Whenever something serious happens, the internet does its best to become distracted by minor characters and occurrences only tangentially related to the actual news story.
Alas, post-Sandy New York is not all feel-good tales of entrepreneurial ingenuity and upscale Halal carts; there's also been some looting. Police arrested 15 people in the Far Rockaway section of Queens and nine others in Coney Island, including one woman who was charged with possession of a firearm after police found a gun in the safe she was in the process of stealing.
As Hurricane Sandy, now combined with a Nor'easter, bears down on the mid-Atlantic, people everywhere are looking for answers: will I be safe? What should I do? Where should I go? And most importantly, what shadowy organization, group, or cosmic force is manipulating the weather to cause this terrible storm? Luckily, the internet has answers to all those questions — especially the last one. (Current suspects: President Obama, the gays, and perennial weather-conspiracy favorite the High Frequency Active Auroral Research Program.) Let's take a look at the best conspiracy theories on the web.
In order to keep readers updated on Frankenstorm safety bulletins, the New York Times has temporarily lifted its paywall for online articles. It has also temporarily lifted its policy of not posting absurd shit.
If a hurricane makes landfall in a forest, and no one's there to Instagram it, did it really make landfall at all?
Unfortunately, when disaster strikes it affects not only the wretched Normals, but also a better, brighter class of people: Celebrities. Here's how they're handling it so far:
Sandy is here, and like many of you, we have no idea what that means in scientific terms. All we know is that it's windy and rainy and we just blew all of our money on batteries and booze, so this better be real.
Peter Doocy, a "Fox News General Assignment reporter" and son of the notable Fox and Friends personality Steve Doocy, brings us the first reporter wipeout related to Hurricane Sandy. Was this wipeout attributable to 45 mph winds or severe flooding? No, unfortunately. Poor Peter Doocy stepped off the dock and got his foot stuck in wet sand. We're all expecting a little better effort next time.
In times of fear and anxiety, of uncertainty and danger, when the winds are howling and the sky is crashing down — where do you turn? You turn to the shirtless guy in the horse mask jogging in the background of NBC's live coverage of Frankenstorm Sandy in Washington, D.C.
Hurricane Sandy may have been hundreds of miles away from Midtown Manhattan yesterday morning, but thousands of comedy fans were already walking around with a cloud over their heads.
Were you thinking about not taking Hurricane Sandy seriously? Do you not find Bloomberg's warnings adequately stimulating? Are you treating Frankenstorm as an excuse to just get drunk and play hooky from work? Well, if so, the National Weather Service in Mt. Holly, New Jersey wants you to know that THE STORM IS NO JOKE AND WILL KILL YOU AND YOUR LOVED ONES AND THINK OF THE CHILDREN etc. From their press release this afternoon:
