The Daily Mail takes a nice long look at why Jodie Foster left her lesbian partner of 15 years, and sets the stage with his description of lesbian Los Angeles: "the words 'mid-life crisis' were heard being whispered over expensively whipped hot drinks and wholemeal muffins in fashionable coffee shops across Hollywood." (Photo via Daily Mail)
Oh, hey, Republican Mayor Michael Bloomberg might stop snapping at people long enough to play a thinly-veiled, self-mocking George W. Bush in a Broadway play. [P6]
OMG smoking gun: Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson are hugging and holding hands and putting their faces close together and everything! It's nearly almost practically lesbian kissing, and thus proof that they are girlfriends in that way. [Egotastic] (Photo via Egotastic)
Actress Jessica Alba married Cash Warren, father to the daughter she is set to give birth to this summer. The couple met on the set of Fantastic Four, where he was a director's assistant. [Rush & Molloy]
While girlfriend Jennifer Aniston has been acting like a goody two-shoes, John Mayer has been a total party boy, drinking it up all night at a bar in New York. But he's also been totally domestic and whipped in Las Vegas, where the singer dodged groupies right and left to go to bed early. Since Aniston is really into mixed signals, the actress decided Mayer is "the one." None of this is going unimpregnate Angelina Jolie, Jennifer.
Sean Penn is not cool with former close personal friend (and supermodel) Petra Nemcova talking to his wife, with whom the movie star is now reconciled. "It wasn't long before we saw Penn march over, take Robin by the elbow and lead her away, saying, 'Come and meet my friend.'" [Rush & Molloy]
An LA band called Lustra called out Miley Cyrus by name for a song that sounds way, way too much like one of their songs. But it turns out Cyrus doesn't write any of her own songs, so now the band kind of looks like a bunch of assholes. [P6]
This gold bust of Oprah features two dogs above her head, begins showing next week at a gallery and is intended to highlight "the overlooked threat of accidental pet fatality by common household products." [Oh No They Didn't] (Photo from Caplakesting.com via OhNoTheyDidn't)
David Lauren, the Jewish fashion scion barred from Jenna Bush's wedding, hit on some other woman while girlfriend Lauren Bush was at the nuptials, so grandpa and grandma Bush were totally right about him being a non-commital dirty old man, according to the right-leaning Post. This piece of gossip sounds like a total slam dunk. [P6]
Jennifer Aniston and boyfriend John Mayer got into a hotel pool in Miami, and there were pictures, and everyone found this very exciting for some reason. The Sun went above and beyond, as usual, with shots of the two parts of the actress' body any experienced reader of the British tabloid would expect it to focus on. (Photo fromX17)
There is no goddamned way animal-hating monster Paris Hilton actually said this to justify her alleged competitive need to conceive: "I have a lot of beautiful animals that I look after and I feel I would have a lot to give my children."
Britney Spears managed to stay out of the mental hospital for, like, three whole months, so a court commissioner was "extremely impressed." The singer now gets more time — possibly three days per week — with her kids. No one seems to know how much time she had with them before. But she can maybe have the children over for sleepovers in a month, depending, probably, on how her next TV cameo goes. The system works!
Jenna Bush will get married this weekend at a ranch in Texas. Oscar de la Renta supplied the gown the presidential daughter will eventually be puking on. (UPDATE: AP may be wrong on bridesmaid count, see first comment.) [AP]
Instead of viciously beating people with her cellphone, supermodel Naomi Campbell tried bringing tea and coffee to assistants on the TV show Ugly Betty. Ten bucks says the coffee and tea had, in turn, been bought by Campbell's own assistant, and that Campbell hasn't been into a Starbucks since 1998. I hope someone demanded her drink be brought back with nonfat milk at exactly 195 degrees. [News Of The World]
Tom Cruise sent wife Katie Holmes to a three-day Scientology boot camp at "Gold Base" to prevent her from working on her Broadway play in New York without him, said Starmagazine.
Tyra Banks ended the Miley Cyrus controversy, issuing the following fatwa on The View: "She is a 15-year-old, and I just wish everybody would leave her alone!" Follow this edict or Tyra will claw your eyes out, then stab you, then set you on fire, all using only her tightly-controlled stare of rage. [Showbiz Spy]
Testifying against her alleged stalker, Uma Thurman's dad said the man emailed him a few times about the study-abroad program at Columbia, where the dad is a professor. He had no clue the guy was a stalker, or even knew who his daughter was. Then one day the alleged stalker wrote: "Today the center of my forehead is ticking now and then. I feel in love with your daughter Uma." And later: "Apparently hoping it would be forwarded to the actress.... 'Work on that accent for our wedding night. Pretty please.'"
Carrie Fisher so totally did have take a ride in Harrison Ford's Millennium Falcon during the filming of the Star Wars movies. Fisher: "Once I left the room and came back and he was in the closet not wearing a lot of clothes." The Sun headlined their story, "Carrie: I gave Ford Obi-Wan." [Sun]
Amy Winehouse went on a rampage of terror last week, headbutting and punching people, getting high in the street and stiffing her cabbie. But the addict/singer also made out with some random guy, and maybe that's why she now has a new man named Alex Haynes, who works for Winehouse's manager, and doesn't look nearly fierce enough to handle his insane new girlfriend. Winehouse's mom thinks he's great because Haynes is always "popping out to buy cigarettes, papers, anything she wanted." Other people point out that buying whatever Winehouse wants is maybe not in the singer's best interest.
