Since you were wondering, here's an update on douchebag ad man and former CNBC host Donny Deutsch's love life: that other guy's wife is now Donny's girlfriend, okay.

Redmond O'Neal was just busted for trying to sneak drugs into a prison. We can hardly think of a better way to cap off a year of O'Neal-related druggy hijinks.

Blind items—on the weekend?!? Why not, god damn it? Today: a chain-smoking, clothes-scamming actress, a 'spiritual' weedhead actor, and a party boy addicted to too-young Thai girls:

America's favorite bad comedian Jimmy Fallon was kicked out of a pizza place yesterday! And not only that: one of our tipsters tells us the scene degenerated into a fistfight. Protect Jimmy!

• Madonna won't be leaving Malawi with a baby after all: A judge listed a residency requirement as the reason why he rejected her adoption petition, although there's still a possibility Madonna will appeal the ruling. [People, E!]
• These are tough times for Kelly Killoren Bensimon. The "Real Housewife," who was arrested a couple of weeks ago for allegedly beating up her boyfriend, now just lost her Saks modeling gig. [P6]
• Andre Balazs appears to have a new special someone in his life. He was spotted making out with beer heiress Daphne Guinness the other night. [P6]

More detail on the layoffs at Conde Nast Digital today (which is not an April Fool's joke, okay): Wired.com was reportedly hit hard. Internal turf war?

Hold on to your frumpy Chico's fashions: Michael Phelps' mom has written a tell-all book! Star has an exclusive excerpt. Can you guess why that fact alone is very, very strange?

Earlier we heard a rumor that struggling Conde Nast was planning to lay off its full-time receptionists. And we've received more corroboration that it's (kinda?) true! What sort of bootleg operation is this?

Page Six boss Richard Johnson went to a party in Palm Beach last week! And the local gossip columnist was there, in an amusing role reversal. Johnson's wife keeps him sober-ish:

No wonder Countess LuAnn de Lesseps was spotted getting into an elevator with an mysterious man the other night: The Real Housewives star is said to be separating from her husband after 16 years.

Today in cathartic speculation about the private lives of others: an "A-list hunk" smacked by a lady who's not a coke whore, an actor lying about his age, and a flirty TV news personality:

• Madonna's kicked boytoy Jesus Luz to the curb and is thrilled to be single again, reports Britain's Daily Mail based on the things she's been telling fans on Twitter. But as the Times reminds us today, lots of celebs only pretend to use Twitter, so you don't have to give up hope entirely just yet. [DM]
• In related news, Madonna is expected to arrive in Malawi this weekend so she can add another baby to her collection of human accessories. [NYDN]
• Agyness Deyn and Albert Hammond Jr. only broke up recently, but she may have already moved on: She was spotted at a "rebound dinner" earlier this week. [P6]
• More trouble for CNBC: The network's golden boy, Dylan Ratigan, may be heading out the door after clashing with management. [P6]
• Ivana Trump may have reunited with her ex, Rossano Rubicondi. [P2L]
• Mega real estate broker Kathy Sloane has been hit with $248K tax lien. [P6]

Why would a rich guy sleep with his trophy wife and another woman? Because he's a lying cheat? Or because his uncontrollable Swedish bride knew he was leaving but took his body anyway?

Socialgay publicist Kristian Laliberte may or may not be locked in a feud with "rival" fauxcialites. If so, it may or may not be escalating! Kristian's calling people out; and a (fake?) Manhunt profile's emerged:

Swedish countess Marie Douglas-David was in court explaining why she wants $100 million in her divorce: her husband was too generous! Then again, he's a heartless control freak. And she's a shrew! They're perfect together:

Marie Douglas-David, the Swedish countess divorcee who is demanding $100 million from her soon-to-be-ex-husband to meet her $53,000-per-week minimum needs, is now telling her side of the story: her husband's a divorce sex fiend!

Because they're lesbians. No, seriously, that is why both the famous actress and the famous photographer are FLAT BROKE. Because of godless girl-love. Also, Matt Lauer ran into a deer.

Private things you'll discuss publicly today: a ratlike fashion editor, a cokey former tabloid editor, a star's cheating husband, a gay TV icon who likes pee, and an OCD celeb:

Last month, news broke of a rumored affair between Michael Wolff and a younger employee. A week later, rumors came out about CNN's Jeff Toobin having an affair. Now, all is quiet. Technique is everything:

Oh, wow, is it spring already? Must be, since the seasonal "Marc Jacobs is getting MARRIED!" rumors are now upon us, courtesy Women's Wear Daily.