Confronted with the implications of Lena Dunham moving to Canada should he become president, Donald Trump took a reflective pause before delivering a measured answer. Just kidding—he said something totally rude and moved on.

Today’s episode of Fox News’ early morning variety hour, Fox & Friends, featured Gawker’s recent post about the ways in which Hillary Clinton’s press operation bends reporters to their will. You can watch Steve Doocy interview Judge Andrew Napolitano about the emails we published on Tuesday above.

According to the FBI, the first two things your kids should attempt in any active shooting situation are 1) run or, if that’s not possible, 2) hide. According to Fox & Friends, Little Johnny needs to stand his goddamn ground.

Earlier today, current non-Trump GOP frontrunner Ben Carson went on Fox and Friends to complain about President Obama’s “politicizing” of the Oregon shooting tragedy. And as with all of Ben Carson’s interviews—he probably would have been better off staying home.

How could the cast of Fox & Friends, a reality show about several adults who can’t read, get any worse? How about if its anchors started throwing sharp weapons at people on the street?

To mark Animal Planet’s “Monster Week,” a small alligator visited Fox and Friends, where an encounter with some real life monsters frightened her so badly that she pissed herself, splashing “gatorade” all over the set floor.

On Tuesday, the account for 19th-century opinion program Fox & Friends asked Twitter users what stuff from 2014 they were "over," kicking things off with the above (apparently un-ironic) image and the hashtag #OverIt2014. It went about as well as you'd expect.

On last Monday's Daily Show, Jon Stewart rebutted the idea that the killing of Mike Brown in Ferguson, Mo. was "an isolated incident" by listing off some of the many, many U.S. police shootings of unarmed black men in recent years. But one of those men, Dante Parker, wasn't actually shot by police.

On today's edition of the intellectual roundtable Fox and Friends, the hosts agree that "they should have a test before you vote."

Donald Trump called in to Fox and Friends this morning to comment on Miss World's decision to nix bikinis in the Indonesian competition so as not to offend the country's large Muslim population:

Working off of this column in the New York Post that suggests we should make members of congress take IQ tests—tests which, according to this guy, will quiz people on their knowledge of guns— the gang over at Fox and Friends all chimed in to support the notion. "Nobody'd be in congress!" Steve Doocey says to no one before chuckling at his own joke. Gretchen Carlson, meanwhile, was already busy thinking about the next step: when are they going to mandate IQ tests for the people that make the IQ tests for congress? "Nobody'd be left in the world!" Steve Doocey notices.

This morning, January 21, 2013, is the "most depressing day of the year" says Steve Doocey of Fox and Friends. Why? Because of "drab weather, holiday bills, and resolutions we have not met."

So it seems that in order to promote their 43rd season, the PR people over at Sesame Street have been recklessly booking all of their cracked-out muppets on (for the most part) already intolerable television shows. Consequently, America's best and brightest TV personalities were forced to interact with furry, 3-foot-tall, talking, moving stuffed animals that can't even appear on camera without some sort of table or podium concealing all of their sticks and wires.

Actually it's not, it just provides Stewart and the Daily Show writers a moment of clever word play. A lot more clever than the pro-Walker folks Fox and Friends trotted out today.

Last April, during the fight over the federal budget, Stephen Colbert delivered one of The Colbert Report's most legendary rants.

So the New York Times' Dining section wrote one of those things for Southern food yesterday that it writes for every type of food, at one point or another: How there's a new wave of chefs trying to revive traditional fare with more expensive and local ingredients, etc. "They want to reclaim the agrarian roots of Southern cooking," the Times writes, "restore its lost traditions and dignity, and if all goes according to plan, completely redefine American cuisine for a global audience." Again: This is a standard Times food article template with "Southern food" plugged in.

We're still pretty early into the holiday season, but lo, enemy forces have already entrenched themselves on a central front in this year's War on Christmas: Rhode Island, state of... whatever. The governor there — like other recent governors! — has decided to call the 17-foot blue spruce in the Statehouse a "holiday tree," rather than a Christmas tree. Oh. Shit.

Fox & Friends co-host and celebrated public intellectual Brian Kilmeade could barely catch his breath today, as he shared the hot new rumor about Justin Bieber impregnating a lady.

The morning muppets on today's episode of Fox News' illiterate dementia variety hour, Fox & Friends, had much to discuss. Well, really only Herman Cain.

This morning on bad idea ball pit Fox & Friends, the melting Crisco sculpture known as Gretchen Carlson got outraged over a new program that requires "translation assistance" for the non-English speaking parents of Cleveland public school students. Boy was she mad!