The presumptive face of the Republican Party screamed a series of loosely related words at thousands of people in Tampa earlier today, pausing only to clap quietly to himself as he embraced a large piece of colored cloth.

In the wake of the murders of nine black churchgoers by a white supremacist with Confederate sympathies, multiple national retailers announced plans this week to stop selling Confederate flags and Confederate flag-branded apparel and paraphernalia. Walmart was the first to eliminate Confederate merchandise, with eBay, Amazon and even Etsy following suit. As of today, there’s scarcely a trace of the famous “rebel flag” on Walmart.com or Amazon.com. But bargain-hunting chattel slavery enthusiasts need not abandon their laptops for flea markets just yet: You can still buy Confederate flags at both of those sites—just not the one most people think of as “the Confederate Flag.”

In 2016, New Zealanders will get to vote on a new flag, one that Prime Minister John Key hopes will “better reflect our status as a modern, independent nation.” In an effort to appear egalitarian, Key has opened the artistic direction of the new flag up to the people, and the people, wow, they have not disappointed.

Howard University students raised a Pan-African flag on the campus flagpole last week, prompting the school's president to issue a statement saying, "While I openly support freedom of expression on our campus, I do not support unauthorized use of University property or official platforms to transmit these expressions of thought and ideas." Uh... huh.

Independence Day is the worst of America's joyless national celebrations, the day when everyone will predictably act like a buffoon and nobody has the decency to Opt Out. From Park Slope to Silver Lake, from Phoenix to Saint Paul, the whole nation of grudge-laden bores will wrap themselves in the old Red, White and Blue in another futile attempt to out-patriot their enemies.

Vice's man in Libya noticed that a flag flying above the courthouse in Bengahzi, the cradle of the now victorious Libyan revolution, belongs to Al Qaida.

The Casa Monica Hotel in St. Augustine, Florida flies a big American flag out front so that people will regard it as a patriot-friendly lodging establishment. Sadly, that fluttering piece of fabric will probably disappear soon, because the hotel's new management hates American flags. Hates!

Shawn Stevens is nothing but a good old 12 year-old boy. An American boy. He has a touch of autism, but he's American, and that's what matters. He's a young man who just wanted to carry a flag. An American flag. The stars and stripes. The banner of freedom. A simple desire to hold Old Glory in his very own hands. To carry that flag around, at the school, that taxpayers paid for, to let everyone know that the American dream lives. It lives in the mind of a boy. An American boy. Named Shawn Stevens.

The owner of the Taste of Philly Cheesesteak and Hoagie Shoppe in Crystal River, Florida (it's where the Crystal Ships are manufactured) has been told she has to stop flying six patriotic flags in front of her place because of a local ordinance limiting people to only three flags. Why does Crystal River hate America?

While your kids got a Nintendo Wii, this boy got flags. Yes, flags. He has the presence of mind to pronounce them with the same ceremonious vigor. Obscure flags, all correct. Just wait for "Central African Republic."

[Someone inspects the remnants of General George Custer's flag that was recovered from the Battle of Little Big Horn. Sotheby's is auctioning it off in New York next Friday. Image via Getty]

A Guardian reporter interviewed Sarah Palin while she was giving autographs to her fans. Sarah put her Sharpie marker on a book, a hat, and an American flag. The latter of which is against the law!

The U.S. Embassy has issued an apology to Filipino President Benigno Aquino III for staging his meet-and-greet with President Obama in front of an upside flag of the Philippines on Friday. "This was an honest mistake," said an American spokesperson.

Meet Staci Child, the stepdaughter of Australian Prime Minister Julia Gillard. She just starred in a sexy photo shoot for "lad mag" Zoo wearing an Australian flag bikini, and waving the Australian flag. Want to see some photos?