British former reality TV star and current terminal cancer patient Jade Goody is a national obsession. She will die soon. But not soon enough for OK! magazine.

Yesterday we heard rumors that Viacom has introduced a new system for screwing its vendors out of getting paid on time. Today, more insight into the Kafka-esque world of "InvoiceWorks," from a real vendor!

Following Star's tabloid scoop on the breakup of Bristol Palin and Levi Johnston, the more respectable press sprung into action, discovering the split happened weeks ago. People is off to Alaska to learn more.

In this week's Star: hilarious and slightly depressing "gossip" from Levi Johnston's bitchy, MySpace-y sister Mercede! Do you care about the petty dramas of unwed teen parents in far-off Alaska?

CNN spent millions of dollars promoting Anderson Cooper. So it's no surprise the boyishly handsome anchor was recognized on a weekend jaunt to Savannah, Georgia. The question is what he was doing there.

Britney Spears fired three dancers for doing drugs. Hypocrite.

So the Sarah Silverman-Matt Damon "f*ckng" was for laughs, but the July breakup was real; Silverman's awkwardness on Jimmy Kimmel Live in October was staged but the couple's reconciliation was real. This latest breakup?

Peaches Geldof just made headlines in the London tabloids for announcing on Facebook she has "married" her lady DJ friend. It's a joke/publicity stunt, of course, but it did get us thinking:

Jeffrey Toobin, the married CNN legal reporter, could very soon have a child with his rumored mistress, if the woman's friends are correct.

After reportedly beating his girlfriend Rihanna, Chris Brown hired crisis flacks and went into spin mode: The singer apologized, took anger-management classes and spread word Rihanna was culpable. But his reputation needed more help.

CNN analyst, New Yorker writer, alleged affair-haver, and big Facebook fan Jeffrey Toobin recently updated his Facebook status to "married." He's actually been married for years! Click through to see the outpouring of interest:

Bad: Rupert Murdoch biographer Michael Wolff is rumored to be having an affair with his younger employee. Far worse, for Wolff: this gives News Corp (and others) a chance to get back at him.

Now that Liz Smith has been put out to stud, we need to reevaluate our idea of "gossip." (Probably needed to do this anyway). Who's worth gossiping about anymore? Well, not Paris Hilton.

RadarOnline was once an intelligent site, written by funny people. Really! Now, it seems to have degenerated into all Octomom, all the time. What's happening here?

Octogenarian gossipmonger Liz Smith continues to chronicle the reactions to the New York Post's shocking move to drop her column, and we will continue to report them as well, forever! Today: Warren Beatty is supportive!

Rappers have been dropping brand names in their lyrics for cash for years; it's tasteless, but widespread. But why would you turn a memorial track for your dead friend into a Coogi ad?

CNN's Jeffrey Toobin reportedly "crossed the line" with Casey Greenfield, daughter of a CBS reporter. Columnists Rush & Molloy don't give details, but one can speculate from what they omit: Greenfield is pregnant.

Liz Smith went on CNN today and said she was "really inept at making [the Web] work." Then the deposed New York Post gossip proved it.

People magazine is reporting that bubblegum pop star/ monster Chris Brown is back together again with battered (by him) woman/ superior singer Rihanna. I see only three possibilities, concerning this story:

If you thought Liz Smith was cranky and bitter about her profession before the New York Post dropped her column, just wait until you hear the 86-year-old gossip columnist now.