• Completely unsubstantiated but nonetheless interesting: Are Jay-Z and Beyonce officially over? Does Jigga prefer the less-bootylicious Rihanna? Will Beyonce's dad resolve the issue with a shotgun? [Social Rank]
• Like an udder on a thick-lipped cow, Anderson Cooper milks his interview with Angelina Jolie, airing tomorrow night. He clarifies that People's $4 million Shiloh fee did not include a guarantee that he'd get first interview; rather, Jolie picked the Coop because she knew he wouldn't try to do her. [360 Blog]
• It's Christmas in June: Danny Meyer's ShackCam goes live! Updated every 5 seconds, it's the ultimate tool in planning your meal schedule. May it bring all of Manhattan together and working towards organizing dining, so as to forevermore avoid intolerable lines. [Eater]
• One of Brooklyn's beloved Jonathans writes an open, overwrought letter to Frank Gehry; if all the Jonathans would combine their powers, they could create a Super Letter, so strung-out that not even the most hardened developer could look away. [Slate
• What if Brokedown Palace involved a pair of jeans? [Wired]
• You can now purchase a clear cube full of authentic NYC garbage. Just goes to show that if you package a turd properly, someone will buy it. [NYC Garbage]
• GMA kisses Prince's boots, builds him a fortress. [OAN]
• Edward Champion ups the Okrent cocksucking metaphor to slightly uncomfortable, albeit satirical, levels. [EdRants]
• Performance art on a Monday morning is simply unacceptable. [Animal]
• Crackheadz Gone Wild: New York features raw, uncensored footage of local drug addicts on spring break, going crazy for Mardi Gras beads. [Metro]

Eat the Press, HuffPo's media "news, commentary, and chatter" wing, comes up big with the scoop that we've all been waiting for: Bill Hoffman will be Page Six's new staffer. Hoffman's a city desk veteran who recently angered the hip hop community with his shaky grasp of geography. Notes of congratulations and requests for Level Two Protection can be sent to bill.hoffman@nypost.com, but we're pretty sure the feds are monitoring that address, so be subtle.

From antiqued gossip Liz Smith's column today:

Following WWD's speculative article about the state of her contract (up at the end of the month), rumors festered yesterday evening that AMI editorial director Bonnie Fuller had left the company. AMI CEO David Pecker had called a smoke-filled meeting with the company's brassiest balls, fueling the chatter that the Canadian Fury had left the building, no doubt in an imagined fit of shin-kicking and ceramic-mug throwing. AMI flack Lisa Dallos says, "Nothing could be further from the truth."

Amazing what shows up in the inbox sometimes. This one is from an otherwise-reputable serious reporter, who wouldn't be feeding us misinformation:

• Battle of the randoms: Stephen Dorff and Jeremy Piven get in sissy-slapping contest at Bungalow 8, mostly because Dorff cut in front of Piven in the bathroom line. Dorff's defense: "At least I am a movie star - you're only on TV! Cable TV!" True, but at least he's not Stephen Dorff. [Page Six]
• Meanwhile, Karolina Kurkova tolerates Piven's awkward flirting. [R&M]
• K-Fed gets jealous about Britney's manny taking over the domestic duties, but not jealous enough to put down the pipe for two seconds and change a diaper. [Scoop]
• Billy Bragg thinks Rupert Murdoch is trying to steal your MySpace content. Hungover hipsters suddenly rethink posting crappy music from unsigned bands. [Lowdown]
• Poor Philly endures the return of a 9-foot-tall statue of Sylvester Stallone. [Fox411]
• Newly sober Full House legend Jodie Sweetin has signed with Fuse to host their upcoming competition, Pants-Off Dance-Off. She'd probably want to keep the meth around for that one. [Page Six]

What's wrong with this picture?

On Thursday night, Page Six editor Richard Johnson defied all logic and decided to drive a car in Manhattan. Adding to the shock factor was that he was pulled over for using a cell phone without an earpiece (bad-ass!), at which point the cops noticed he was visibly intoxicated (even more bad-ass!). Johnson refused to take a breathalyzer (super bad-ass!) and ended up spending the night in the drunk tank (hardcore bad-ass!). For his efforts, he was awarded the DUI Badge of Honor.

The ever-irrepressible scamps at TMZ.com finally put their irrepressibility to good use and got their hands on the criminal complaint filed against Page Six editor Richard Johnson. At 12:01 a.m. this morning, in front of 425 West 14th Street, according to the complaint, Johnson was at the wheel of his Ford Escape with his keys in the ignition and engine running when NYPD Officer Robert Gluck says he was "intoxicated in that the defendant had watery and bloodshot eyes, had slightly slurred speech and had the odor of an alcoholic beverage on his breath." Why this resort of an anecdotal description of his drunkenness? Because RJ, the report says, refused to take a Breathalyzer.

This out-of-the-blue email showed up in the inbox today:

• Liz Smith: Marlene Dietrich had a tumultuous love affair with French actor Jean Gabin. Tomorrow, Liz hears that Guy Lombardo was spotted at the Rainbow Room with a visibly drunk Jo Stafford. [Liz Smith]
• Someone at Page Six has it in for Vincent Parco. [Page Six]
• Quincy Jones' daughter mistakes leather softener for moisturizer. Jessica Simpson demands royalties. [Lowdown]
• The publicist for The Pump is apparently under the impression that Harry Connick, Jr., is a worthwhile name to drop. [R&M]
• Warner Wolf takes solace in Channel 2's poor news ratings. Warner Wolf is too still alive! [Page Six]

This Memorial Day, take a moment to pay respects to Hollywood's assistants and crew members, whose toil and babble is the stuff celebrity weeklies are made of. Case in point: a reliable source in South Williamsburg happens to live right where Colin Farrell and company are currently filming Pride and Glory; last night, knowing she'd never actually get near Farrell himself, she made a move for the union workers:

Jordan Catalono of Thirty Seconds to Mars had an IM interview with AOL Music yesterday; when pressed about what it was like to work with Lindsay Lohan in Chapter 27, it prompted a confession of sorts:

Would it be Page Six without entirely gratuitous drama? Of course not. Jossip is reporting that former Sixer Ian Spiegelman, who is being feted tonight for his newly released novel, Welcome to Yesterday, managed to get his old colleagues banned from attending the party. How did he allegedly do this? It's complicated; follow closely. Spiegelman gave an interview for Simon Dumenco's Monday Ad Age column, and apparently he subsequently came to believe that Post editor Col Allan was miffed over some of the things he said. (It's unclear whether any actual miffage had occurred.) So Spiegelman sent Allan an aggressively defensive email, sort of apologizing for the misunderstanding but mostly not.

From The Superficial this morning:

Today's Observer reveals that in the wake of Jared Paul Stern and Burkle-gate, Page Six has been looking for a full-time staffer to accompany Paula Froelich and Chris Wilson on their magical, gossipy journey. Unfortunately, several people have turned down the offer. According to Gabe Sherman, that list includes:

Tonight is a big night for fans of bad pop music and Ryan Seacrest: it's the American Idol finale, in which one lucky soul will be chosen by the American people to enjoy approximately 12 minutes of fame and 12 years of performing in shopping malls. Idol's Gay golden calf, Clay Aiken, isn't necessarily appearing tonight — but if he does, his boyfriend won't be the only one with a gag. A reader writes:

From our gilded mailbag:

If you are or ever were a gossip columnist, you really need to publish your roman a clef this month. Deborah Schoeneman's 4% Famous and former Page Sixer Ian Spiegelman's Welcome to Yesterday are being released within weeks of one another; both feature gossip columnists as protagonists, and both are laden with thinly veiled portrayals of colleagues. Spiegelman's novel, for example, has the following description of a notoriously drunk, Australian gossip:

From deep within the jungles of New Jersey, a bit of totally unconfirmed chatter: We hear that Life & Style executive editor Joe Bargman may not last much longer. EIC Debra Birnbaum has reportedly assigned Chris Kensler, formerly of OK! and Celebrity Living, to "work with" Bargman. Interestingly, Kensler may also have the same title of executive editor.