Fergalicious fergity-ferg Fergie gave birth to her first child with husband Josh Duhamel on Thursday: a healthy baby boy. And when Fergie looked down at the tiny new life she had brought into the world—the perfect, squirming human who would, from now until forever, fill her days with joy and anxiety and excitement and fear and pride and peace and warmth, most of all warmth, simply by being alive—she thought "This baby reminds me of car parts!" and named him Axl Jack Duhamel.

"Her hump, her hump, her lovely lady lump: Fergie is pregnant with her first child;" or, when comedy and news collide.

Scotty McCreery misses his cue. Brad Pitt wasn't always a tragically overweight, dumpy-looking urchin with a comb-over. Kim Kardashian exposes herself to The Poors and learns the true meaning of Thanksgiving. Today's Gossip Roundup is sitting on the couch with some turkeys, playing video games and eating pumpkin pie topped with mashed potatoes instead of Cool Whip.

J.Lo parties until 3:30AM, and looks like she might be straining herself. LuAnn de Lesseps dances on a table. Who stole David Copperfield's precious magician award? Why does Arnold Schwarzenegger need three larger-than-life bronze statues of himself? Monday gossip goes too far.

After several years of post-wardrobe malfunction "safe" choices, the Black Eyed Peas headlined/ruined tonight's Super Bowl halftime show. Fergie did a lot of random shrieking (singing?), yelling, and things of that nature, so I edited it all together for you!

[On a yacht in St. Barts, a highly-accessorized Fergie signals a) a passing ship; b) the paparazzi; or c) the deserted island where she just abandoned Will.I.Am. Images via Flynet.]

Two Hawaiian teachers have taken a new approach to teaching their students by reworking lyrics to popular songs by artists like Lady Gaga, Jennifer Lopez, Gwen Stefani and more into some seriously cool visual history lessons ever. Some favorites, inside.

[Fergie and Jennifer Lopez take a break from their daily wrinkle-reducing cryogenic treatments to take in the New York Jets vs. Miami Dolphins football game. Image via INF.]

Like me, you've probably always wondered what it'd look like for a sign language interpreter to perform lyrics like, "My hump, my hump, my hump, my hump, my lovely lady lumps," at a Black Eyed Peas concert. Here's your answer.

Fergie is reportedly "on the verge" of leaving the Black Eyed Peas because Will.i.am's ego "is out of control." Also, she wants to get pregnant, which would be disastrous for her stage persona given her infamous bladder control issues. [Radar]

Now that she's embroiled in a bribery scandal, Sarah Ferguson, the Duchess of York, is considering a move to New York. We think that's a lovely idea. Here is everything you need to know about New York's newest potential expat.

He was only using her for her fame. Paris Hilton and Doug Reinhardt have a flirt-off. Ashton and Demi party with New York's Foursquare fanatics. Sandra Bullock pulls a Tiger Woods. Tuesday's gossip roundup checks in and out.

No one buys music anymore. So what to do if you're a pop band trying to make it big? It's simple — whore yourself out to any company that will give you cash. And start flash mobs for Oprah.

• The messiest TV feud in years may be nearing its end. Conan O'Brien and NBC are said to be close to signing a deal that would allow Conan to walk away from The Tonight Show with $32.5 million in hand. He wouldn't be able to host a show on another network until September under terms of the agreement. And it remains unclear if he'll be able to take some of the memorable characters he created with him, like Triumph the Insult Comic Dog or the Masturbating Bear. [TMZ]
• Has Jennifer Aniston finally found love? Probably not, but she's reportedly hooking up with Gerard Butler again. After taking pictures together on the red carpet at the Golden Globes, Aniston and Butler were supposedly seen "making out" backstage and were "attached at the hip all night." [P6]
• Madonna may be looking to add to her collection of kids. According to a Brit tabloid, the 51-year-old singer wants to have a baby with her Brazilian boytoy Jesus Luz since she has "endless love in her heart for another child." [Sun]
• Tiger Woods may be staying at Pine Grove, a sex rehab facility in Mississippi, if you happen to be looking for him, or you just need the name of a place that will treat your own compulsion to sleep with hookers and waitresses. [Us]

• A photographer says he plans to file a lawsuit against Lindsay Lohan after her driver "nearly killed" him in a hit-and-run accident on Sunday. The paparazzo says he's "lucky to be alive" and now plans to make sure Lindsay "goes to jail" for her crimes despite the fact LiLo wasn't even the one driving, and the photographer only injured his wrist and never even had to go to the hospital. [TMZ, NYP]
• Have Derek Jeter and Minka Kelly set a date? According to the Post, which conducted an undercover investigation last week, the couple are planning to get married in November at the Oheka Castle on Long Island, which is where Kevin Jonas got married recently. [NYP]
• Another Beyoncé concert is stirring up controversy. Less than two weeks after she got into trouble for performing for Hannibal Khadafy comes the news that residents of Trinidad are up in arms over a $1 million Beyoncé concert planned for February 18. Locals claim it will divert from the country's annual Carnival celebration. [Sun]

Altarcations coming up! Meantime: Fergie and Josh Duhamael renewed their vows. There probably wasn't a bachelor party, nor a stripper present. Also, the sleazy-looking Backstreet Boy got engaged, which gives me a reason to bring you this early afternoon jam:

As the Sheen-Mueller cycle of violence rounds another bend, we have no choice but to end the year depressingly. Tracy Morgan buys lube, Kate Hudson goes "psycho," Jonases contemplate break-up. Should auld gossip be forgot: Thursday gossip lang syne.

Just because Nine, which opened this weekend, sucked doesn't mean that it has nothing to teach us. For instance, it can tell us how to keep a disaster like Nine from happening again.

• Robert "Joe" Halderman, David Letterman's alleged extortionist, may be close to taking a plea deal. Halderman has reportedly offered to accept a one-year prison sentence in exchange for pleading guilty, although his lawyer is denying it, and any deal probably won't be finalized until incoming Manhattan DA Cyrus Vance Jr. takes office in January. [NYP]
• Charlie Sheen and wife Brooke Mueller say they're heading to counseling following Friday's arrest of Sheen on domestic violence charges. (He allegedly threatened Mueller with a knife and told her he was going to kill her.) Sheen, who was released on bond on Christmas night, also says he plans to enroll in "anger management counseling," since he's hoping to keep the marriage together. Rest assured, though, that somewhere Denise Richards is screaming, "I told you so!" [TMZ, NYDN]
• Ivana Trump was booted off a flight from Palm Beach to New York over the weekend after she cursed out a group of rowdy kids on the plane and then lashed out at several flight attendants. [P6, MSNBC]

So, the Nigerian man detained Sunday for locking himself in Northwest Flight 253's bathroom for an hour, two days after some other Nigerian tried to blow up the same flight? Definitely not a terrorist. Just a remarkably inopportune bathroom break.