• Michael Jackson was laid to rest yesterday evening, exactly ten weeks after his death. Gladys Knight performed; Al Sharpton delivered a sermon; Lisa Marie Presley, Elizabeth Taylor, Chris Tucker, Macaulay Culkin and Mila Kunis put in appearances; and the Jackson siblings color-coordinated their outfits, per usual. [NYDN, People]
• Nike has wisely decided to put on hold the line of sneakers it had been planning to introduce in partnership with DJ AM. [TMZ]
• Pervy photographer Terry Richardson is settling down. He's reportedly getting ready to tie the knot with scenester Jen Brill. [TrendLand]
• Is French First Lady Carla Bruni-Sarkozy planning to appear in Woody Allen's next movie? "Nothing is signed yet," says her publicist. [WWD]

We've all done things we regretted—bad outfits, dated that loser, a Girls Gone Wild video—but no one hates her bad decisions like this star. Also a two-timing cougar. No regrets there!

• Madonna's trip to Israel is over. And it sounds like it was quite the party. Her entourage occupied a total of 11 suites and 25 hotel rooms; she brought her Italian chef with her as well as all her own exercise equipment aboard her private jet; and she received the sort of reception typically reserved for visiting presidents. Fun! [NYP]
• Michael Jackson's burial is finally scheduled to take placed today in Glendale, Calif. [MSNBC]
• DJ AM's burial took place in LA yesterday. Travis Barker, Scott Caan, DJ Jazzy Jeff, and members of Crazy Town turned up for the small service. In related news, although Goldstein didn't leave a will, he left behind about $1 million in assets. [Us, TMZ, People]
• The filming of the Sex and the City sequel has been getting a little chaotic, since fans have been turning up in droves at the locations. Fortunately, Sarah Jessica Parker and Chris Noth remain unarmed. And extra security has supposedly been hired. [NYDN]

There's halitosis, and then there is the kind that makes you want to wretch. But this stench-breathed star has nothing on a vain actress, a cheating newspaper man, a girly golfer, and an actress who's dying to keep her secret!

• Speculation over the cause of DJ AM's death last Friday continues. People's sources tell the magazine Goldstein had eight undigested OxyContin pills in his stomach (and a ninth in his mouth) when he died, pretty clear evidence it was a suicide. TMZ reported a few days ago that the overdose was accidental, and it's sticking by its version of events. [People, TMZ]
• In the meantime, Goldstein's ex-girlfriend, model Hayley Wood, is denying rumors that he took his life because he was distraught over their breakup. [Us]
• Lindsay Lohan may now be leaving behind her LA home. But she may be leaving behind an unpaid $50,000 rent bill, too. [Radar]
• Kate Hudson is a little "clingy" when it comes to A-Rod, apparently. [MSNBC]

Is everyone in Hollywood on drugs? These days the place sounds like a campy movie with Patty Duke. One actress slips them in her Starbucks and the other chews them on the plane. Gimme my dolls!

• It's been a couple of thousand years since a man named Jesus "sparked a frenzy" in Jerusalem. But it happened again yesterday when Jesus (Luz, that is) accompanied Madonna to the Western Wall. [DM]
• Yesterday it was reported that Chris Brown had told Larry King that he didn't really remember beating up Rihanna. Now he says he does remember using her a human punching bag; it's just that the clip used to promote the show was taken out of context. [People]
• Filming has started on the new season of the Real Housewives of New York City. And the pressure is on, apparently. There are two "backup" housewives waiting in the wings in case the women don't perform and "the story lines are not interesting enough." [P6]
• Demi Moore would like to make it clear she's never had plastic surgery. It's natural that she looks like that at the age of 64. So back off. [Telegraph]

Eliot Spitzer may not need Twitter, because he has the NY Post keeping him in the limelight. The paper claims the former luv guv wants to run for office, but sources say it won't happen. Still, anything for that headline.

219West has struck again. It's always been bizarre how someone so prominent would be so public on his Manhunt profile. Now he's indiscreetly responding to Craigslist m4m ads at 5am looking for "ski" partners. (Psst, that's code for "snort coke.")

It's not good enough to just be gay anymore. To rank, you have to be a total S&M queen. Oh, the modern age! It is also home to dirty game show hosts, undersexed starlets, and secret relationships. Whip it!

• DJ AM's overdose on Friday appears to have been accidental, according to law enforcement sources who spoke with TMZ. It seems the celeb DJ, who claimed he'd been sober for 11 years, only started using drugs again after he was prescribed anti-anxiety and pain meds following his plane crash last year. [TMZ, NYDN]
• Those rumors that Chelsea Clinton plans to marry boyfriend Marc Mezvinsky in Martha's Vineyard this summer are heating up again. A large tent and stage have been set up in the area, although no one's sure if it's for the Clinton wedding. [P6]
• Joan Rivers says Libyan leader Moammar Khadafy was thinking about renting her Fifth Avenue apartment for $200K a week, but recently changed his mind. The upshot? Rivers won't have to worry about the dictator "roasting cows in her living room." [P6]

Finally, we have something nice to say. Boring, huh? One actress kindly paid for her poor friend's entire wedding. Aww. We're not being nice to a star's bratty kids, a bad celeb restaurateur, or a cheating golfer. No way.

• Mischa Barton didn't get involuntarily committed to the psychiatric wing of Cedars-Sinai last month because she had a meltdown. Or a drug problem. She says it was because she had her wisdom teeth removed. Sounds plausible! [TONY]
• Speaking of lame excuses, remember how Jeremy Piven said he had to drop out of Speed the Plow because he had mercury poisoning? An arbitrator bought the story, apparently, because he ruled in his favor, dismissing charges filed against him by producers of the show. [NYP]
• Minka Kelly's rep is shooting down rumors that she's planning a fall wedding to Derek Jeter. [NYDN]

Megan Fox says she's more comfortable kissing ladies on screen, Rihanna brings Taylor Swift flowers and Hilary Duff's not playing nice. It's your Friday morning Gossip Roundup!

We may have guessed which stars ran afoul of their dealer. Can you? Or do you know which celeb has crippling stage fright and who is a bad mother? You better tell us, or we're not giving you your fix.

• Are Derek Jeter and Minka Kelly "secretly engaged" and planning to get married this fall? That's what an "insider" is now telling Page Six, for what it's worth. [P6]
• Parker Posey has bowed out of an off-Broadway play, but sushi doesn't appear to be the culprit: Parker has been diagnosed with lime disease, according to people involved with the show. [NYP]
• Redmond O'Neal, the troubled son of Farrah Fawcett and Ryan O'Neal, plans to star in his own reality show once he's released from prison. He says he's only doing it to "honor his mother," but then again you probably knew that. [NYDN]
• The police released video footage yesterday of the robbers breaking into Lindsay Lohan's house last weekend. If you spot anyone familiar, feel free to call the cops. Or congratulate them. Or whatever. [NYP]

Just because she has the golden statue doesn't mean she stopped using the white stuff—even in public! Also, a Hollywood couple's kids behaving badly and an actress gets sacked by her director beau. The blind items go to...

• Lindsay Lohan says she feels "scared" and "violated" after the break-in at her LA home last weekend. (We're guessing that's the same way Sam Ronson feels when she comes home to find LiLo waiting for her in the bushes, but what do we know?) In related news, though, Lohan's neighbors are now hoping she'll pick a new neighborhood to terrorize. [Sun, NYDN]
• Things don't always go Anna Wintour's way. When she headed to dinner after her David Letterman taping the other night, the poor editrix had to wait 20 minutes for her boyfriend, Shelby Bryan, to show up. And then the restaurant had the nerve to try and seat them at a non-private table. The indignity! [P6]
• Chelsea Handler has dumped her boyfriend, Ted Harbert. Making matters a little awkward: Harbert runs E!, which means her ex is still her boss. [NYDN]
• Cindy Crawford is coming clean about a deep, dark secret. She says that although you might have thought she had a perfect body, she really does have a bit of cellulite. Guess you'll have to focus on her inner beauty instead. [Star]

There are closets and then there are closets. One bald former big shot is relying on everyone keeping his man-on-man cavorting a secret. Also coming out, the skeletons about one star's taste for hookers. Really? Do tell!

• Is Kate Middleton, Prince William's girlfriend, planning to move to New York? Possibly! [DM]
• A coroner has ruled Michael Jackson's death was due to lethal levels of the anesthetic Propofol in his body, which may very well pave the way for prosecutors to file manslaughter charges against Jackson's doctor, Conrad Murray. [MSNBC, People, NYDN]
• In other Jackson family news, Barbara Walters has landed the first interview with LaToya Jackson, which will air on September 11. Exciting, huh? [ABC]
• Jessica Biel is the most dangerous celebrity on earth—at least when it comes to computer viruses. People who seek out info on Biel online stand a one-in-five chance of visiting a site "designed to damage their computer." [Us]