martone were supposed to get married over the summer. But it never happened and now Martone says the couple's decided to wait until after the holidays to tie the knot. "Who wants to get married during a busy season like this? I don't want my friends having to use their lunch break to get me gifts." How thoughtful! [P6]

• Was Lindsay Lohan dating Heath Ledger at the time of his death? That was what came out yesterday when the latest clip from Michael Lohan's vast archive of recorded phone conversations was posted online. (Dina Lohan can be heard expressing concern that Lindsay was headed down the same path.) On tap for today? A call between Dina and Michael in which she tells her ex-husband that Lindsay has been cutting herself. [NYDN, NYP, Radar]
• Alleged David Letterman extortionist Robert "Joe" Halderman appeared in court yesterday where his lawyer asked a judge to drop all the charges against the former news producer. The reason? Halderman's $2 million demand wasn't blackmail, silly. It was a legitimate business proposal in which Letterman could have first dibs on his screenplay, naturally. [NYP, NYDN, TMZ]
• Rihanna says she put on the tightest dress she could find to pick up Glamour's Woman of the Year award on Monday night at Carnegie Hall. She also spent $50,000 flying in her mom, aunts and brothers from Barbados to join her at the event. One person who was missing from the festivities: Her dad, who RiRi recently said abused her mom while growing up. [P6, NYDN]

Dina Lohan says Lindsay and Heath were dating at the time of his death, Jacko's funeral cost $1 million, Fergie didn't know what "cheating" meant until her therapist told her. Come, drink the sweet nectars of Wednesday gossip.

• The Lohan family drama goes on. Another recorded phone call has been released and this one features Dina Lohan telling Lindsay's father Michael that their daughter once punched her and kicked her out of the car. Naturally, LiLo quickly responded on Twitter and called her father a whole bunch of names. And now Papa Lohan has countered by promising to release even more tapes in the days to come. So, no, this saga is not even close to over. [P6, People]
• Alec Baldwin says he has "a great ass." Please make a note of it. [Us]
• Paul Johnson-Calderon, the bow tie-wearing social gay set to appear on Tinsley Mortimer's upcoming reality show, is in trouble again. He was caught on tape snatching purses on the LES earlier this year; now he's been caught on camera vandalizing a friend's Union Square apartment building. Calderon's defense? "It's not like rock stars don't vandalize hotel rooms and such all the time." Yes, but you're not a rock star, buddy. [P6]

Mario Lopez, Jennifer Love Hewitt, and Fergie, Oh My! Can't you just feel the mortification oozing from your computer screen?

• Madonna is reportedly "taking a more active role" in promoting boy toy Jesus Luz's career. She turned up to hear him spin at the Valentino party the other night, danced with "some hot fashion guys," mingled for a little, and then they left together. But that doesn't mean she's offered to do a song with him. "There are steps!" he said. "You can't just start out and collaborate with Madonna." He also says that he always plays her stuff because, you know, "It's great." [P6, NYDN]
• After Michael Lohan released a sob-filled phone call from Lindsay yesterday, she Twittered that her dad is "such a loser"; "those recordings are from years ago"; and "he needs the book for dummies on how to be a man." She also indicted she may ask her lawyer to file a restraining order against her dad and/or sue him. So, no hopes for a reconciliation just yet then? [TMZ, NYP, Us]
• Making matters worse, there is now another recording of LiLo chatting with her mother that's been released. [Radar Online]
• Mariah Carey said she'd been a victim of emotional and mental abuse on Larry King Live last night: "To really get out, it was difficult because there was a connection that was not only a marriage but a business thing, where the person was in control of my life." Tommy Mottola, anyone? [CNN, People]

David Bowie walking in SoHo ... Jude Law playing soccer with his kids downtown ... Halle Berry arriving at her hotel in Midtown ... Helena Christensen shopping in the meatpacking district with boyfriend Paul Banks ... Natalie Portman going to lunch with a friend ... Rihanna walking downtown ... Sienna Miller arriving for a matinee performance of After Miss Julie ... Hugh Jackman playing with his kids at the park ... Carlos Leon and daughter Lourdes hanging out in SoHo ... Michelle Williams walking around ... Josh Brolin leaving his hotel ... model Kara Young walking with her son downtown ... Carrie Underwood walking in Midtown ... and Fergie catching a flight at LaGuardia.

• In a new interview, embattled restaurateur Giuseppe Cipriani says he has no plans to return to NYC anytime soon since he's convinced he'll be arrested if he does. He's also convinced that his problems stem from going up against Roland Betts, the co-founder of Chelsea Piers and one of George Bush's oldest friends and who, Cipriani suggests, set out to destroy him. [P6, VF]
• He may have been mayor for eight years, but Rudy Giuliani was reportedly bounced from the prime Yankees seats next to the team's dugout for game one of the World Series because Michelle Obama was in town and the White House didn't want them sitting together. [P6]
• Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie took their older kids trick-or-treating, and one child even appeared to be in a "store-bought costume." Hopefully, Angie will take the time to sit down at her sewing machine next year. [Us]
• Fame-obsessed father Jon Gosselin thinks he's simply "misunderstood." In a public forum last night with his new BF, fame-obsessed rabbi Schmuley Boteach, Gosselin announced, "I'm not a fame seeker." Then he announced he planned to "privately" apologize to his ex-wife and said that he and girlfriend Hailey Glassman haven't broken up, they're just on a break. [People, Us]

• Producers of Tinsley Mortimer's upcoming reality show have been looking to add more drama by staging catfights between her friends and sister and having her chase men who are really just actors. At least the producers have solved their other problem and found a few "friends" willing to appear on camera. Regulars will include Hannah Bronfman (the party-loving daughter of Edgar Jr.) and Paul Johnson-Calderon (the guy who was caught stealing purses last spring). Interesting. [P6]
• Anderson Cooper has been vacationing in India with man-friend Benjamin Maisani. And it sounds like they're having quite the time: "Cooper's $3,200-a-night room features a four-poster mahogany bed and views of the gardens of the former Maharaja palace." Oh, and this: "Anderson's room has a large round bathtub. On the first night it was filled with bubbles and sprinkled with red rose petals." How romantic. [P6]
• Madonna visited the Malawi orphanage where she adopted her son David and one of the orphans approached her and told her, "You are our god." Not surprisingly, Madonna "seemed cool with it." [Us]

So here's how Perez Hilton's weekend ended: The gossip blogger ended up punched in the face and bleeding outside a Toronto club around 3 a.m., after calling singer Will.I.Am a "gay... fag." So much for a new, nicer Hilton.