Sightings are sent in by readers and posted to our Gawker Stalker Map. This is our occasional, old-school compilation. Send your sightings to tips@gawker.com.

• Lance Armstrong hanging out with Paris Hilton? Apparently, no one told him it only takes one ball to get the clap. [Page Six]
• Whitney Houston may have kicked Bobby Brown out, may have simply misplaced him under giant pile of crack vials. [R&M]
• Candy Spelling sells mansion for $130 million. Tori Spelling can count to 130. Okay, 100. [TMZ]
• Nicole Richie dating Brody Jenner. Brody Jennner excited to see Brody Jennner's name in print one more time. Brody Jennner. [People]
• Bam Margera offers Jessica Simpson apology for whole adultery rumors thing. Slaps himself and throws drink in own face. [US Weekly]
• Celebrities continue to get free shit because fuck you. [Lowdown]

• A celebrity is openly doing lines while wearing a dirty brown shirt. Fine. But smelling like drugs? That's just tacky. [Hotel Chatter]
• Lance Bass goes on a gay date with his gay boyfriend. Because he is gay. [TMZ]
• Literary journal n+1 successfully raises $3,000 to give to thief. [NY Sun]
• Comedian earns spot in NY Post's list of "25 Sexiest New Yorkers." Which makes sense, as he has been running through our mind of Mencia all day. [The Apiary]
• Hurricane Ernesto leaves devastating puddle in its wake. [One Park Reality]
• The originator of the Valerie Plame leak steps forward. Not Karl Rove or Dick Cheney, yet still very, very ugly. [NYT]
• Elizabeth Spiers' racy tell-all about the founding of Gawker omits the sexy scene where she and Nick Denton meet at a Metafilter party. [BeE Magazine]

Sightings are sent in by readers and posted to our Gawker Stalker Map; send yours to tips@gawker.com.

• Are Jessica Simpson and John Mayer dating? Is Jessica's body a wonderland? Do daughters become lovers become mothers? Some other crappy innuendo-joke-laden John Mayer lyric? [People]
• Meanwhile, Nick Lachey and Vanessa Minnillo appear to be getting more serious about their relationship. Individually, they remain ridiculous. [Page Six]
• Brian Williams and Katie Couric have a competition to see who can have the biggest billboard. We can't wait to see who cares? [Page Six]
• Michael Lohan offers a detailed analysis of his prison-made editorial cartoon. That's funny enough. [Lowdown]
• Rush and Malloy say "The laughter has definitely gone out of Joe Piscopo's marriage now that the former Saturday Night Live star and wife Kimberly are divorcing." We say "Joe Piscopo was never funny." [R&M]
• "Rosie Drops Some pre-View Details." Retains all pre-View pounds. [TMZ]

Sightings are sent in by readers and posted to our Gawker Stalker Map. This is our occasional, old-school compilation. Send your sightings to tips@gawker.com.

Um, remember this garbage?

• Kevin Federline to appear on C.S.I. Somehow the idea of Federline as a suspected murderer just doesn't mesh with the whole wife beater, no job, Kid Rock wannabe thing. WTF? [AOL]
• Tom Cruise in talks with Yahoo! to take his crazy wireless. [Liz Smith]
• Justin Timberlake visits sick kids in hospital, rocks their sick little bodies. [Lowdown, 3rd item]
• Kimora Lee Simmons turned away from night club, marriage, for being too ghetto. [R&M]
• Tori Spelling's new husband does not like her cats. Spelling insists there is no other way to be crazy, forgotten, washed-up celebrity now known as "that old crazy cat lady I think was on TV once, who lives in the spooky old house on the hill." [Page Six]

It appears Life & Style Weekly have started their own celebrity gossip blog. Thank God someone finally stepped in to fill the void. Now if they could just figure out a way to barter goods online...some sort of electronic marketplace, an electronic bay...

• Butterscotch Stallion shuns 2-dimensional image of Kate Hudson. Still probably sleeping with real Kate Hudson. [US Weekly]
• Jenny McCarthy still exists? [Cindy Adams]
• Tom Cruise wins award for being kind of an asshole. In other news, Tom Cruise finally gets something the old fashioned way, by earning it. [Salon]
• Carly Simon gets spanked before every show. We refrain from making jokes in honor of our mother's love for Carly Simon. [Gatecrasher, 3rd item]
• Former US WeeklyStar writerresearcher wins right to finally write book no one wants to read. (Sorry, our bad. Still, we feel the heart of the joke was in the right place.) [Page Six]
• Cindy Adams to shit in woods. [Cindy Adams]
• Television industry masturbates, cums on its own face. [TMZ]

Star Jones may be on a crusade to sniff out the rat who dared suggested there may be some sizable cracks forming in her marriage to stallion-legged husband Al Reynolds, but it will take more than threats of legal action to throw the tenacious gossip hounds of Page Six off Reynolds' suspiciously floral scent. Watch how, through the use of some carefully selected facts and turns of phrase, a simple item about someone accidentally ringing the neighbor's door at 4 a.m. manages to trumpet "Al's a Gay!" without ever saying the actual words (lightly encoded gay innuendo in boldface):

You might've noticed (but probably didn't) that a today's Daily News was missing a little something: gossip wench Lloyd Grove's Lowdown column. Grove takes time off here and there, so normally this would be a pleasant respite for us all, but today is July 31 — supposedly the last day of Grove's contract. As we understand it, his contract is not being renewed, and he has yet to answer any requests for comment. Why would he? If Grove's done, he's got nothing to lose, no reputation to uphold, and every reason to let us all fuck off. We're still looking for confimation but, well, you know. If today is, in fact, the day they cut the expense account/umbilical cord, props to Grove for laying so low that no one really noticed.

It would pretty much take Mo'nique being dragged off a plane amidst concern she's some kind of terrorist threat for us to take notice of the plus-sized Pepsi pitchwoman, which is precisely what happened as she boarded a United flight headed to her guest hosting gig on The View. From ET Online:

So just how well are those gossip-biz inspired memoirs and novels selling? For the most part, things look bleak — save for MSNBC quasi-gossip Jeanette Walls. The lesson learned: if you're willing to sell out your parents as dumpster divers, you're golden.

A recent eBay auction reminds us that it wasn't so long ago that there were no internets with which to conveniently disseminate unsubstantiated rumor and heresay. In this 1989 fax fished out of a dumpster outside David Hockney's Santa Monica studio, a "DIRT ALERT" reports that:

If you're like us, you spend your afternoons curled up on the couch with a Miller Genuine Draft tallboy at your side and MTV's Total Request Live on the tube (can never get enough Panic !@# At The Disco). But for the last month or so, something's seemed different about that fine program. We couldn't put our finger on it until yesterday, when a source let us know that Vanessa Minnillo, friend to Nick Lachey and Mario Lavendaria, had been suspended for what's being called "diva-like behavior," but that she'd be back Monday. (She'll be off again Wednesday, though, since Jessica Simpson is on the show, and the only room you'll ever get those two in together is the super-secret lab where they're working on the antidote to whatever it is that putting a part of Nick Lachey into your body gives you.) All we can say is thank fucking Christ. Nobody quite lets you know that My Chemical Romance has "rocketed two spaces to number one" like Vanessa. Welcome back, baby.

Here's some totally unconfirmed hearsay (the best kind, right?): a former employee of 5WPR is rumored to have sold a possible roman a clef about her experience working for Ronn Torossian to a major publishing house. Not a lot of details, but supposedly Torossian's character is as thinly veiled as Miranda Priestly. As for the author, we're just hazarding a guess that it's Lindsey Benoit, who Torossian sued last year for taking his "trade secrets" to another company.

Page Six reported yesterday of an interesting fracas at Chelsea club Stereo: Entertainment Tonight correspondent and MTV VJ Vanessa Minnillo was pleasantly dancing with her posse of cleavage-happy gals when model Tyson Beckford started dancing with her, no doubt showing off his professional-level freak skills. Gossip blogger Mario Lavandeira, ever-ready to fetch drinks and defend the honor of various C-listers, saw Beckford's unwanted advances and intervened, putting a "cool" on Beckford's "steam." The two almost came to blows. Over Vanessa Minnillo. Oh, the woes of holiday gossip.

Meta-gossip: over at the Daily News, George Rush & Joanna Molloy's two beloved stringers, Chris Rovzar and Jo Piazza, have legally emancipated themselves from their gossip family. After two years of alcoholic reporting, they're both moving up to the News' feature section, where they'll bend to the mercurial will of editor Orla Healy. If they can handle the mandatory late nights at Bungalow, surely they'll be able to endure the Irish terror.

Apologies for yesterday's to-do list, in which we suggested that you head over to the Bubble Lounge for some free champagne and readings from a slew of gossip writers. As it turns out, everyone backed out of the event — former Postette Bridget Harrison, Dana Vachon, Elizabeth Spiers, and Deborah Schoeneman all cancelled, leaving only ex-Page Sixer Ian Spiegelman at the podium (assuming he showed up, if only for the booze).