Uber-dealer Thea Westreich and her husband, two of the biggest names in the art-dealing biz, have been hammered for $749,892 in uncollected sales tax and fines, says today's Page Six. This is the latest in an unending stream of art-world sales tax evasion fiascos.

It's sort of like losing a hand, or that sex toy you've had for a decade now — Google has been up and down all day, thanks to virus attacks. If you'd like the full geeky explanation, the Slashdot thread will explain it all. The translated version is: the big computer has holes in it!

In honor of recent sentencings, resident statistician Andrew Krucoff gives us the details of the wealthy women behind bars.

We were waiting for our vampire sister-site Fleshbot to rise from his New Orleans crypt this afternoon for his take on today's Page Six lead item. Why yes: Chad Savage, porn star, is now a "valet" at the annual exclusive right-wing party-zone Bohemian Grove out in California. Maybe even the Masters of the Universe aren't so busy running the world they can't take a break for a little ass sex, porn star style.
Chad Savage [Fleshbot]
Gay Porn Star Serves Moguls [NYP]
Deep ... Deep Inside The Bohemian Grove [Corsair]

A sensibly cheap man about town asks for Manhattan advice, which we're always too eager to offer:

Five months in prison, five months house arrest in Bedford, two years probation — and $30,000 fine.

Never let it be said that the boys at The Smoking Gun don't care. This week, they sent around some special swag to commemorate today's historical events: a tea towel (AKA dishrag) with a reproduction of Martha Stewart's infamous message pad. Ah yes, the plum pudding was excellent — and yes, Peter Bacanovic did think that ImClone was going to start trading downward.
Related: ImClone: trading high today at 79.47 [Yahoo!]
Waksal-freude: ImClone trading at 47 [Gawker, 2/13/04]
ImClone Softball Team: Rich, Not Going To Jail [Gawker, 7/01/04]

Tomorrow morning, as Martha Stewart gets sentenced, her staff will be there in spirit — in specially organized "gathering" areas at Martha Stewart Omnimedia offices. We actually feel bad posting this memo, but we just don't know how to leave a tender moment alone. Hey, they're serving breakfast! We'll stop by, okay?

After years of legal wranglings, Wall Street firm Morgan Stanley agreed to cough up $54 million yesterday to pissed-off women employees. (Morgan Stanley earned over $1 billion last quarter, so it's not like they'll fucking notice.) One of the litigious chicks will get $12 mil; the rest will be disbursed among 340 eligible women, if they remember to come forward to file claims. Hey ladies! Soup's on! Come and get it.

As Martha starts planning her outfit for Friday's sentencing (trust me, that's a bitch to dress for), someone's still trying to trash-talk her. An anonymous source claims that Martha's ex's current wife sent a letter to the judge:

We're still obsessed with comments made by cosmetics queen Evelyn Lauder last week about being surrounded by white collar criminals and corner-cutters. So's a reader, who speculates:

At Hunter College's recent graduation ceremony, Evelyn Lauder, director of Estee Lauder and 1958 Hunter graduate, noticed the hot trend of the early 00's:

The Forbes Celebrity 100 list, topped by Christ-lover/killer Mel Gibson, really breaks it down this year. They've got categories for everything — they might as well have included a "Best Earning Twins" category (which of course would go to Lindsay Lohan, not the Olsens).
Celebrity 100 [Forbes]

The immense Day In The Life Of A Bitter Investment Banker email that the National Post covered yesterday has arrived for your reading pleasure. It's pretty fucking grim — makes us feel a little bit better about our liquor-bottle-strewn sweatshop.

The rumors are all around: Silicon Alley is back, baby! Silly entrepreneurs are gonna be back in charge, kicking the venture capitalists like the bitches they are. Last week's Crain's pushes the madness, with a stern reminder:

The always handy Friendster-for-moguls, They Rule, has been updated with 2004 SEC filings and board of directors data. Fun! Who plays golf with whom?
They Rule [They Rule.net]

Mark Cuban, owner of the Dallas Mavericks and producer of the forthcoming reality show The Benefactor, has some harsh words for The Donald, who has basically called The Benefactor a rip-off of The Apprentice. Cuban recalls a meeting with Trump a few years back:

For the gamblers in the house, as of last Friday, Bally's/Paris-Las Vegas is calling the odds on Thursday's Apprentice winner at 2-1 for Bill and 5-9 for Kwame. America's Line is calling them at 2-1 for Bill and 3-1 for Kwame.

There seems to be a bit of discrepancy as to why Legal Aid has a $21-million deficit — the lawyers' union blames management, Legal Aid blames the City and 9/11. Whoever screwed up, the drama-queen union rep predicts that they'll cut 180 criminal lawyers if the City doesn't step in.

You knew this was gonna happen: Martha Stewart's lawyers demanded a new trial today. Their claim: one of the jurors lied to the court (unlike anyone, say, actually testifying or defending themselves in the court) in order to serve on the jury. Juror Chappell Hartridge had been arrested for an assault in 1997 (charges dismissed) — and now everyone is running around downtown screaming "Mistrial! Mistrial!" at the top of their lungs like a bunch of headless chickens.